[Musings] The structure of how things you once just loved turn into a sense of duty or pain.

It's a fairly common topic, though.
There's the age-old debate about whether you want to make what you love your job, or whether you don't want to make it your job precisely because you love it.
It's also brought up in discussions about fan activities that have emerged since the term 'ota-katsu' (otaku activities) started being used.
Ultimately, it gets complicated when other people, money, and emotional attachment get involved in a hobby that is supposed to be just for yourself.
That's really all there is to it.
But then again, don't 'work' and 'ota-katsu' always involve other people, money, and emotional attachment?
As far as ota-katsu goes, in my case, because I live in a rural area, am male, and didn't start going to live events until my late 20s, a lot of factors overlapped. As a result, I have almost no 'ota-friends,' and I've been doing things with a slightly different sensibility than those who try to share their emotions and information while releasing them in large quantities online. I feel like I've been able to keep things fairly consistent and flat in that regard.
I have a few friends (ota-friends) I've known for over 10 years who I've never met in person but who happen to have strangely similar tastes. While we do have very similar interests and can talk for hours, it's more like we maintain a comfortable distance and occasionally have intense exchanges.
It's like the relationship doesn't become a burden, or rather, we're able to remain on good terms.
Perhaps everyone has their own way of supporting idols, who they are a fan of, and how they show their love. The more 'devoted' a fan you become, the more you should clash over those 'ideological' parts. Fortunately, both I and my ota-friends are the type classified as 'devoted fans,' and I think it might also be because we are the type to sense what kind of 'devoted fan' the other person is.
An ideology (or etiquette) and sense of distance that says, 'There's no need to share, and I don't want to force or coerce anyone.'
While it's wonderful to have people you can enjoy things with, I think the base feeling and idea is that, fundamentally, being alone is fine.
Since it's a hobby, it's better not to have to be considerate or feel mentally exhausted if you can avoid it.
From that perspective, 'being alone' is the best way.
I'm a 'go-at-my-own-pace' type, or whatever you want to call it—someone who thinks there's no need to share, no need to go out of your way to connect with other otaku, and no need to increase the causes of conflict or mental fatigue.
However, in my case, this is probably also partly due to a kind of risk management unique to someone who has been writing (publishing) something for a long time.
In addition to that, it's also just my personality, regardless of the otaku stuff.
I suppose you could say that I feel most fulfilled when I'm self-contained in 'playing by myself.'
I love having fun with everyone, but at the end of the day, I have a temperament that prefers being alone at home.
The biggest reason is that I've never had the opportunity, but I think that's why I have no desire to belong to a fan community.
I can foresee that I would end up being too considerate and it would become a huge hassle.

When it comes to work.
And this is true outside of work, too.
There's the 'I can work hard/keep going because it's something I love' side, but there's also the 'I don't want to involve money in something I love because I love it' side.
Once emotional attachment is born, you can no longer look at things objectively, can you?
Speaking from my experience in the service and hospitality industries, I've had the experience of constantly hitting a wall regarding how to process my own feelings when I have both the desire to 'not be thought of as doing this just because it's my job' and the desire to 'have people understand that I'm doing this much because it is my job.' If you think about service, the smoothness of work, and fairness to customers, where you 'can't have feelings, but you can't have no feelings either,' it becomes a complicated state of mind. It would be nice if you could just compartmentalize, let go, or switch gears, but I've experienced the struggle of constantly hitting that wall.
It's a case of being able to continue because you love it, but it being painful because you love it.
Looking back, I think my ideals were too high, or rather, that feelings were born that couldn't be dismissed with the word 'work'.

In any case, I think it's wonderful to be able to encounter something you can feel that strongly about, or to have that much passion.
However, there's no need to go out of your way to put yourself through a hard time, so if there are things that make you go 'Hmm?' or if you feel something bothering you, I think it's good to take a break or think about it properly.
I think it's important to ask yourself if you are honestly and truly enjoying it.