The Strength of Having a 'Place to Belong' Outside of School
Hello. I am Yumiko Kachi, a clinical psychologist.
While raising four children, I run an online-only therapy room.
My two eldest children went through a period of school non-attendance.
Based on that experience, I wanted to create a place where children and parents could spend time with peace of mind, regardless of whether they go to school or not, so I also run a volunteer free space.
This time, I would like to write a message to parents and children in elementary and junior high school from the perspective of a free space operator and a parent.
Do you have a 'place to belong' where you can feel at ease, other than school and home?
Does your child currently have a 'place to belong' where they can feel at ease, other than school and home?
For example, lessons, cram schools, libraries, children's centers, after-school day services, free spaces, free schools, a neighbor's house, etc.
No matter what kind of place it is, it should be a place where they can think, 'Ah, this is comfortable,' 'I can relax here,' or 'I can be myself without pushing too hard.'
Of course, it is not too late to look for one after something happens to your child (for example, reluctance to go to school).
However, I recommend picking out and securing a few 'places to belong' where children can easily and safely spend time even during the day, starting from the daily stage before problems surface, because it helps both children and parents maintain a better mental space when the 'time comes'♡
In Zushi and Hayama, where I live, such a wonderful map has been created by the private sector and is placed all over the city.
https://www.city.zushi.kanagawa.jp/_res/projects/default_project/_page_/001/002/999/fsfs.pdf
From this site, you can obtain useful information regarding 'diverse learning' nationwide, so please use it when you want to know about your local area.
Please try to find a place in your neighborhood where your child can easily spend time.
Isn't it okay to have a change of pace in a place other than school sometimes!?
My younger children (3rd and 1st grade) usually go to school.
But sometimes, they take a day off from school to participate in the free space 'Okaeri' that I run.
For example, when there is a field trip event, a cooking class, or an art therapy session, when the children say 'I want to participate!', I contact the school in advance saying, 'They will be participating in the free space on such-and-such a day, so they will be absent.'
School environments are also changing flexibly now, and the atmosphere has become such that it is easier for parents to convey their family's requests.
At the free space, they can have experiences that are hard to get at school, and the children feel refreshed!!!
While the 'tension' at school is certainly necessary for a child's growth, I feel, after watching my own children, that it's okay to take a breather like this from time to time.
The Importance of 'Mental Insurance': Knowing You Can Go Whenever You Need To
For children, 'school' is the 'society' where they usually interact with others.
When they lose their place in 'school,' which is a huge presence in a child's world, children tend to get hurt more than parents realize and often view their own value as lower.
Some children even blame themselves, thinking, 'I'm no good because I don't fit in at school.'
Of course, as a parent, it is necessary to face your child's heart, listen to them, and work to improve the school environment, but at the same time, I believe that broadening your perspective and looking for a 'society' outside of school where your child can spend time is a very important choice for reopening their possibilities.
Since the start of this school year, the regular members who had been coming to the free space 'Okaeri' that I run have returned to school.
By spending time safely and playing around with a small group of peers in similar situations at the free space, it seems they gained the energy to take on the challenge of 'school' again.
Parents have given me feedback that knowing they can 'go to Okaeri whenever they need to' seems to lead to a sense of security for their children.
At the free space, I don't do anything special; I just 'am there,' but I am truly moved by how wonderful the power of interaction between children is.
The free space is currently on summer break, but I plan to open it at my own pace starting in September. Perhaps there won't be any children using it for a while, but even so, if just knowing that 'a place to be is open on this day' serves as emotional support for the children, then I feel that it is fulfilling its function enough as it is.
(This is something I can say because it is run by volunteers, though...)
Let's look around flexibly! Tips for finding local resources
You might be wondering, 'How can I find a wonderful place?'
I recommend removing the frame that says 'school is the only place for education' and trying to find interesting places and interesting people in your 'community' with your child.
While you still have some mental breathing room, keep your antenna up in your daily life, asking, 'Is there any place that could become a place for my child to be during the day on weekdays!?'
I believe that 'diverse learning' is not something that exists only beyond the barrier of school non-attendance, but is a perspective necessary for everyone, regardless of whether they attend school or not.
You might encounter wonderful resources unique to your local area.
Please, as part of a social studies 'town exploration!' with your child, try looking for a place where your child can spend their daytime hours.
Free Registration★Non-Attendance Recovery CPC
This is a free online circle where therapists who are also raising children ({HEC Representative Mr. Kawamura, Aroma Inner Child Work Therapist Tomoko-san, and myself) share our own experiences while explaining topics such as development, parenting, school non-attendance, trauma, and family psychology in an easy-to-understand way.
Receive information on monthly talk videos and columns, and let's practice parenting that supports your child's mental and physical health together! (There are also coupons available to purchase videos at a discount.)
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We recommend participating if you are someone who:
Wants to be able to hug their child
Wants to engage deeply with their child with love
Wants to face their child's developmental challenges properly
Wants to appropriately support a child who is withdrawn or does not want to go to school
Is interested in free schools, or has a child attending one
Wants to know how to communicate with kindergartens or schools
Wants to feel confident in parenting as a single parent
Wants to improve their relationship with their spouse (sexual issues, dual-income, communication, etc.)
Wants to interact well with other moms, or wants to organize those relationships
Wants to process their own upbringing
Details and registration for CPC are below