Mother's Handmade Stamp Rally

Last time, I wrote about the reason why I first started feeling like I didn't want to go to school when I was in the first grade and living in Nagano.

The school I had to climb a mountain path to reach.

An unfamiliar place.

Getting lost.

Getting bitten by a stray dog.

Looking back now, perhaps each of these was just a small event.

But for the little me, every day was filled with anxiety.

One morning, I said to my mother,

"I don't want to go to school."

Upon hearing those words, my mother didn't scold me.

She didn't force me to go, either.

She simply accepted my feelings.

And then, to help me look forward to going to school even a little bit, my mother made something for me.

It was a handmade stamp rally.

A small card where she drew squares, and I would stamp it on the days I managed to go to school.

That was the kind of small card it was.

Thinking about it now, it was a very simple thing.

But for me at that time, it made me very happy.

"Where will I be able to put a stamp today?"

"What will happen when I fill it all up?"

I think I was still afraid of going to school itself.

But knowing that I had time to stamp my card after coming home made me feel a little more positive.

I don't think my mother was trying to take away my anxiety,

but rather helping me take a step forward even while still feeling anxious.

That was a huge support for me as a child.

The days I could go to school.

The days I could come home without crying.

The days I could try just a little bit harder.

My mother saw every single one of those moments.

Every time the number of stamps increased, a little more confidence grew inside me too.

"I made it today."

"Maybe I can go tomorrow, too."

I think that's how I gradually regained the feeling of wanting to go to school.

Even now that I'm an adult, I remember that stamp rally.

I don't clearly remember the shape of the paper or the detailed designs of the stamps.

But the fact that my mother thought of it for me,

and that she didn't deny my feelings but stood by me,

that warmth still remains in my heart.

When I was a child, I couldn't put it into words well.

I'm scared.

Anxiety.

I didn't want to go.

I think I just didn't know how to express those feelings.

Even so, my mother noticed my small signs.

And she helped me find a way to move forward at my own pace.

This experience is still connected to who I am today.

Sometimes, people can move forward more by being gently supported than by being encouraged with strong words.

Sometimes, you can find a little courage by having your current feelings accepted rather than being forced to change.

My mother's handmade stamp rally was not just a game to me.

"It's okay, I'm watching over you."

I think that was the message from my mother.

Next time, I would like to write about the distance between people and the goodbyes I felt during my subsequent life after transferring schools.

#MothersLove
#ChildsFeelings
#DontWantToGoToSchool
#ElementarySchoolDays
#FamilyMemories
#Parenting
#SchoolRefusal
#TransferringSchools
#LifeRecord
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