Questioning the Meaning of Being Born
I received many words from my mother, such as
"I wish I hadn't given birth to you,"
"I hope you become unhappy,"
"You're really not cute at all,"
"You're selfish,"
and so on.
What am I living for?
Ever since I was a child,
I have
always wondered that.
Suddenly, when my daughter was 10 years old,
"Mom, if you said to Riri (my daughter), 'I wish I hadn't given birth to you!',
what would you think?"
I found myself asking her that.
My daughter's powerful answer and
"I was born because I wanted to meet you, Mom, and I love you!"
made my heart tighten.
I couldn't help but cry.
I was born because I wanted to be born, too.
I was born because I love my mother.
If only I could have said that. I couldn't say anything at all.
I felt it deeply.
Anyway,
my daughter always gives me a jolt of inspiration
and brightens my heart.
Perhaps because she is being raised by my husband and me, who are from the Showa era,
she has grown up with a bit of a Showa vibe,
and she said her type is Furuhata Ninzaburo.
She loves THE YELLOW MONKEY and Queen,
and says she wants to have a youth like the movie IT! (It's a horror movie, you know?)
When she was little,
if her friends were having a hard time,
she would cry with them,
and even when watching E.T., she would cry, saying it was pitiful.
She read The Biography of Gusuko Budori,
and cried, saying she wanted to be useful to others, too.
When she watched West Side Story,
she cried loudly after it ended, saying it was pitiful and sad,
and at the curtain call,
the Shiki Theatre Company members were even worried about her.
My daughter is still only 12 years old.
Even so, she has
more wonderful emotions than I do,
and she is kind, strong, and resilient.
She is a woman I truly admire.
Since giving birth to my daughter,
I find every child cute.
Even adults.
When I think that this person also had a childhood
and is working hard like this now,
I want to give them a hug.
I feel like I've become everyone's mother.
There is so much to learn from children,
and raising them
has its share of happenings,
but it is a very fun time.
Rather than the hard times,
the fun, happy, and heart-tugging
events are far more numerous,
and they enrich my heart.
The meaning of being born
I meet my husband and daughter,
and learn the meaning of loving and being loved.
I think that might have been it.
I think there is still more to learn.
I want to keep searching.
I can now see and support
the ways people live on social media,
and I think that's wonderful.
To my daughter,
"Thank you for being born!"
I am blessed with the happiness of
conveying my heartfelt gratitude every day.
I want to continue to be stimulated by my daughter's fresh sensibilities
and keep striving
every day.