I was afraid of 'not fitting in.' What I learned in the breakroom as a new employee about how to survive in the workplace
It was about three months after I started my job that I began to pause for a few seconds in front of the breakroom door.
I could hear voices from inside. My seniors were laughing. If I opened the door, I could go in. But my hand would stop. 'What if the atmosphere changes when I walk in?' 'I don't know what to talk about.' 'What if they think I'm in the way?'
I would think about things like that for five or ten seconds, and then I would open the door anyway and sit in a seat at the edge of the room. Trying to make my presence as small as possible.
It wasn't that anyone had said anything to me. I wasn't being bullied, and I wasn't being ignored. But the feeling of 'Do I belong here?' was always there.
I could move around in the work area. I was able to provide proper care when I was with the residents. But as soon as it was a space for staff only, I suddenly lost my sense of place.
It wasn't just the breakroom. During shift handovers and in the locker room, I had a feeling of not knowing my 'proper place' in a way.
Back then, I thought, 'The reason I can't fit in is because there's something wrong with me.' If only I were more cheerful, better at talking, or could say something more interesting. Every time, I looked for what I was lacking.
But that wasn't it.
The reason I was afraid of the breakroom wasn't a problem with my 'personality.' It was just that my 'position in the workplace' hadn't been established yet.
A position can only be built over time. A new employee can't immediately become someone who 'belongs.' It's not something you can force through effort; it's something that is built little by little just by the accumulation of time spent there.
In this article, I will write about my journey from my days as a new employee who was afraid of the breakroom to creating a place in the workplace where I felt I was 'glad to be there.'
This isn't about 'tips' for human relationships. I just hope this reaches those who have also 'kept sitting in the seat at the edge of the room.'
What is written in the paid article ahead
The real reason I couldn't enter the breakroom (it wasn't a personality issue)
The day I stopped trying to be liked by my seniors
Until I could endure the silence
The change from 'someone who belongs' to 'someone who is glad to be there'
What I really needed when I was a new employee