Things I felt frustrated about

I am weak

- People whose number of likes increases as soon as they start note

- People who reach 1,000 followers in three months

- People whose follower count skyrockets

I thought it had nothing to do with me

I even put on a brave front in the following article

Just that

I even made excuses like "I haven't gotten serious yet"

But

I never thought being weak would be this frustrating

What did I want to do in the virtual world of note?
At first, I didn't think about anything
When I talked about AI and side hustles

I just thought I might be able to earn some money

As I wrote articles a few times
I realized I had a lot to say

I was surprised at how much I had been bottling up
everything I had thought until now

At that time, it was fine just to be able to write

For me
"publishing text" was an achievement in itself
I was satisfied with just this

It was fine if it just happened to reach one or two people
and it was fine if it didn't reach anyone

That's what I thought

As long as I could keep going, I didn't need anything else...

What about now?

Another version of myself whispers quietly, yet strongly

"Go to the next world already"
"Write more, expose more, get read more"

It says these words that aren't even harsh

And

My own article that didn't need to be read
Someone else's article that I read without intending to

The act of "comparing" started automatically

There, I found

ways of writing, presenting, and doing things that I could not reach

--

Well up
jealousy, envy, impatience

I should have ignored it,

but,

I couldn't.

Frustrated?
Have I come to feel frustrated?

My own works that I have created until now, my own children
The desire to have them seen more

I never thought being weak would be this frustrating

I want them to be seen more
I want them to be empathized with more
I want to be more of a help to someone's heart

I want
the children I sent out into the world who are never called by name
to be in the light more

Yes..., I have come to think that way.

--I must change my way of thinking

I will do everything I can

However

I will not push myself
I know that the price for pushing myself is high

I will not overreach
I know that there are limits to what I can do

I will not be impatient
I know it's not so easy that results will appear immediately

When I, weak as I am,

　do everything I can

　and still cannot change

　at that time—

at that time—perhaps,
　I think I will be able to smile with confidence.