The Power of Validation

When my child was about five years old, we were practicing the piano together.

My child was taking lessons from a piano teacher and was teaching me what they learned.

At first, we were progressing at about the same pace, but gradually I couldn't keep up with my child.

Initially, I thought it was just a difference in the amount of practice, but that didn't seem to be the case.

When I watched them practice on the weekend, my child's practice would finish in about 15 minutes
.

On the other hand, even after practicing for an hour, I couldn't finish a single piece.

By that point, there was already a gap of about five songs.

Later, it was decided that I would perform a duet with my child at a recital, and I ended up taking a lesson from the teacher for the first time
.

When I played the piano nervously in front of the teacher for the first time, the teacher said this...

"Wonderful!"

I almost blurted out, "Huh?"

This was because when I practiced at home, my wife would point out that my posture was bad or that my touch was too heavy.

My wife has been taking piano lessons since she was a child, so she can play to some extent.

However, the teacher first validated me.

Furthermore, she even asked, "How about playing a solo as well as the duet at the recital?"

Of course, I answered "Yes" without hesitation!

After that, I was able to experience various things beyond just playing the piano, such as practicing conducting and drawing slurs on the sheet music with colored pencils.

Whenever I could do something I couldn't do before, the teacher would say, "Wonderful!"

I don't know if the teacher is someone who validates others unconsciously in daily life, or if she is consciously validating students because it is a lesson.

Either way, there is no way that being validated would make someone feel bad. On the contrary, it made me even more motivated to play the piano, which I already loved.

After such a fun lesson, when I got home, I suddenly thought to myself.

“Am I properly validating my clients during coaching sessions?”

As I asked myself that question, I found myself holding my head in my hands.

In one-on-one coaching and consulting, validation is an essential point.

And it definitely has a positive impact on the other person's actions.

I realized that while I preach the “power of validation” in my newsletters and seminars, I have been neglecting it myself.

I just realized this from a typo, but perhaps a “merchant” (shonin) is someone who can “validate” (shonin) others.

People naturally gather around those who validate them. If people gather, business can be done.

One of the reasons why social media has become so widespread is that it “satisfies the desire for validation.”

Even for little things that family members might not empathize with, strangers will give you a “like” or a “heart,” or validate you with a comment.

That makes me happy, and I end up posting more.

I want to consciously increase the amount of validation I give, and eventually become someone who can naturally validate others.

Who will you validate today?