Easier Said Than Done? "Mutual Concession"

Are you able to practice "mutual concession" smoothly?

"Sometimes I can, but sometimes I can't"—
isn't that how it feels?

I feel the same way.
Even though I know in my head that "the spirit of mutual concession is important," the honest truth is that it is often difficult to put into practice.

Why is it so difficult when it seems so simple?

<Why is it hard to do well?>

Why is it so difficult to practice mutual concession smoothly?
It involves not just the issue of human kindness, but also psychological burdens.

o When you lack time or mental space, you lose the capacity to be considerate of those around you.

o Humans have an instinct to protect their own interests.
The less mental space you have, the more easily the act of "conceding" feels like a personal disadvantage, and the desire "not to lose out" makes mutual concession difficult.

o Modern society is in a competitive mode, where "winning" often appears more advantageous than "conceding."
The willingness to concede is weakening.

o When "conceding" becomes one-sided, it leads to feelings of:
"I'm the only one always giving in," "It's unfair," or "I won't concede anymore."
o With strangers you may never meet again, you tend to think, "There's no point in conceding."

o If you think, "Why won't that person concede?" without knowing their circumstances, it becomes easy for conflict to arise.

o In situations like yielding on the road, if you don't see or notice a gesture of thanks after letting someone go, you may become irritated, thinking, "They didn't even thank me after I let them through."

o In business, it is important to decide on compromise points before entering negotiations. If this is unclear, you won't know how far you can concede, leading to a stalemate.

o Also, in business negotiations, there are times when you must stand your ground and say, "I cannot concede here," for the sake of your company, organization, or subordinates.

<Why is mutual concession important?>

There is a reason why mutual concession is important.

o Mutual concession makes the other party feel that they are "not being threatened."
Because of this, a sense of security is born, allowing people to behave cooperatively.

o Also, mutual concession is an act of trusting the other person.
Therefore, conceding creates gratitude, which leads to the next concession, forming a chain of trust.

o Without mutual concession, public spaces, workplaces, and transportation systems become awkward, stop moving smoothly, and the flow comes to a halt.
Mutual concession also acts as a lubricant for society.

<People who are good at mutual concession>

People who are good at mutual concession are those who have clear boundaries about:
"I will concede here," and "I will not concede here."
Those who can act flexibly in necessary situations are the ones who are good at it.

Also, when you have even a little bit conceded to you, it becomes easier for you to concede as well.
A psychological desire to reciprocate kicks in.

There is even a possibility that mutual concession can spread from just a small trigger.

<What should we do?>

So, how can we do it well?

o First, think of mutual concession not for the other person's sake, but for your own.
It is good to think things like, "I am a person with plenty of room to spare," "If I concede now, someone will surely concede to me later," or "Something good will surely happen."

o It is also good to say "Go ahead" reflexively without thinking too deeply.

o By keeping your mind calm, you will naturally become able to concede to one another.

o It is good to set your own interests aside for a moment.

o The ability to read what the other person is thinking—such as whether they are in a hurry or if they are waiting for you to go first—is also important.

o In social rules, there are situations where you should concede, such as "people getting off the train go first."

o Thinking, "If I concede, this person will surely accept it properly," is a form of trust in the other person.
A relationship of trust is established here as well.

o "Conceding" is not "enduring."
Mutual concession is an adjustment for the sake of both parties, while enduring is something only you suffer through.
Even if there is some inconvenience with mutual concession, you can think later, "Well, this was fine," but with enduring, you end up thinking later, "Why me?" or "I actually hated that."

<Summary>

Mutual concession reduces conflict, builds relationships of trust, softens the atmosphere, and creates cooperative relationships. It stabilizes human relationships and society as a whole.

While it may be difficult to do naturally and unconsciously, it can be called a skill that will definitely improve if you are conscious of it.

Now that I am getting older, I want to live by conceding to others with a generous heart, rather than just pushing my own way.

Thank you for reading.
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I look forward to your continued support.

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