The Turbulent Life of Spotty / 30s / The Kosen Graduate's Story #1

英語版も作成してみました！日本語版もあるので是非読みやすい方を！

Chapter 1 | The Beginning of a Habit — Never Showing Weakness

Afternoons on the Playground

The playground after school was always loud—
filled with the voices of boys.

And somehow, I was always right in the middle of them.

While the other girls stayed inside, talking about anime like Pretty Cure or Sailor Moon, I was outside—climbing bars, playing dodgeball, getting lost in whatever game we could invent.

It wasn’t something I chose consciously.
It just felt… right.

More comfortable.
More fun.

By the end of each day, I would be completely exhausted.
Sometimes I’d fall asleep the moment I got home, still in my clothes.

Weekends weren’t much different.

My parents loved being active, so we would go to the park together, run around, and stop by a café on the way back.

Nothing special.
Just ordinary days, repeated over and over.

But without realizing it, those days were quietly shaping who I was.

The One Thing I Didn’t Enjoy

There was, however, one exception.

Piano lessons.

I had started them because my mother suggested it—
“You should learn to read music,” she said.

But if I’m being honest, I never enjoyed it.

Every week, sitting in front of the piano,
I found myself thinking the same thing.

When will this be over?

The Words I Never Said

I wanted to quit.
More than once.

But I never said it out loud.

Even now, I’m not entirely sure why.

Maybe it was because I spent so much time playing with the boys—
in that world, showing weakness somehow felt… uncool.

That unspoken rule seeped into me, little by little.

Before I knew it, I had kept going until the end of elementary school.

I didn’t love it.
I didn’t choose it.

But I continued anyway.

A Small Shift

In fifth grade, I started going to a small cram school run by a friend’s father.

At first, I wasn’t interested at all.

But during the trial class, we did a science experiment—
attaching electrodes to a metal plate and baking a cake.

It was strange.
Unexpected.
And incredibly fun.

By the time I got home, I had already made up my mind.

“I want to go there.”

My parents agreed without hesitation.

But once the actual classes began,
the excitement from that first day quickly faded.

The lessons were… ordinary.
Just like school.

Still, being there with close friends—talking, laughing, studying together—made it enjoyable in its own way.

At least, it didn’t feel as heavy as piano.

So I stayed.

What Came Naturally, and What Didn’t

Sports, on the other hand, always came naturally to me.

Basketball.
Soccer.
Anything that involved movement.

The more I practiced, the more I improved.
And that feeling—of becoming better at something—was simply fun.

As I got older, I found myself standing in front of others more often.

Leading small groups.
Speaking up in class.

At first, it made me nervous.

But gradually, that feeling faded.

Somewhere along the way,
I realized I didn’t mind being in front.

In fact—
I kind of liked it.

Not showing weakness.
Not saying “I want to quit.”

And yet,
feeling comfortable standing in front of others.

That quiet contradiction lived inside me.

And in ways I couldn’t yet understand,
it would begin to shape the choices I made—

and the person I was becoming.