The place I found, little by little

Last time, I wrote about how, through repeated school transfers, I began to view the distance between myself and others with a bit more caution.

Even if we became close, we might have to say goodbye again.
Thinking that way, I think I was putting a little brake on my heart somewhere.

The place I finally arrived at after all that was Gifu.

A new school.
A new classroom.
A new teacher.
New friends.

Even though I had experienced it many times, I was still nervous at first.

The hallway before entering the classroom.
Just hearing everyone's voices made my chest tighten a little.

I wonder if I'll be able to get along well here.

I feel like I was thinking things like that, even as a child.

It wasn't that anything special happened right from the start.

But walking the same path to school every day.
The number of people who remembered my face gradually increasing.
Being spoken to during break time.
Being able to naturally talk to the child sitting nearby during lunch time.

Those small accumulations gradually created a sense of security within me.

I might have to leave again someday.

It's not that that anxiety disappeared completely.
However, during the time I spent in Gifu, I began to feel something little by little.

Maybe it's okay for me to be here.
Maybe I don't have to rush to become friends, maybe it's okay to take it slow.

Having transferred schools so often, I might have felt somewhere that I had to fit in quickly.
But in reality, I think a place to belong isn't something you create in a hurry, but something that grows little by little through everyday life.

They aren't flashy memories, but the morning commute, the smell of the classroom, a casual word from a friend.
Those things gradually unraveled my heart.

And before I knew it, I was able to laugh in that place.

For someone like me who had repeated school transfers, that was a very big deal.

This might be my place to belong.

I think being able to think that way made the me of that time a little stronger.

Next time, I will write about how I gradually regained my sense of self during my school life.

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