Letters: 34 from the Mamiya Family

I think this will be a bit long, but I would like to take this opportunity to tell you my story.
My family consists of four people: my father, my mother, and my older brother who is two years my senior.
My father and mother met in 1977, exactly the same age I am now.
I heard they were high school classmates.
The meeting between my relatively quiet father and my mother, who was the school's Madonna and gifted in both talent and beauty, was sparked by a single scrap of paper.

To Yumi Takada,

I am sorry for this sudden letter. My name is Koji Mamiya from Class 2.
I am writing this because I recently read your work for the National Youth Book Report Competition, which won the Prime Minister's Award.
I also like Osamu Dazai and am an avid reader of his work.
Among them, "Villon's Wife" is a favorite of mine, and I have read it many times.
It is rare to find someone in my generation I can talk to about Dazai, but after reading your book report, I found myself wanting to be your friend.
Of course, the content was also wonderful.
Though perhaps that is to be expected since it won the Prime Minister's Award.
I actually wanted to tell you this in person, but I am shy and did not have the courage.
This letter is the courage I squeezed out.
I am sorry if this creeps you out.
If you would like to be friends, please leave a reply in my shoe locker, the second row from the schoolyard side in the far-right block, third shelf from the top.
I have placed a red circular sticker on it so it is easy to find.
Thank you very much.

From Koji Mamiya

To Koji Mamiya,

Thank you for your letter. I was happy to receive it.
My family, teachers, and friends all congratulated me by saying it was amazing, but that 'amazing' was about the result. Being praised by someone like you who loves Dazai makes me truly happy. Because I love Dazai too. Of course, let's be friends.
I chose "Villon's Wife" because I was impressed by the strength of the wife, Satchan, who appears in the story. I wouldn't want to meet a good-for-nothing man like Otani, but
I wrote it hoping to become a woman with a strong core who does not deny such a man, but does not affirm him either.
What other works do you like, Koji?
It doesn't have to be Dazai. Please tell me if you'd like.

From Yumi Takada

To Yumi Takada,

Thank you for your reply.
I was truly happy when I opened my shoe locker and saw your letter inside.
I don't know much about you yet, Yumi, but I am sure you can become a strong woman like Satchan.
I will try to be careful not to become a man like Otani.
To be honest, I only started reading Dazai's works after entering this high school. It started when I happened to find "Run, Melos!" in the library.
I remembered reading it in a textbook long ago, but I only remembered the general plot, so I picked it up.
It felt like a completely different work from the "Run, Melos!" I had imagined. I am sure that is because I read it from the perspective of Selinuntius, not Melos, at that time.
So, I am sure you have read it too, but I recommend reading "Run, Melos!"
one more time.
I am waiting for your thoughts.

From Koji Mamiya

To Koji Mamiya,

I read "Run, Melos!" right away.
From the perspective of Selinuntius, or rather, looking at it from a bird's-eye view, Melos is a hopeless man, isn't he? But I also found him a little endearing.
Reading it after a long time allowed for a different interpretation, which was interesting.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity.
By the way, have you decided on your career path, Koji?
I am very lost regarding my path right now.
I am thinking of going to university, but I am not quite sure what I want to do yet. I don't want to decide on a university in a half-hearted way, so I am struggling.
It might be an unreasonable request, but if you have any good advice, please let me know.
I am waiting for your reply.

From Yumi Takada

To Yumi Takada,

I am sorry if this is rude. I really think it is unreasonable.
I laughed a little while reading it.
I don't know if this will be advice, but I want to read more of what you write, Yumi.
I am very happy that you, who wrote the book report that moved me, are writing letters to me like this. But somewhere in my heart, I don't want to keep you all to myself; I want more people to read what you write.
Specifically, I like the words you weave, so I want you to become a writer, a journalist, or a novelist—someone who writes.
So, how about a university where you can learn more about language, perhaps one that focuses on Japanese literature?
I am sorry for being pushy.
This is the best advice I can give.

From Koji Mamiya

To Koji Mamiya,

Thank you for the advice. You're right, it really is unreasonable.
Thank you for responding to such an unreasonable request.
I was very happy. Actually, I was interested in a writing career. But I didn't have the confidence.
I was happy about the Prime Minister's Award, but I wondered if I really had talent, wouldn't I have won various awards long ago? I wondered if this award was just a coincidence.
But your letter gave me courage.
If there is even one person who feels something from the sentences I write, that is enough, isn't it? Thank you, Koji. I think I will aim for a writing career.
I will think about the specifics from now on, but there is no doubt that you were the one who gave me the spark.
Also, if you'd like, why don't we meet in person and talk instead of writing letters?
I want to talk to you more, Koji.
If you'd like, please come to the library after school the day after tomorrow.
I'll be waiting.

From Yumi Takada

Thus, after exchanging six letters, my mother and father became friends.
The two of them would go to the library after school every Tuesday and Friday,
exchanging books they recommended to each other and talking about their impressions,
stopping by a bookstore on the way home to buy new novels,
doing things that I don't think were very fun.
While spending such youthful days, my father fell in love with my mother.
He said his heart was stolen from the very first time they spoke.
He said he looked for the right timing to confess over and over again,
but he couldn't convey his feelings, and the day of graduation drew near.
Thinking that perhaps they might never meet again,
one night, my father wrote a letter. A special letter, different from all the others.
And the next morning, he put that letter in my mother's shoe locker and waited for a reply.

To Yumi,

It's been a while since my last letter. I'll say it first: this is a love letter. I am more nervous now than when I wrote my first letter to you. I'm sorry if the handwriting is shaky.
When I read your book report, I became interested in you.
When I met you in the library for the first time, I fell in love with you.
As we walked home together many times, I grew to love you more and more. I think I should probably tell you this directly with my own mouth, but I'm sure I'll be too nervous and won't be able to convey what I want to say, so I'm writing it in a letter.
I know you are going to a university in Aomori.
I know you are going there to study Japanese literature in the land where Dazai was born.
So I know that even if I tell you my feelings now, there is nothing that can be done.
Even so, I could not put a lid on these feelings.
I will be entering a university here, and I think we will both be busy, but I will work part-time in my spare time, save money, and definitely come to see you.
I will say it again. I love you. I love you so much, Yumi.
So, please go out with me.
I am waiting for your reply.

From Koji

To Koji,

Thank you for your letter. It really has been a long time since we wrote.
I will write a proper reply.
The fact that I realized what I wanted to do, and that I decided on my university because of it,
is all thanks to you, Koji.
As of now, I don't think I can become like Satchan from "Villon's Wife." That is because the core inside me is still too thin and seems like it could break at any moment.
Even so, the one who gently supported this core that is on the verge of breaking is undoubtedly you, Koji.
I don't mean to be dependent, but I want you to continue supporting me from now on. Please don't push yourself with part-time work.
Let's see each other when we can.
I will have plenty of opportunities to come back here, too.
And we have our letters.
Koji, please continue to be by my side.
Also, I'll be waiting at the main gate.

From Yumi

Thus, the two became lovers.
My father, who ran to the main gate, met my mother and immediately
said, "Please take care of me," and bowed deeply.
My mother laughed, saying, "You're like a baseball player," and bowed just as deeply,
saying, "Please take care of me, too."
I'm sure other students were looking at them strangely.
The love story of the two that began this way had limited time they could spend together. A few days later, my mother would be moving to Aomori for school.
They tried to make as much time for each other as possible, such as helping with moving preparations, but that day soon arrived.
My father, who went to see her off at the station, said "Have a safe trip" with a smile that hid his loneliness, and my mother, seeing his face, held back her tears and replied, "I'm going." And as they parted, my father handed her a letter.

To Yumi,

If you are reading this, it means you are on your way to Aomori.
I am writing this while wondering what kind of face I will have when I hand you this letter tomorrow.
It's not a final farewell, but I feel like it is, and while I hate myself for being so weak, I have resolved to polish my manliness by the time we meet again.
I imagine your heart is full of many anxieties and many hopes right now.
If you have any anxieties or worries in the future, please confide in me without hesitation.
I think the only thing I can do for you from a distance is to listen to your words.
Yumi, please enjoy yourself to the fullest.
Please learn to your heart's content.
May your talent bloom warmly, undefeated by the cold.
Please reply when you have settled down.

From Koji

To Koji,

I arrived in Aomori safely.
The room I will be living in from now on is a seven-mat studio apartment.
I'm sure I will have many different feelings here from now on.
I will tell you about my anxieties and worries. I think I would have done that even if you hadn't asked me to, Koji.
Also, there was one mistake in your letter.
The part where you said, "I think the only thing I can do for you from a distance is to listen to your words."
That's not true. You are always in my heart, Koji.
Even when I was heading to Aomori, it was you in my heart who wiped away my anxious feelings. I heard a silent "It's okay," and I felt happy.
I am being helped by you more than you think, Koji.
Don't forget that. We aren't connected just by these letters. We are connected by our hearts.
Well then, let's both do our best in our new lives.
I'm looking forward to your new life, Koji.

From Yumi

To Yumi,

I read your letter. Thank you.
Of course, you are in my heart, too, Yumi.
I'm sure that from now on, for example, when I'm rubbing my eyes and heading to my first-period class, you in my heart will call out to me, "Do your best." If I'm too sloppy, I think you'll get angry at me. Please go easy on me when that happens.
Now, let me tell you about my university life.
After the entrance ceremony, I went to visit a club. It's a literary club. It's a relatively relaxed club that distributes a booklet called "Child's Play" every few months, containing stories written by each member.
Yes, I decided to write something, too.
It's just a hobby, of course, but I'll send it to you when the booklet is finished.
Also, I made a friend with a boy who came to visit at the same time. Akio Tosaka. I don't mean to insult the literary club, but he has a face too handsome for such a club, and he is a wonderful person who treats everyone with a smile. I want to introduce you to him someday, Yumi. Please look forward to it.
I am looking forward to your university life, Yumi.
I am waiting for your reply.

From Koji

To Koji,

So you joined a literary club.
The booklet name "Child's Play"—you're quoting Yukichi Fukuzawa, right? I think it's wonderful.
I'm looking forward to your work, too, Koji.
I also went to visit a literary club, but the atmosphere was different from what I had imagined, so I decided not to join any club in the end.
Even so, my university life is fulfilling. Each class is fresh, and I spend every day happily, like a child learning new words.
Also, I found a part-time job.
An old coffee shop called "Villon" in front of the university. When I first saw it, I thought it was fate and went into the shop immediately.
A married couple has been running the shop for a long time, and they named it Villon because they both liked Dazai.
I thought it was just like us, and when I told them about myself, the wife, Kimie, said, "Why don't you work here?" Her husband, Soichi, agreed immediately, and I started working there.
I'm sure the two of them will become like my mother and father in Aomori. I've found people I can rely on here, too.
So don't worry. From now on, we will both meet many new things and get busy. Please send these letters at your own pace without pushing yourself, Koji.
I'm waiting for your reply again.

From Yumi

To Yumi,

A little time has passed.
That's because I was fighting with my natural enemy: university assignments.
It took me some time to get used to the enemy called reports, which are a little different from the assignments I had when I was in high school.
I thought you would be good at them, Yumi, while I, being clumsy, am managing to get by with Akio's help.
About my part-time job. I really think it's fate.
I want to meet Kimie and Soichi someday.
Come to think of it, I also found a part-time job.
It's a tutoring job. Since I'm shy, it was quite a challenge, but it seems I can talk properly when dealing with elementary school students. I don't know what will happen if I have to deal with junior high school students, though.
Also, I am thinking of a story for "Child's Play," which will be published in September. It is really difficult. I realized once again how amazing novelists are. But I will write it desperately in my own way, so please look forward to it.
My life right now consists of three things: university classes, my part-time job, and the conception of my story. It is very fulfilling, but to be honest, I also find myself thinking about what it would be like if you were at the same university, Yumi.
May I come to see you after the test period at the end of next month?
I am waiting for your reply.

From Koji

To Koji,

It seems your university life is fulfilling.
I respect you, Koji, for taking on challenges little by little, whether it's a part-time job in an unexpected place or thinking about a story.
I'm not good at reports either. When I write stiff words like "It is..." or "It is so...", I feel a sense of discomfort, wondering if this is really what I think, and it takes a lot of time.
Actually, it was the same situation when I wrote the book report for "Villon's Wife."
When I wrote what I was thinking and feeling on paper, it looked different, and I wore down many erasers. Putting feelings into words is a difficult thing, isn't it?
But I think letters are interesting.
No matter how clumsy the words are, the feelings come through from the handwriting.
I feel that way when I read your letters, Koji. Somehow, the figure of you writing the letter, your feelings, and various other things come through.
I also received many feelings in my own way from your words, "May I come to see you after the test period?" At the same time, I laughed a little, wondering if we needed permission to see each other in our relationship. I'm sorry for laughing.
Of course, please come to see me anytime.
But please don't come to see me after the test period ends.
Were you surprised? When the test period ends and summer vacation begins, I will return there. If you come to see me, we will miss each other.
Around the sunset on August 10th, at the station, wearing a kimono.
I want to watch fireworks with you.
I'm looking forward to the summer we spend together.

From Yumi

The two met for the first time in four months.
My father said that my mother, whom he hadn't seen in a long time, was so beautiful in her kimono
that he didn't remember the beauty of the fireworks he saw afterward.
I heard that the two spent a lot of time together that summer, as if to make up for the time they couldn't meet.
Two weeks later, my mother returned to Aomori.
I heard they parted with smiles, both looking forward to the day they could meet again.
However, at this time, my father could not notice the slight change in my mother.
Perhaps my mother herself had not noticed it yet either.

To Yumi,

Did you get back to Aomori safely?
The summer I spent with you was so brilliant that
if I were asked what my favorite season is now, I would answer summer without hesitation.
I was glad we could watch the fireworks together.
The sparkler we lit in the park on the way home.
I kept wishing the bud of fire wouldn't fall.
I think it was because of such distracting thoughts that mine fell earlier than yours.
I will get my revenge next year, so please remember that.
Since you went back, I have been working toward "Child's Play."
Actually, the story is almost finished, and all that's left is fine-tuning.
I didn't talk about it when we met because I wanted you to read it
with a blank slate. Perhaps by the time I send the next letter,
I might be able to enclose "Child's Play."
Please look forward to it.
The latter half of the university term will begin soon. What they call the autumn semester.
Reading Dazai's work "Ah, Autumn" makes autumn fun.
He has many ways of perceiving autumn, such as "Autumn is the remains of summer's burning, summer is a chandelier, autumn is a lantern."
I don't know if you have read it, but please take a look.
Well then, I'm waiting for your letter again.
From Koji

To Koji,

I have arrived in Aomori safely.
I was also happy to spend a wonderful summer with a wonderful person.
I'm sure I'll win again next year with the sparklers.
At that time, please treat me to a juice or something.
I'm looking forward to "Child's Play."
I can't imagine what kind of story you will write, Koji,
so I am truly waiting impatiently. Be careful with typos.
Immediately after finishing your letter, I went to the university library
and picked up the Complete Works of Osamu Dazai.
I had read "Ah, Autumn" before, but I wanted to read it again.
I love the expression "abandoned sea."
After all, Dazai's writing is intellectual and literary, and of course there are many such writers,
but the words that soak into my heart the most are still Dazai's.
I have to become someone who can be said the same about.
While thinking about that, I am actually terrified of the announcement of my credits.
I think it's next week. I should be fine with the subjects I'm interested in, but I'm a little worried about the subjects I'm not.
I have to work hard not only on literature but also on my studies.
It seems the difference between one character, 'bu' and 'be', is bigger than I thought. Do you think you'll be okay with your credits, Koji?
Let's both do our best.
Well then, I'm waiting for your reply again.

From Yumi

Dear Yumi,

I have two things to report today.
First, about my credits.
I managed to earn them all without failing a single one.
I know you were worried, but I'm sure you'll be fine too.
And second, I have successfully finished "Child's Play."
I've enclosed it, so please read it. It's on page 13.
I'm sure you'll read it, so I shouldn't write too much here, but let me tell you a little about the story.
The title is "Empty." It's a story about a boy who has no emotions
who becomes interested in tears and studies the taste of tears for each emotion.
I actually wanted to write a story with more characters,
but it seems that was too difficult for a beginner like me.
Instead, I was able to write while feeling the protagonist's unmoving emotions, the emotions he still wants to move,
and the faint light within the void.
Please let me know what you think.
Also, since you told me to be careful about typos in your last letter,
I checked properly, but there was one typo.
I'll check more carefully next time.
If you find any typos, please fix them with a pen.
Starting today, I'm going to begin writing for the next "Child's Play."
I'm looking forward to your work, too.
Take care of yourself.

From Koji

Dear Yumi,

I haven't received a letter in a while, so I'm writing to you.
Could it be that the post office made a mistake and sent the letter somewhere else? If so, I'd be a little relieved.
I'm imagining all sorts of things right now.
Like, did you get sick, or did you get caught up in some incident? I'm a little worried.
But, praying that isn't the case, I'll just write a normal letter.
In the literature circle I belong to, every time we produce "Child's Play,"
various awards are given based on member votes.
Believe it or not, I was able to win the Best Newcomer Award.
It's the most prestigious award for a first-year student.
I haven't received an award since my perfect attendance award in junior high, so I was really happy.
By the way, have you read Akio's work?
Akio's work with the wild title "We Were All Born from Cucumbers" wasn't chosen for anything, and he was frustrated.
"Those guys have no taste," Akio said on the way home, and seeing his straight gaze, I realized once again what a wonderful guy he is.
I really like Akio's work, and I actually consider him a rival.
Though I haven't told him that, of course.
For the next "Child's Play," the newcomer category will be gone, so I'll do my best to win the Grand Prize. Please look forward to it.
I'm waiting for your reply.

From Koji

Dear Yumi,

I was so worried that I visited your parents' house.
Your mother kindly told me, "Yumi is fine, so don't worry. Please just leave her be for now."
If I said something that hurt you, I'm sorry. I was thinking of going to see you, but I'll trust your mother's words and wait quietly for now. It doesn't matter how long it takes. Please write to me when your heart is at peace. I will be waiting forever.

From Koji

My father kept waiting. He said he thought about going to Aomori to see her again and again, but he told himself that waiting was the best thing to do and endured it. And as if to vent that stress, my father picked up his pen and wrote many stories. The story you all know, "Sunny, Occasionally Sunny," was also conceived at that time.
A year and a half after my father sent his last letter, a letter arrived from my mother.

Dear Koji,

How are you?
I've had a few bad colds, but I'm doing well.
And I'm truly sorry for making you wait.
If I still exist in your heart, Koji, please keep reading this letter.
If I have already disappeared, you can just throw this away.
When I received my first letter from you, when you praised my book report and said you wanted to be friends, I was truly happy. As I wrote in my letters, I felt like I had been recognized by the person I wanted to be recognized by. Then we became friends, spent many walks home together, and became lovers. At some point, Koji became not just my lover, but the person who affirmed me. That's why the gentle words overflowing from your letters always wrapped around my heart. But one day, a different emotion was born there. It was an inferiority complex. You might not realize it yourself, Koji, but the words you line up in your letters have power. This isn't just something I feel because I'm your lover; there is a simple power in your writing, a power to manipulate words. I was encouraged by those words, and then I became jealous, and began to feel an inferiority complex. I began to suffer from your words, which affirmed me, gave me the spark for my dreams, and yet were my emotional support. I desperately turned my back on that inferiority complex and kept reading your letters. But every time I wrote a reply, I found myself hating my own words—the words you said you liked. You did nothing wrong, Koji; I was just weak. If only I had confidence, I wouldn't feel this way. Thinking that, I began to write a few small stories. I had started to aim to become a novelist. After entering university, I sent those stories to a few small competitions, but no good news came back. My actions to try to change myself backfired, and I lost even more confidence. Still, I tried to resist these feelings, to change myself, and just then, "Child's Play" was sent to me. And when I read "Empty," which you wrote, something inside me collapsed. I was jealous of that work, which I couldn't believe was written by a beginner, and I became disgusted with your humility. I couldn't write a reply anymore. And that work was evaluated as I had imagined, and there you were, riding that wave, moving forward and forward.
This is the reason I couldn't write a reply. It's not that you're bad, Koji; it's all a problem with my own heart.
It's been about a year and a half since I last received a letter. During that time, I thought about many things. How could I escape from such feelings? I was re-examining myself. I came to love books because of Dazai. And I felt the charm of the many words spun by various authors, and my heart was drawn to them. I didn't write that book report because I wanted to write good sentences, nor because I wanted to be recognized by someone, but simply because I wanted to convey the charm of that book to someone. As a result of facing those feelings honestly, I arrived at one answer. It is to become a teacher. I came to think that I want to convey the charm of books to many children, and to convey the charm of words.
Koji, I'm sure you're thinking this.
"It's my fault." That you troubled me and made me suffer with your letters, and perhaps, because you are so kind, you might even think you ruined my life.
But that's not true. It's thanks to you.
Without this process, I surely would never have realized the path I truly wanted to walk. It's all thanks to you, Koji.
I think it's very presumptuous for me, who made you wait for a year, to say such a thing, but if you still think of me as your lover, I have a request. Won't you stay with me from now on? I'm waiting for your reply.

From Yumi

Dear Yumi,

Long time no see.
I read your letter. Thoroughly, to the end.
Next Sunday, at 3:00 PM, I'll be waiting at Nishi-Hirosaki Station.

From Koji

And so, my father went to see my mother.
It was unfortunately raining that day, and my mother left the house with two umbrellas.
Having spent time being selfish, feeling sorry for my father, and the joy of being able to meet him—various emotions raced through her heart, and my mother shed tears many times until she reached the station.
Each time, she said she bathed in the rain to hide her tears, thinking she couldn't show a tear-stained face to the father she hadn't seen in so long.
When she arrived at the station, my father was already waiting. My mother, who had intended to leave the house early, was surprised, ran up to my father, and called out, "Long time no see."
My father didn't respond to those words, but took out stationery from his bag and began to read in front of my mother.

Dear Yumi,

I've written many letters until now, but this is the first time I've read a letter in front of you like this. Actually, I didn't intend to write this letter, but when I thought about how to talk to you, I felt like I wouldn't be able to put what I wanted to say into words well and would just ramble, so I hurriedly took up my pen on the train. First, Yumi, I will support your dream with all my might. I think you will definitely become a great teacher. Your future students will be envious. And, I worried about whether to tell you this because I thought it might hurt you, but I don't want to have any secrets, so I will tell you honestly. I have a dream too. I am aiming to become a novelist. Actually, while we weren't in contact, I won the Best Newcomer Award for "Child's Play." A university professor noticed it and introduced me to a publisher. I don't know what will happen yet, but I am aiming to become a novelist. We have both found our dreams.
In the future, I think various things will happen in the process of pursuing our dreams. I want to walk that future with you, Yumi. So, please marry me. Of course, we are still students, so it's fine if we wait until after we graduate and things settle down. This is a reservation. Anyway, I came to Aomori because I wanted to say this. That is all I wanted to convey.

From Koji

When my mother received that letter, she said her vision blurred with tears, but she could see my father's bright red face very clearly.
My mother bowed her head and said, "Please take care of me," and my father also bowed his head and said, "Please take care of me too."
When they raised their heads, they met each other's eyes and laughed.
Because it was exactly the same as the two of them at the main gate back then.
The two of them headed to my mother's room under one umbrella and talked until morning about everything that had happened while they weren't exchanging letters.
Four years later, in 1985, my father and mother became a married couple.
My mother became a high school Japanese teacher, and my father began to attract attention as a novelist after winning the 37th Noma Literary Prize in 1984 at the age of 24.
After they became a married couple, they exchanged fewer letters, but the Mamiya house was overflowing with small letters.

I'll be a little late today because I'm having a welcome party at work.
Yumi

I made miso soup.
Please eat it if you're hungry when you get home.
Koji

It's supposed to rain from the afternoon, so please just take care of the laundry.
Yumi

I'm a bit stuck on my novel; what is happiness to you, Yumi?
Koji

Right now.
Yumi

Today seems to be the day I sent my first letter.
Koji

Then tomorrow is the day I sent my first reply.
Yumi

In the days when such small happiness accumulated, a new life was conceived in my mother's womb. My older brother. My father cried with joy, and from that day on, they were excited about what to name him. At that time, unlike now, you couldn't know the gender during pregnancy. If the belly sticks out in front, it's a boy; if it spreads to the sides, it's a girl; if the face gets sharp, it's a boy; if it gets gentle, it's a girl—confused by such superstitions, the two of them eventually decided to stop thinking about it and wait until they saw the baby's face.
It was the night of the 35th week and 4th day; my mother complained of abdominal pain. Worried that it was a little early for labor, my father took my mother to the maternity clinic. Seeing my father flustered, my mother endured the pain and said, "It looks like we'll be able to meet sooner than I thought," and my father calmed down at those words and squeezed my mother's hand tightly.
However, a few minutes later, the cruel word the midwife told them was stillbirth. They were told it was due to a twisted umbilical cord, but my mother couldn't accept it and kept crying and saying, "I'm sorry."
Seeing my mother like that, my father held back his tears and said, "Yumi, don't say you're sorry, let's say thank you."
A few days later, the two of them wrote letters for the first time in a while and read them in front of a small paulownia box.

To Koichi,

I'm calling your name for the first time.
Your name is Koichi Mamiya. 'Ko' for light and 'ichi' for the number one, so Koichi.
You are our firstborn son and a single ray of light for Yumi and me.
You are a dazzling light that will never fade.
The two of us will continue to walk forward while being illuminated by that light.
Please watch over us.

From Father

To Koichi,

Thank you for being in my womb for about 9 months.
I couldn't hold your hand or hug you,
but the days I spent with you were very happy.
Your father was worried every time you kicked my belly, saying, "What if you become a delinquent?" That couldn't possibly happen, though.
Since Koichi is the child of Koji and me, I think you would have surely loved books. I wanted to read you many picture books. I wanted to talk with you. There are times when I think about things like that.
If there is a place called heaven, please wait for me.
I don't know when it will be, but let's talk a lot.
I love you.

From Mother

Three years later, I was born. Sachi Mamiya.
Sachi in katakana, named so that I would become a strong and positive woman like Sachi in "Villon's Wife."
My mother and father poured the love they couldn't pour on my brother onto me.
My mother read me many books before I went to sleep. She was troubled that I was so absorbed in books that I wouldn't sleep, but she said she gave up, thinking it couldn't be helped since I was their child. As soon as my father came out of his study, he would always come to me and talk about the work he was currently writing. When I was little, those stories were difficult and I didn't understand what he was saying, but I loved my father who would talk to me with sparkling eyes. When I entered elementary school, my father and mother taught me a lot of studies. When I got good grades on tests, we would celebrate as a family. When I entered junior high, I began to read the novels my father had written until then. I was honestly drawn into the charm of his works and came to respect my father. When I entered high school, I became interested in the path of a novelist and began to write small stories. My father and mother read them and praised me, saying, "As expected of our daughter."
I feel happy to have been born to such wonderful and warm parents. And from now on, I thought I had to repay my father and mother, when just then, my father's cancer was discovered.
And without time to organize my heart, my father passed away the day before yesterday. He was 47.
Today, I have spoken at length to everyone who attended this place to convey once again about my father, Koji Mamiya, the novelist, Koji Mamiya. If you would like, I would be happy if you could keep such a father alive somewhere in your hearts without forgetting him in the future.
And finally, thank you, Father. May you rest in peace.

Sachi Mamiya

To Koji,

I still cannot accept that you are gone.
It has been about 30 years since we met. We have been through so much together.
Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for giving me courage.
Thank you for laughing with me. Thank you for crying with me.
So many 'thank yous' are overflowing as tears.
You refused hospitalization because you wanted to spend time with your family, and your face was filled with a smile as you told Sachi about everything that had happened, like a kaleidoscope of memories.
Every time I saw that, I was encouraged, knowing that it was good that I was the one by your side.
Now that you are gone, I understand. You must have known that, too. You knew that if you told me directly, it would make me sad.
You were always thinking of me and staying close to me, weren't you?
I am sorry for being such a useless wife who relied on you until the very end.
But today, I will say goodbye to that useless version of myself.
Now that you are gone, I must protect Sachi.
I must live positively, like Villon's Wife.
So please, Koji, rest easy and wait for me in heaven.
Please play a lot with Koichi.
I was so happy to have met you.
I hope this letter, which I will place in your coffin tomorrow, reaches you.

From Yumi

To my two precious ones,

The lightbulb in the bathroom was about to burn out, so I replaced it.
I wiped the picture frames lined up in the entryway.
I turned the page of the calendar that had been forgotten.
I rearranged the novels on the bookshelf in alphabetical order so they would be easier to find.
I straightened the shoes. I watered the flowers in the garden.
I have placed many letters on the third shelf from the top, in the second row from the entrance, of the organizer in my study. I have written on the envelopes when they should be read, so please read them on important family days.
I put a red circular sticker on the shelf so you can easily find where it is.
Thank you for the happy times.
I love you both more than anyone else.
If I write any more, it will reduce the time I have to spend with you both, so I think I will head back to the living room.
Until then, I will see you in the next letter.

From Koji Mamiya