There are incredibly cold parts and incredibly warm parts within me, and they are all me; I want to be someone who can offer a spoonful of kindness from time to time.

Good morning 😃

This happened yesterday.

I took my daughter to her usual lesson, and on the way back, we took the train.

When it's sunny, we go by bicycle, but yesterday it was unfortunately drizzling.

Because I'm not used to taking the train, I carelessly left my daughter's knapsack on the train when we got off.

When we were going through the ticket gate, I suddenly noticed my daughter's back felt light, and I hurriedly told the station attendant, 'Excuse me, I accidentally left a knapsack on the train that just headed toward XX.'

At that point, in my heart, I was thinking, 'Sigh, even if it's found, I'll probably have to go all the way to the terminal station to pick it up tomorrow.'

However, the station attendant at the gate immediately checked the arrival station of the moving train on a monitor, and after quickly communicating by phone, they secured it at the ticket gate of a station three stops away.

That whole process took only about 10 minutes.

They asked, 'It's been found and is currently secured at XX station; what would you like to do?' so we got back on the train and were able to bring the knapsack home safely.

My daughter and I thanked the station attendant who secured it and the one who searched for it, and then we headed home.

Sigh. I'm so grateful. Even though it's their job, I was the one who was careless and caused them extra trouble, yet they didn't look annoyed at all and handled it with such a pleasant smile, as if to say it was no trouble at all.

Recently, when I look around, I notice that my surroundings are overflowing with small, numerous acts of kindness.

When I woke up this morning, there was a gift of kiwis from my mother-in-law.

After dinner, I saw my husband working on something, and when I looked closer, he was fixing the watch I use that had a broken strap.

While wondering if the vow I made at the beginning of the year to have 'a spoonful of kindness' was a good thing, I decided to reflect on it a little more.

Before I started writing on note, I thought somewhere that I am essentially a very cold person, but I don't like that, so living means somehow becoming kinder through the hardships of life.

I thought that somewhere.

Through my self-reflection over the past few years, I've come to realize that There are both incredibly cold parts and kind parts within me. Both of them are me.

I have come to see it that way.

Even when I want to be kind, if I end up being incredibly cold, I start to hate myself and blame myself.

On the other hand, when I look back carefully at the times I became incredibly cold, I think it was usually when I had absolutely no room to spare.

When I have peace of mind, I want to be kind whenever possible.

However, deep down, there has always been a sense of self-denial that I am not good enough as I am, and because I am constantly encouraging myself, whipping myself, and pushing forward, I have often been in a state of having no room to spare.

Only by accepting myself entirely as I am right now am I beginning to be able to control that deep-seated sense of self-denial to some extent.

When I keep denying myself, I get irritated and cold when I have no room to spare or when I see someone who reflects myself.

When I accept myself entirely, I realize that I am surely irritated at something within myself, and that irritation might be a reaction to some past trauma I am recalling within me.

I will go back to that point and first take care of myself.

I will dive down from the irritating object in front of me to the point in the past where I was hurt and left crying.

Once I find the target period or trauma there, I will diligently heal that version of me using the four phrases of Ho'oponopono.

Thank you
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
I love you

When it feels like too much trouble, I just chant 'I'm sorry, I love you' in my heart, from Dr. Hew Len of Hawaii, which I read about before.

Then, somehow, my heart clears up, and I think,

'I see, I was irritated here, but at the root, I was projecting a wounded, unhealed past, and that irritation was a secondary emotion.'

I have come to think in that way.

Of course, I am not a devoted advocate of Ho'oponopono, but I like that these four phrases—or just the two words 'I'm sorry, I love you' when things are tedious—are a quick way to heal my inner child.

Whether it is just a coincidence or not, I have felt that kindness is overflowing around me lately, so I tried to put it into words.

I have both incredibly cold and incredibly warm parts within me, and they are all me; I want to be someone who can offer a spoonful of kindness whenever the moment calls for it.

That was it.

Thank you so much for reading this far✨✨✨