"Can't Stop" | Amano Writing Club

"Where are you going tonight?"

Just before clocking out, my senior colleague at the next desk lowered her voice.

Her gaze was fixed on the small tote bag sitting at the edge of my desk. Inside, folded up, was a bright red silk shirt that was completely out of place for office casual wear. "Just going for a little dance."

When I said that to brush her off, she laughed, looking exasperated, and said, "That again?"

There was a strange rumor going around the office about me. That I was a serious office worker by day and a different person by night. That I supposedly went out partying with a different man every night.
――

Don't believe the rumors.

I cursed softly in my heart. I just happen to know a place where I can shed my daytime self. If I didn't, my soul would suffocate.

8:00 PM.

The dance hall in the basement in Roppongi was stifling with heat again today.
I took off my plain jacket in the restroom and slipped my arms into that bright red shirt.
I unbuttoned it daringly and let my hair down, and the woman in the mirror gave a bold smile.

Once I stepped onto the floor, the heavy bass shook the pit of my stomach.

In a flood of sound that seemed to erase all names and titles, I stepped intensely.

Alone, with someone, with someone whose face I didn't even know.
Our eyes met, our hands touched, we laughed and parted, and then I danced with someone else.

Only while I was here could I be just myself, not anyone's property.

Tonight, as if embracing a crimson rose, I took the hand of a tall man I saw on the floor. He was a good dancer. His face, so convinced that he was completely leading me, was a little funny, so I whispered softly into his ear.

"Ah, I'm becoming a butterfly. Ah, I'm becoming a flower..."

The man smiled back without understanding the meaning. Tonight, I didn't care which one I was.

Sweat and heat, a vortex of dazzling light and sound.

I just can't stop.

My body feels incredibly light. I can forget everything.
Monday's meeting, the documents full of numbers, the suffocating office—all of it.

I realized it was two in the morning.

Still in a state of pure trance, I shook off the man's hand and ran up the stairs to the surface. I burst outside as if breaking through a membrane of heat and slid into a taxi I had hailed.

The moment the door closed, sound vanished from the world.
Inside the car, only the cold air from the AC flowed.

My smartphone vibrated.

The screen was lined with messages from men whose faces I couldn't even quite recall.

"That was fun. Can we meet again?"
"Where are you now?"

I recognized them all, yet I couldn't feel any real connection to them.
With my fingertips, I swiped away all the notifications at once.

Outside the window, the neon lights of Tokyo streamed past at high speed.
Red, blue, white. They flowed by, only to vanish instantly.

Suddenly, I tried to picture the face of the man I had been dancing with just moments ago.

What did his eyes look like? What did his voice sound like?

I thought for a moment, felt a sense of emptiness, and gave up. The fingertips that had been touching his shoulder until just now were rapidly growing cold in the air conditioning.

I pulled the collar of my shirt together. The bright red fabric had lost its warmth and was just cold.
Even though it had been so vivid just a moment ago.

My smartphone vibrated again.
This time, it was for work.

[Tomorrow 10:00 Regular Meeting]

I stared at the displayed text. For a while, I just stared.

"...My heart is so naive."

I tried saying it out loud. No one was listening. The driver didn't even turn around.
That phrase alone was left behind, terribly hollow, in the space where the music had faded.

The smartphone screen went dark.
My own face reflected in the window also melted into the darkness.

Tomorrow, I will work again.
When night comes, I will dance again.
And the day after that.
Surely, the day after that, too.

I just can't stop.

The red taillights melt into the Tokyo night.

Theme: Can't Stop
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