Forgetting might be a way of 'clearing the mind' to move forward.
"Why did that person say something like that?"
"If only that failure hadn't happened..."
"If only I could go back to that time..."
In life, there are events we end up remembering over and over again.
Past failures.
Heartless words someone said to us.
Things that didn't go as planned.
Memories that make us blame ourselves.
We want to forget, but we can't.
I think everyone has at least one such experience.
However, there is a quote by Joseph Murphy that goes like this:
"The mark of a genius is knowing what to overlook."
When I read these words,
I realized that "overlooking"
doesn't simply mean pretending nothing happened.
It means letting go of what is no longer needed in your life.
That, too, might be an important strength.
⸻
When you hold onto the past, you lose sight of the present
When you keep replaying past events over and over,
your heart starts living in "yesterday" before you know it.
"I should have done this at that time"
"Why only me..."
"I can't forgive"
Such thoughts spin around in your head.
But no matter how much you think about it,
you cannot change the past itself.
What you can change is
how you treat that event from now on.
Of course, there is no need to force yourself to forget.
There is no need to tell yourself that you weren't hurt when you were.
However,
"I don't have to give any more of my time to this memory"
You can decide that.
⸻
"Forgiveness" is not for the other person's sake
"There is someone I can't forgive"
At times like that,
even if you are told to "forgive them,"
it is not something you can do easily.
In fact,
"Why should I have to forgive them?"
You might even think that.
That is why I would like to think about the word 'forgive'
from a slightly different angle.
Forgiving does not mean condoning the other person's actions.
You can keep thinking,
"What that person did was wrong."
Even so,
deciding that "I will no longer let that event control my heart"
is what it means.
That might be the kind of "forgiveness" that frees yourself.
⸻
Be a little kinder to yourself, too
And what is surprisingly difficult is
forgiving yourself.
"I should have tried harder back then"
"Why did I do something like that?"
"I'm no good at anything"
In that way,
you might keep blaming your past self.
But the you at that time
must have been doing the best they could.
You didn't have the knowledge.
You didn't have the leeway.
You didn't have the experience.
Therefore, the current you
doesn't have to keep blaming your past self.
"I did the best I could back then"
Just saying that to yourself is enough.
Forgiving your past self
is not about justifying the past.
It is about cherishing the you of the future.
⸻
There are things it is okay to overlook
We tend to think that
"not forgetting" is important.
Don't forget failures.
Don't forget unpleasant experiences.
Don't forget what someone did to you.
Of course, it is important to learn from them.
But there is no need to keep everything in your heart.
Failures you have finished learning from.
Pain that is already over.
Anger that is no longer needed by the current you.
There are things you don't have to hold onto forever.
Letting go is not losing.
Rather,
determining that "this is no longer needed in my life"
is, I believe, a strength to protect your own heart.
⸻
To be happy, you don't have to solve everything
Perfect health.
Perfect happiness.
Perfect peace of mind.
When you aim for such "perfection,"
it can actually become painful.
In life, there are unpleasant things.
There are failures.
There are times when you get hurt in human relationships.
That is okay.
You don't have to erase everything.
Just,
let go little by little of the things you feel you "don't have to carry anymore."
Even just doing that
will gradually create space in your heart.
And in that space,
new encounters,
new joys,
small happinesses,
and peaceful times
might find their way in.
⸻
The past cannot be changed.
But,
whether you keep holding onto the past,
or gently let it go and live for today,
is something you can choose for your future self.
So today,
why not let go of just one thing?
It could be a past failure.
It could be anger toward someone.
It could be regret toward yourself.
"That's enough for now"
Saying that,
put down one piece of emotional baggage.
Forgetting
is not about pretending the past didn't happen.
It is about setting your future self free.
When you think of it that way,
the word "forgetting" starts to look a little kinder.
It's okay not to try too hard today, either.
Let's choose, one by one,
the choices that make your heart a little lighter.🌿