[Creative Award Impressions] When my head falls off, what will I be thinking?

Fortunately, I have never had any major illnesses or injuries in my life. Because of this, I have been somewhat insensitive to the concept of my own death; while I understand that the time will come eventually, I have tended to think of it as something unrelated to my current self.

That awareness changed slightly with the death of my father.

My father passed away suddenly one day several years ago due to a cerebral hemorrhage. It was a bolt from the blue for our family, a completely unexpected event.
Before he passed, my father was truly healthy; he had just bought a new car only a month prior. My mother was devastated by the sudden news, and my sister and I struggled to handle all the necessary arrangements.

Since then, I have become slightly more conscious of the fact that death is always right beside us. That is not to say I am doing anything special, but I have started keeping track of my mother's savings and insurance details, and I have begun to vaguely wonder what would happen if I were to die right now.

When I read Goro Dorobe's essay, I felt a similar sensation.

This essay progresses alongside the story of the fairy tale [The Giraffe Whose Head Fell Off], which Goro Dorobe wrote in the past.
One morning, Azolka the giraffe wakes up to find that his head has fallen off. I got the impression that Azolka, who cannot move on his own, and Dorobe-san, who had to lie down and rest due to severe headaches, were somehow overlapping.

Azolka, who continues to live without understanding death and unable to move, begins to face his own death by talking to Gadget the hyena and Dren the lion. And eventually, Azolka gradually accepts the death that is coming for him.
"If someone remembers me, I feel like that alone makes my life worth living." These words from Azolka left a deep impression on me.
When his consciousness fades, Azolka is swallowed by death itself. There, Azolka finally realizes that the 'life' he lost was irreplaceable.

Around February 2024, Dorobe-san was diagnosed with cerebrospinal fluid hypovolemia and was hospitalized. He spent his time lying in bed under strict bed rest for two weeks, reading a large number of e-books. It was also around this time that he gave up on returning to his workplace.
After two weeks of rest, the weight of Dorobe-san's head decreased. He completed his daily rehabilitation smoothly and, thinking he was okay now, finished his three-week hospital stay. However, even after being discharged, he was frequently struck by headaches. He was unable to return to work and spent several months in that state.
Suffering from headaches before hospitalization, and then continuing to feel unwell even after the strict bed rest of his hospital stay—my heart aches when I think of Dorobe-san's state of mind during this period.
Being in a state where he wanted to work but couldn't. Writing activities that didn't yield the results he hoped for.

"Recovery is not expected. You will not be able to push yourself for the rest of your life."

He said there were times when he even expected to be told that.
Perhaps during his hospitalization or immediately after being discharged, he was facing 'death' just like Azolka.

After reading this essay by Dorobe-san, I couldn't help but think about 'death' for a while.

For everyone, there is a possibility that 'death' will come suddenly one day, just like it did for Azolka and my father. When my head falls off, what will I actually think?
Will I be able to think (I was happy) like Azolka, or will I be unable to accept 'death' and remain unaware that my head has fallen off?

I don't know the answer. But I thought that if I could think like Azolka, I would be happy.
And I hope that my father felt that way, too.

At the end of the essay, Dorobe-san said this.

Neither Dorobe-san nor I, of course, have had our heads fall off yet. I decided that I, too, would live my life to the fullest until that time eventually comes.

Dorobe-san, thank you so much for such a wonderful essay. I am truly glad that I was able to read this essay. I hope to read the full version of "The Giraffe Whose Head Fell Off" someday.

#CreativeAwardImpressions
#GoroDorobe-san
#TheGiraffeWhoseHeadFellOff