Writing a book is like resolving the foreshadowing in one's life

I never thought a few years ago
that I would publish a book
that wrote about myself
so candidly.

The e-book I previously published on Kindle
was based on the knowledge and experience
I gained from meeting many people
and working as a therapist for many years,
writing down my thoughts.
Thanks to everyone, I am grateful that
I received many requests
to make it into a paper book!
Although this Kindle book
was written through my filter,
it did not focus on me.

However,
the book to be published by Seishun Publishing
is definitely 'Kojuzu Yokoyama' in full display!

I had a meeting with my editor
last year
and exchanged many emails.
Of course, the editor
read my Kindle book and this note
seriously, found my strengths,
and created various structures for me.

When I saw that for the first time,
I honestly
asked,
'Why are you putting me at the forefront?'
'It is better to know what kind of person someone is than not knowing who they are. Why does this person want to convey these things? If the person is not visible, what they want to convey will not reach the reader. I want you to write everything you have experienced and your thoughts on it.'

Indeed, if someone whose background is unknown
speaks emphatically, it does not resonate with the heart.
Because people in the world
who do not know me will also read it.

Moreover, I am not a so-called great person
or someone with knowledge like a scholar or a doctor.
I wondered if people would read a book
that wrote about myself so candidly.
I felt weak for a moment, but
I turned that feeling
into motivation.

Writing a book requires resolve.
When I told my family,
'My home is going to be fully exposed! Is that okay?'
They replied with a cheerful,
'That's totally fine!' and I was grateful.

And
'In order to deliver your voice to those who need it,
we must create a book that many people will be interested in.'

That was the professional mindset
conveyed to me by my editor.
Editors also want to create books that sell and that many people want to read.
That's right.

It's obvious.

If it were okay to write whatever I wanted, anyone could do it.
Publishers
are not volunteers.
They are the same as ordinary companies.
If they don't make a profit as a business, they will be in the red.

Since I was also a sole proprietor,
I was always thinking and acting
on how to continue my work.

From Seishun Publishing's perspective,
I am an unknown person with an illness.
To someone like me, not as self-publishing
but as commercial publishing,
they gave me the kind and powerful, happy words,
'Let's make a good book together!'
I was so happy that I cried.
I will never forget
that summer day.

I also want to repay Seishun Publishing
by having the book reach many people!
I felt passionate
and wrote about everything.
It goes without saying, but I don't write lies.
I exposed my uncool, useless, and pathetic self
to the fullest.
Sometimes I cried.
There were times when I
argued intensely with my editor.
There were also days when I couldn't sleep.

I don't say or write any insurance
that would let myself off the hook,
like 'this is good enough' or 'it's fine if it only reaches a few people.'

I put my soul into writing even when I write novels.
I want to be that kind of writer.
I realized that.

Being gentle,
soft,
or beautiful and pretty is also wonderful.

But the writing I do is not like that.
Just like my straightforward personality,
I write straightforward things.

And I want to make someone smile through my writing and stories.
With the feeling that I won't lose to anyone
in that desire,
I am still writing.
I will continue to write without forgetting that feeling.
Even if it's uncool, intense,
or unrefined, that is who I am.

For me, who is ill,
the simple task of a healthy person writing a text
is quite, considerably difficult.
But even so, I love writing,
and I write works every single day.

In the book that will be sold soon,
I want people to know about this illness.
I hope that people with the same illness can spend their time even a little more peacefully.
If the experience I struggled with can be of use to someone.
I wrote it with a lot of that feeling.
It shouldn't be self-satisfaction.
I wrote it with the awareness of making it easy for anyone to read and understand.

That is why I was very happy
that Dr. Suetsugu, who read the manuscript
and gave me his feedback,
said, 'This is a book I want to read with my whole family.'

If it were only for myself,
I couldn't have written it.
For someone,
someone suffering from an illness,
someone who is struggling,
someone worried about human relationships,
someone who finds it painful to be alive,
I hope that those who read it
can have their hearts
even a little relieved.
Thinking that,
I faced the manuscript
through spring, summer, autumn, and winter.
I conserved my physical strength to write,
and I couldn't do without a cooling gel sheet on my forehead every day.

I often have strange dialects and unique phrasings, so I wrote while being corrected and pointed out.
I think I caused a lot of trouble
for my editor
who thought about how to make it even better
in terms of structure and flow.

My husband, who knows my show-off side,
said,
'You worked hard and wrote it well. It's amazing,'
and my daughter
praised me by saying,
'Mom, you're cool!'

The manuscript I wrote was cut down quite a bit due to page count constraints,
but even so,
the joy and fun of writing
as a professional
transcended the hardship, the heat, and the pain.

I ended up being completely unable to move,
which worried my family.

There are still
so many things I want to write.
Things I want to convey
are overflowing within me one after another.

The reason I am still able to do my best like this
is thanks to the support of my family
and the people I have met.
Thank you so much.

When I became bedridden,
I thought I couldn't do anything anymore.
But I can still write.
I thought, 'I want to become an author!' and took action.

The reason I was able to do my best
without giving up
and without being discouraged
is thanks to the people I met
who always offered me kind, interesting,
and warm words.

If I don't believe in myself first,
who else will believe in me!
When I felt like giving up,
I would encourage and scold myself.

By the way, when I asked my editor the other day,
'What category will my book fall into?'
they replied, 'I told each bookstore it's an essay,' and
I learned for the first time that it would be an essay.

And I am truly grateful
to those who pre-ordered it
before even knowing the content.
I was truly, truly grateful and it brought me to tears.
I am filled with gratitude.
Thank you.

The pain,
the hardship,
the tears,
the smiles,
and the encounters from back then
were all foreshadowing
for this book to be born.
Everything I experience while living has meaning.
That is what I thought.
I got sick, couldn't work,

and felt despair,
but I was able to publish a book.
It has been about two and a half years since I started note.
Thanks to the people I met,
I was able to make my dream come true.
Thank you so much.

I will continue to do my best with an honest heart!

It goes on sale January 19th!

Thank you
for reading until the end.

With heartfelt gratitude.

Kozuzu Yokoyama