[Music Video] sha-toma The Shape of My Non-Straight Self — A Story About Not Using It as an Escape

What is sha-toma?

This was born after I read a certain article,

What have I been doing all this time?
What do I want to do?

and it gave me the opportunity to think about it, so I think it is a
story of looking back at myselfthat was created.

I don't mean to deny those who move straight ahead.

Those people are truly strong.
They keep digging every day, overcoming scary sounds,
and breaking through to the light on the other side.

I almost get blinded by that brilliance.

But what I wanted
was not the success itself that everyone envies,
but the peace of mind to be able to cherish what I have in my hands.

The meaning of sha-toma is a fictional language that means 'to stack while swaying'.

[Story]

One morning,
we heard a sound that shook the earth.

A giant machine that came to this small town,
boasting some of the world's top performance.

I had heard the rumors.
It finally arrived.

We threw down our tools
and ran off in a frenzy.

The two of us stood side by side and looked up at the shiny giant body.

It seems someone from our town contributed greatly to its development.
Everyone praised him and envied him.

I was one of them.

I looked up until my neck hurt,
and just as that radiance started to become blinding,
I suddenly realized.

It's impossible for me.
I can't be like that.

They must have been very blessed.

But my friend was different.

-- I'm going to end up like that, too.

I looked away, so I didn't see
the giddy color fade from her eyes.

I looked away, so I
didn't see it.

We each began to dig
our own holes.

Holes that we didn't even know where they led.

While I was digging my hole,

Wouldn't it be nice to have a shelf here?
Maybe I'll decorate it with something I found the other day.

In that way,
I was always carefree and taking detours.

Getting bored,
having a sudden idea,
or getting distracted by something interesting,

I would stop digging.

Before I knew it, the gap between her and me had widened rapidly.

She seemed to be pouring everything she had
straight into just digging.

On a whim,
I poked my head into her hole.

I found her hauling out dirt and waved.

She was happy to show me around.

-- You know, this tool is useful for times like this!

-- I found some good stones, so I even bought a rock drill.

-- We really can't get by without a minecart anymore, can we!

As I listened to her talk,
somehow, I started to have fun too.

Oh, really? That's interesting!
Maybe I'll try using it too.

As I nodded along,
I watched her look so happy.

It wasn't just about digging.
Seeing her look so happy,
I felt a little relieved.

After our brief interaction,
I returned to my own hole.

Wait, my hole...
Was it always this dark...?

My lamp is a cheap one.
The hole is narrow and dark.

...What have I been doing all this time?

On the shelf I'd carved into the wall,
a small shadow flickered.

I should try a little harder.

Just as I thought that,
the wall suddenly collapsed, revealing a hollow space.

I can hear something from deep inside.

Mew... mew...

Wanting to see what it was,
I followed the faint sound into the narrow hollow.

What I found there
were kittens that had wandered in from somewhere.

On the other side of a large stone
that looked like it was about to collapse.

At that moment, the ground shook slightly.

Look out!

I instinctively slid under the stone.

Even if I grit my teeth and hold on,
I don't know how long I can last.

The kittens, too scared to move.

Summoning my courage, I let go with one hand,
and pulled them one by one toward safety.

Confirming the kittens were clear,
I pushed the stone back with all my might.

Through the tiny gap that had formed,
I rolled out just in the nick of time.

This, too, must be fate.

Thinking that,
I decided to take care of the cats in my own hole.

They follow me around everywhere.

Today is the debut of the rock drill I splurged on.

Okay, ready?
With this, we'll be able to dig a lot more!

I called out to them and started it up.
A roar echoed through the area.

At that moment,
the cats fled in a panic,
hiding behind the toolbox.

I immediately lowered the rock drill and turned it off.

Sorry, I won't use it anymore.

Seeing me switch back to my shovel,
the cats slowly returned to me.

Well... I guess that's fine.

Sighing,
I started digging the hole with my shovel again.

Day after day, I dove into the depths of the hole with the cats.

It didn't progress much by hand,
and as always, I would put down my shovel,
and on a whim, make paths for the cats instead.

One day, there was a rumble in the distance.
Then, the sound of something collapsing.

A cave-in!?
No, was that an explosion...?

Suddenly, I remembered the words I had exchanged with a friend.

— I... I got my hands on some dynamite.

She had a slightly desperate look on her face.

That's dangerous!
You're not... going to use it, are you?

— Oh, yeah... um, it's a charm.

I haven't seen her since.

Could it be?
Did she use it?

Perhaps,

No, surely,

She was just one step away.

After that,
I read in the newspaper that she had opened the tunnel.

They say that on the other side,
a very bright world was spreading out.

The other side that only those who have opened a tunnel can reach.

I, too, felt a little bit,
like I wanted to see it.

I returned to the burrow I use as a bed,
and sat there lost in thought.

What on earth do I want to do?
At this rate, I won't be able to become an opener.

An opener... do I want to be one?
Really?

Suddenly, I look at the cat on my lap.

I like this life.

But, step by step,
if I walk straight ahead,
she proved that I could become an opener.

Maybe I could do it, too.

Perhaps, even if it's just a side path,
it might lead somewhere.

It could be an escape,
an excuse,

or perhaps it was my own resolve.

Even if I imitate someone else's way,
I cannot protect what I want to protect.

Then, I will persist in being myself.

It might be naive.
I might not achieve great success.

But what I want
is not the kind of success everyone envies.

I just want the peace of mind
to cherish what I hold in my hands.

2. Lyrics and Translation

No one
can return to the same morning

I thought only
straight, powerful footprints
were what effort meant

The small footprints
scattered beside them
I had always
pretended not to see

Digging into the same spot
a little bit every day
I know the strength
of those hands

But I
would often look away
and never made the effort
to move straight ahead

toma, toma
noe ni mi
I blamed the nights
that didn't progress

I thought many times
that I was just using
what I couldn't do
as an excuse to run away

Even so
there were times I gritted my teeth
while on the verge of collapsing
under the weight of crumbling stones

sha-toma
noe ni mi
The shape of me
that isn't straight
piled up while swaying

sha-toma
toma keth
I don't want to make this an escape route
but
I don't even know if I'm moving forward

Dynamite
echoing in the distance
Someone is breaking through
toward the light over there

I stopped in my tracks and
stared at
the small, mud-stained
shovel.

It's not that I don't
want to grasp
the light over there.

I wanted it
not to win,
but for the sake of
peace of mind.

mi-ra, mi-ra
sha ni ai
What do I want to protect?
I gaze at it while wavering.

It is not a glamorous wish,
nor is it a path to victory,
nor is it a path to chase after someone.

In the small room
where the cat sleeps,
I gently lower my eyes
at the brightness I caught a glimpse of.

sha-toma
noe ni mi
So it doesn't fade away,
I give shape to the present.

sha-toma
toma keth
So it doesn't become an escape,
today too, I dig
the path a little.

No one
can return to the same morning.

That is why I
line up here
the things I picked up
after the morning I cannot return to.

3. The place where this song was born

What gave me the trigger to think about this
was an article by Yamaoku AI Research Institute.

However, I was influenced by it on my own,
it is not a summary of the views of Yamaoku AI Research Institute,
nor do I wish to argue against them.

What do I want to do?
It provided a hook to think about that.

The content is wonderful,
so I definitely want you to take a look.

Successful people keep their destination firmly in sight.
They move straight ahead, always thinking about how to reach it.

Even if it's a few hours a day, or all day long,
I suppose that depends on the person,
but anyway, they just keep moving forward.

Every single day.

I could imagine it.
I understood the logic.

But for me, that was what I was worst at.

I thought I was a failure.

I immediately drift toward whatever interests me.
I get bored right away.

I've never even thought about a vision for the future.

When I think I want to do something,
I just head in that direction.

I even thought I wanted to stay unencumbered,
so I could jump at any chance.

No, I still think that.

But,
by only taking small bites of everything,
everything ended up half-baked.

I realized I hadn't accomplished anything.

But,
'If you've kept it up for 10 years, that's amazing.'

That's what I was told.

A decade that feels intense, yet not quite intense.
A decade like that.

A time where I felt like I was desperate, yet not quite serious.

I couldn't swallow it properly, but,
as I kept digging deeper,
it took this shape.

'You can succeed if you imitate others'
'Just keep pushing forward'
'Have a goal'

I'm a contrarian, so,
I didn't feel like listening to that advice honestly.

I decided to take it little by little.

If there is a path that is mine alone,
there is always a cat there.

4. A loose translation of Shinoka language

This is a language for not defining emotions and relationships that, when put into words, would be divided into good and evil or become excuses.

sha is swaying.
toma is piling up.

sha-toma is,
to stack while swaying.

It is not straight.
But, to give it shape so it does not disappear.

toma keth is,
a boundary line to ensure it does not become an escape route.
So as not to use it as an excuse by saying 'because this is the shape I am',
I dig today's path a little.