Let's Stop Saying "It Can't Be Helped"

There are people who frequently say "shikata ga nai" (it can't be helped), or "shaa nai" in the Kansai dialect.

They give up by saying, "It looks difficult," "It's a hassle," or "I can't do it anyway."

Is that really okay? Is there nothing that can be done?

Of course, there may be cases where it is completely impossible. However, I think it is a waste to give up so easily before even trying, just by saying it can't be helped.

Let's think about what kind of feelings this "it can't be helped" stems from.

<Psychological Background>

(Accepting Reality)

"There is nothing I can do about this," "It is something that cannot be helped," these are words of resignation used to accept a situation that cannot be changed even if one resists, and to convince one's own heart.

It is a kind of self-defense instinct against deep feelings of helplessness, an unconscious attempt to reduce stress.

(Lightening Responsibility)

"It's not my fault," "It's not because of me," it has the effect of easing guilt over not doing something or being unable to do something, and lightening one's responsibility.

If one were to say "I tried but couldn't do it," the responsibility for the failure would lie with oneself, but by saying "it can't be helped," one can attribute the cause of the failure to something other than oneself, thereby avoiding damage to one's own reputation.

They are content with maintaining the status quo rather than risking that.

(The Japanese Spirit of "Wa" or Harmony)

Because Japanese society values "wa" (harmony), people sometimes suppress their dissatisfaction and anger. It is completely different from the Western "Change it if you do not like it."

A psychology is at work that values harmony with the group or others, avoids strong individual assertions or conflict, and tries not to make waves by reading the room. It is the idea that "patience is a virtue."

As a result, people try to convince themselves by suppressing their own will.

<Psychological Impact>

Is this a good thing, or is it a bad thing?

(Positive Aspects)

* When accepting things you cannot control, it has the effect of reducing unnecessary stress and calming your mind.

* And it allows you to connect to positive action by thinking, "Let's think about what we can do next."

* You can avoid friction in human relationships and maintain harmony.

(Negative aspects)

* If you give up when you could actually change things, you lose the opportunity to improve, take on challenges, and grow.

* It leads to a cessation of thought, a loss of initiative, and becomes an excuse for avoiding responsibility.

* If repeated, a sense of helplessness that "nothing I do matters" gradually grows, leading to self-denial.

<Mastering "It Can't Be Helped">

To use "it can't be helped" positively, it is important not to end with "it can't be helped," but to use it as a new starting point.

* To do this, first think carefully about whether it is "something you can change yourself" or "something you cannot change." Organize and sort the situation.

* Then, after saying "it can't be helped," add "therefore" and connect it to the next action, such as "it can't be helped, so let's try this next," or "it can't be helped, so rather than changing the other person, I will change my response."

* Even for things you cannot do anything about yourself, instead of dismissing them as "bad luck," you can use them as an opportunity to find alternatives. Switch your mindset by saying things like, "It's raining, so it can't be helped, I'll read at home," "It can't be helped, I'll think of another way," or "It can't be helped, but thanks to this, I can rest."

In this way, it must not be a "can't be helped" of passive resignation, but a phrase that acts as a key to connect to the next action and open the door to new possibilities.

Please master the use of "it can't be helped" effectively.

Thank you for reading.
I would appreciate it if you could like, follow, or tip.
I look forward to your continued support.

#Things I make a habit of