[Project Participation] I can carry you on my back anytime
"Mommy, piggyback please."
That is the catchphrase of my daughter, who is turning seven soon.
"Oh, alright then."
I say, grumbling a bit, but then I grin as I give her a piggyback ride.
In the cold winter, carrying my daughter, who has a high body temperature, feels as warm as having a hot water bottle on my back.
But it is not just the warmth of her body temperature.
I am actually aware of a much deeper, slow-spreading warmth that comes from the depths of my heart.
※※※
Our family consists of my husband, a struggling artist, myself as the head of the household, and our daughter who will soon be seven.
We are a family of three.
I didn't want to have an only child from the very beginning.
"An only child is fine."
"I want an only child."
It took quite a long time
to be able to think that way.
After a long, long time,
recently, from the bottom of my heart,
"The three of us being together is a miracle."
"We are here now because of a series of miracles."
I have come to be able to think that way.
Above all, because she is an only child,
I can always be the one to respond
to my daughter's request to "give me a piggyback ride."
***
Previously, while watching a drama
called "Stepmom and Daughter Blues,"
there was a line that really struck a chord with me.
The stepmother played by Haruka Ayase says to her stepdaughter,
"I am a wretched woman who has been raising myself again by doing the things I wanted done for me."
I believe that was the nuance of the line.
To that, the daughter played by Moka Kamishiraishi replies,
"Mother, that is love."
That is how she responds.
Born as the eldest of three siblings, I grew up thinking,
"I have to grow up quickly and stand on my own two feet. I have to yield to my younger brother and sister for Mom and Dad."
I grew up convinced of that.
But in my heart, I always thought, "I want to be carried on their backs like my brother and sister. I want them to hold my hand.
I want them to look at me, I want them to love me
"
That is how I felt.
I carry my daughter, who has grown heavy and substantial, on my back and walk slowly, very slowly.
On my back, the younger me who wanted to be carried is also smiling happily.
"Raising myself again"
"Mom, that is love."
A warmth that comes from much, much deeper in the heart,
a slow-spreading
warmth.
This might
possibly
be love.
※※※
Good morning✨✨✨
This morning, for the first time in a while, I participated in a project.
It is this project by Riko-san.
Submissions are open from February 20th to March 31st at 23:59.
Riko-san, thank you for such a wonderful project✨✨✨
※※※
I never wanted to be an only child from the start.
For a very long time, I thought I wanted another one.
In my head, I told myself, 'I was miraculously blessed with a child'.
I will try to think that way.
I told myself that over and over again. However, I couldn't quite accept it from the bottom of my heart.
I sometimes think that the best medicine for any conflict or sadness is the passage of time.
No matter how much advice I get from others, or how much I tell myself,
I think that unless my own heart is convinced, it will never feel clear.
Through the passage of time and various encounters, I am now truly grateful for the miracle of being able to be these three people together.
Thank you very much for reading this far✨✨✨