Memorandum: 'Why I Love Fallout 3'
Have I ever mentioned how much I love Fallout 3? If I were told I could only bring three games to a desert island, I would list 'Shin Megami Tensei II (FC version)', 'Diablo 2', and 'Fallout 3' (it feels more natural in English). That's how much I love it.
No matter how rich I become or how high my social status rises, I have a dream that will never be fulfilled until the day I die. That dream is to 'stroll alone through a city after humanity has perished.' I have not the slightest interest in TDL (Tokyo Disneyland), but if TWL (Tokyo Wasteland) actually existed, I would definitely buy an annual pass.
Even someone who has traveled to every country in the world has likely never seen every house and every room in the small town they live in. Perhaps it was the desire planted in me by the Famicom version of Shin Megami Tensei II—a desire I cannot tell anyone about, given that I spend my days betting on the side that keeps humanity going as long as possible—that Fallout 3 satisfied, even if only slightly, for the first time in my adult life. It is not New Vegas, nor its sequels; only Fallout 3 is special to me. I have long been unable to put into words why I am so strongly drawn to this game.
Just recently, Fallout 4 was on sale on Steam for a little over 2,000 yen (less than the cost of a single FGO gacha pull!), and since I had abandoned the PS4 version halfway through, I decided to install various mods and start playing again. After about twenty hours, I realized I was completely exhausted and remembered why I stopped playing the PS4 version.
What was it about Fallout 4 that exhausted me? The strangely high density of locations, the quests that happen one after another, the construction and defense of settlements, the securing and management of resources, and above all, the fact that everyone I meet is hoping for the restoration of the world and the revival of humanity—all of that exhausted me. While it far surpasses its predecessor in graphics, action, and sheer volume, Fallout 4 tries too hard to make every moment a game, pushing the element of 'strolling through a ruined world' into the background.
At this point, I realized what it is about Fallout 3 that keeps me drawn to it. While Fallout 4 is clearly a game, Fallout 3 is a story of dreams and memories. I will never forget the shock of the moment the vault door opened, my vision whited out by the first sunlight, and then focused back on the sprawling ruins. That deep 'relief' of realizing, 'Ah, everyone was lying by pretending not to know; the world really did end a long time ago.'
And so, I just walk endlessly through a vast world where locations are only sparsely scattered. There is no means of transportation other than using my own two feet. I spend so much time alone that I even feel a sense of comfort when I occasionally encounter raiders or mutants. The field is cut off by rubble, and the subway connects the pieces. The interiors of the buildings are mostly similar, and I feel a strange sense of déjà vu in unknown places I reach after a long journey.
Every experience in the Capital Wasteland is like a dream I feel I can remember but can't, or a distant memory of something that happened long ago. Even after the images of a dream are lost, only a painful and frustrating emotion remains in reality, and memories restored by copy-pasting from fragments I couldn't forget continue to shine with a distorted brilliance in my mind. Fallout 3 continues to shine within me even now as 'a memory of a past I will never experience until I reach the future that ends with my own death.'
Well, it would be nice if I could end it cleanly here, but for me, the internet is not a place for essays, but a personal diary. Just as I was getting sick of being a diligent version of myself who works to the bone for others even in the game, I installed two new mods for Fallout 4.
The first one turns the management of each settlement into something like SimCity (or Populous). If I provide urban planning and resources, the residents build the town, produce goods, and even defend it themselves. With this, I was liberated once again as a lone wanderer.
The second one adds a blonde girl in overalls as a companion. She has an adorable appearance (setscale 0.9 recommended), has an independent skeleton and movements, and only speaks a few lines extracted from NPCs in the game, such as 'Huh?' or 'Leave me alone!'. She is completely detached from the scenario, and there is no romance. Those around her treat her as if she doesn't exist, and for some reason, the ammunition doesn't decrease when she uses the weapons I give her.
When I was in elementary school, I lived near Kobe. Perhaps because it was near the port, it was an area with many foreign families. After school, when I was playing in a secret base I built in the woods behind the school, blonde-haired, blue-eyed children would often come by, and sometimes there would be skirmishes. Once, a stone we threw hit one of them, and blood spurted from his forehead. While everything else, including the aftermath, is vague, I vividly remember the redness of the blood flowing on his white skin at that moment.
Perhaps the adorable girl in overalls in front of me is that white child I killed without knowing it. After a fierce gunfight with the synths, when I look around, the sunlight streaming through the gaps in the scrap wood in the dim room illuminates the girl sitting on a stool in silence. Eventually, as she slowly turns around, she gives me a vacant look over her shoulder. Is it anger, sadness, or resentment toward me that is floating in her eyes? In her figure, I hallucinate a distant memory that shouldn't exist. A blonde girl and a skinny boy standing in the summer sunlight.
However, the tasteless development report window of the SimCity mod forced me back to reality. Shaking my head, I resumed the pursuit of Kellogg. Feeling the same vague presence following my back. Does she want to kill me someday?
The mod that turns Fallout 4 into Fallout 3, a.k.a. 'Charlotte -simple companion-', is highly recommended by the chief conductor of the mysterious orchestra of pedophiles!