The parts of myself I haven't accepted
The other day, I participated in a Foundation (Self-Foundation) workshop held in Utsunomiya. I had a major realization, so I would like to write about it.
This is my third year participating, but this was the first time I attended for the full two days. That said, I had a child's event I absolutely had to attend on the first day, so I arrived in the afternoon, making it strictly 1.5 days.
Although I started on the afternoon of the first day, the theme this time was "Integrity." While talking with the person I was paired with, I realized that it takes a lot of courage for me to express the feelings from the very depths of my pure self. No, I had realized it before, but I hadn't tried to find the true nature of it. However, perhaps thinking that this place might be safe, I ended up looking into it deeply this time.
When I express my heartfelt opinions, my voice trembles or I tear up.
As I shared that and received feedback and opinions from others, I felt for myself why that was happening.
When I did, the part of myself that I hadn't accepted emerged.
I often hear people say, "I can't accept it when I see the ugly parts of my heart," but I believe it's natural for humans to have ugly parts, so I can easily accept the ugly parts of my own heart.
What I couldn't accept was the pure part deep in my heart—my true self.
Even when I saw people saying beautiful things, I would doubt them, thinking, "They might be saying that on the surface, but aren't those not their true, beautiful feelings?"
But the reason I was doubting them was because I wasn't honestly expressing my own pure side, so I assumed that others weren't being sincere either.
I realized that I had been hiding my own pure side.
That is why my voice would tremble and I would tear up whenever I tried to express my pure side; it was scary.
Once I realized it and was able to share it, I felt as though my heart had been liberated.
I promised myself, "I'm sorry for keeping you covered up for so long. From now on, I will express my true, pure self without fear."
The harder people have worked to live, the more they lose touch with their true feelings.
I will continue to write here about hints for reclaiming your life.
I would be happy if we could meet here again.
Heart's Re:Treat ~Time to reclaim your life~
Hisako