The way of life I was taught over three years after meeting Shigehisa Nagamatsu, author of '90% of People Are Talkers'

I am Matsuno, a psychological counselor who helps people let go of the difficulty of living.
Thank you as always.

Shigehisa Nagamatsu, known for the book '90% of People Are Talkers',
which has been the best-selling book in Japan for the five years of the Reiwa era.

The foundation of my current way of life and being
began with my meeting with Shigehisa Nagamatsu in 2011.

The masterpiece that fundamentally changed my way of life, 'Conditions for Emotion'.

When I was working as a salaryman at Panasonic,
work wasn't going very well, things at home weren't going well either,
and I, thinking I would just read a book to change my mood, wandered off.

I dropped by a local bookstore, and while wandering around the store,
thinking 'There's no book that suits me right now,' just as I was about to leave,
my eyes caught the only copy of 'Conditions for Emotion' left in the store.

I wondered what kind of person this guy could be to make Hitori Saito, whom I occasionally read, say so much about him...
and I picked up that last copy.

Having some time after work, I went to the parking lot of a local bookstore called Meirindo
and started reading the 'Conditions for Emotion' I had picked up in my car. The book's title must have had an impact on me.

I finished reading it in about two hours, and the 'way of life' I wanted to know about at the time
was written in an easy-to-understand way in 'Conditions for Emotion',
and I was crying my eyes out in the car with snot running down my nose...

At the same time, I still remember the feeling of my heart clearing up.
I was so shocked and moved that, since I was doing a side job at the time
and publishing an email newsletter through Mag2,

I wrote about what happened that day to the readers subscribed to my newsletter,
and recommended 'Conditions for Emotion' to them over and over again.

I think I was sending out messages almost every day from various angles, saying 'Conditions for Emotion' is the best!
and 'You just have to read it!'

As a result, about 800 copies were sold through my newsletter one way or another,
so the publisher KK Long Sellers and Shige-nii's manager
looked into various things,

and one day, suddenly, an email arrived from Shige-nii's manager
to my computer...

It said, 'The author, Nagamatsu, would like to express his gratitude, so could you spare some time?'

The moment I saw this email, I almost peed my pants (laughs).
'Huh? Huh? You're kidding, right? Can things like that really happen?' I thought...

And so, while coordinating our schedules and being completely tense,
I visited 'Hinata-ya' in Daimyo, Fukuoka, which was managed by Shigehisa Nagamatsu, the author of 'Conditions for Emotion',
and met him in person. Oh, that brings back memories.

It was 14 years ago, so I was young (laughs).

On that day, we spent about two hours talking about the events leading up to that point,
what I had done so far, what I was doing now, and how I wanted to live from then on.
He listened to all sorts of stories. I still have the IC recorder from that time (laughs).

During that time, he was happy about my experience, and I received a request asking if I would be willing to help with Shige-nii's internet-related work,
and I was appointed as Mr. Nagamatsu's web manager at the time.

The three years from then until I began providing home-based cancer care for my parents.
He taught me so many truly important things.

Mr. Nagamatsu is often called 'Shige-nii' by his close friends and long-time acquaintances,
and I also call him Shige-nii.

He gave me the nickname 'Marton,' and that is what I am called.
I also call Mr. Nagamatsu Shige-nii.

In 2011, he was scheduled to give a lecture in Kikuchi, Kumamoto,
and when I accompanied him to this lecture, he said this to me
while signing books.

Marton (me), don't you forget it, okay? No matter what happens.
It is important to never neglect the effort to keep yourself in a good mood.
Blaming yourself won't solve anything, you know?

If you keep blaming yourself, when will you ever be happy? You are happy right now, aren't you?

If you consciously practice this in your daily life, at the very least,
you will hurt yourself and the people you care about less often.

That is why you should never run away from the dialogue with yourself.
*In the waiting room of the Kikuchi City Cultural Hall, Kumamoto Prefecture, 2011...

The teaching I was given at that time to always face my own mood
became a driving force that would greatly change my life from then on,
and it became words I will never forget for the rest of my life.

You must not be swallowed by your ego. And you must not
run away from the dialogue with yourself... It will be okay...

As I touched upon in my own book,
when my heart is about to throw a tantrum (suffering),

when I remember the words Shige-nii gave me,
the tantrum (suffering) clouding my mind disappears,
and it becomes easier for it to turn into gratitude.

Back then, I was too conscious of working for the sake of others,
which led to a lot of self-sacrifice, and I would often end up feeling miserable later,
and I found myself enduring things too often.

To me, who kept repeating self-sacrifice to find my own worth
by working only for the sake of others,

Shige-nii taught me through 'The Conditions of Being Moved' that self-sacrifice is unnecessary. During that time, there was a magical phrase that became my emotional support. That is the 'For You' spirit.

When you are serious about something, you need to
click your 'heart's switch' on...

The heart's switch...
It resonated in my chest.

And that what people are truly seeking
is the 'happiness' that exists between themselves and others.

It's not about which one is more important; because both are important,
instead of sacrificing yourself,

he taught me that you should just do your best.

I was truly saved by encountering these words, and
I have made great use of them in both my work and private life.

As Shige-nii often says,
true 'realization' can only be born from practice.

Through my life as a salaryman, through romance,
through friends, and through work,

I have learned a great deal while constantly being mindful
to continue practicing without self-sacrifice.

Not by giving or by taking from each other,
but by continuing to give to one another.

Among the things I was taught, the most important one,
I believe, is always 'harmony'.

I wrote this in my own book, but a long time ago,
I emitted so much negative energy that I experienced
six rear-end collisions in one year.
There probably aren't many people like that 💦

This is where I started to change my way of life, but if I hadn't realized it,
I would never have met the 'Conditions for Inspiration' or Shige-nii,

and I feel I would still be living my life
while sacrificing myself without noticing what is truly important.

And someday, I might have demanded back what I sacrificed
from someone, from a loved one, or from my family,
or perhaps I would have taken my frustrations out on them.

We cannot fill our own happiness
by stealing the happiness of others!

I am grateful from the bottom of my heart to Shige-nii
for teaching me these important 'principles'.

What built the foundation for my decision to become independent
was the way of life that Shige-nii aims for.

Thanks to the connections woven through the 'Conditions for Inspiration',
I was also able to meet wonderful seniors in life.

Even if I hadn't met them,
I think I would have decided to become independent somewhere along the way.

That is how much the words Shige-nii
spoke in his books

gave me courage and hope.

Every time we met, new lessons would fill my notebook,
and at the time, I was scrambling to keep up (laughs).

I had made it a habit to take notes
since I was a salaryman,

but he also taught me many times back then
that it is also very important to properly record the realizations of daily life that lie one step ahead.

Because when you touch upon the realizations found in everyday life,
you can notice the blind spots hidden within common sense.

When something goes well, it is important to ride that momentum,
but he also often spoke about the importance of returning to the question,
Are you keeping your feet on the ground?

The message he shared while we were smoking together:
I want to become a 'cool, refreshing breeze'.

Before the Kumamoto Kikuchi lecture in 2011 that I mentioned earlier,
there was a time when I was outside smoking with Shige-nii,

and I had a moment to express my gratitude once again for the connection
that allowed me to meet Shige-nii through his books.

After that, what Shige-nii told me with a smile was,
'Thank you! But that's not it.'

'It's thanks to you, Marton, for believing in your own way of life
and walking your path all this time.'

'I have been walking my own path, believing in my own way of life
on a different road, just like you, Marton, but...'

'Because the destination we are aiming for is the same, we were surely
destined to meet at the intersection of our paths.'

'So, Marton, you should also believe in yourself and live with purpose.'
'Because we share the same things, we can stand in the same place.'

'If you walk with that kind of purpose, you will definitely be drawn
to each other again somewhere, someday. You will come to understand
this more as time goes on.'

'Marton, I want to be a cool, refreshing breeze'
for myself and for others. That way of living and being
is truly important from now on.'

'For the future, don't forget about becoming a cool, refreshing breeze!
The day will come when you will surely understand, because it's you.'

Saying that, Shige-nii went back into the hall.
At the time, as I followed his back, I kept thinking about the meaning
of the words 'becoming a cool, refreshing breeze',
but I didn't understand. 💦

Time has flown by, and 14 years have passed since then.
My great benefactor who guided me to become an author, Shigehisa Nagamatsu.

Now, perhaps only a little, but I feel like I understand the meaning
of the way of life Shige-nii taught me back then:
'becoming a cool, refreshing breeze'.

In short, it means you must not blame yourself.
It means not linking what you did to your own existence,
and giving yourself permission to cherish your whole self.

Ah, everything was connected... thank you so much.

Mr. Nagamatsu has many masterpieces, but
personally, when I return to my roots, I re-read 'The Conditions for Emotion'.
It is my bible.

I will share more stories that Japan's number one author has given me. ^^
Thank you for today as well.