Within Words

I misunderstood the theme for the Short Creative Writing Grand Prix.

I wrote about the location of the heart instead of the place where the heart resides.


Some days are just like that.

My life has been nothing but sighs.

I need a permit just to speak.

I am always walking on eggshells around others.

If the other person's eyelids even begin to droop,

my breath stops.

I hated that version of myself.

I longed for the sight of people making small talk.

In my heart, I could say what I wanted to say.

But when it comes to my mouth, the words don't come out right.

Different words come out than the ones I am thinking.

Two books came to me in that state.

From the head chef who interviewed me for a job.

"Read them over and over again."

That is what he said about those two books.

I thought that even if I read the books,


I wouldn't change.

I cried at the first book.

I cried for five hours straight.

I cried at the second book, too.

I cried for five hours straight, then fell asleep.

When I woke up next

it was the first time I felt it was okay for me to be alive

The answer I had wanted to know for many years

I was taught that by a book


Half a year ago, I thought I had been saved by words and books

By the heart that was within the words

But, I hadn't been saved

A month later, I was taught again by a book that I had realized it myself

If the heart is not put into words, nothing emerges

It is no different from having nothing at all

That is why I am writing

By writing, I am searching for my own heart

There was heart in songs, movies, and comedy too

For half a year, I have seen various hearts

The heart I encountered was a book

I also thought I wanted to try writing a book

A book that could deliver words to the me of the past

The person I want to convey words to is myself

To show my true self to myself

Words without lies are what work for me


This place is a practice ground for that

My heart is here

Postscript

I was even more mistaken

It was neither the location of the heart nor the whereabouts of the heart

It was the 'whereabouts of the heart'