The Day I Reclaimed My 'Good Mood'

For the first time in a while, I ended the day feeling like it was 'fun'.

I didn't do anything particularly amazing.

I ate yakiniku,
went for a short drive,
took a nap at a roadside station,
reminisced about the past,
looked at the scenery,
and talked a lot.

That's all.

But that 'that's all' is something I haven't been able to do much lately.
—

Until recently, my days felt like daily reports confirming,

'I couldn't do anything today either.'

I couldn't move.

It was painful.
I want to disappear.
I'm tired.
It's meaningless.
I feel like those were the only words I kept lining up.

But today was different.

・It was fun

・It was delicious
・It was nostalgic
・I laughed
・I felt annoyed
・I chuckled
・I was surprised
・I almost cried
My emotions were actually moving.

—

People often say,

'You have to manage your own mood.'

Honestly, I didn't really like that phrase in the past.

Because I thought, if it were that easy, I wouldn't be struggling.

But now,
I understand it a little bit.

'Being in a good mood' isn't about forcing yourself to be positive.
It's about looking at scenery you like,

eating something delicious,
laughing at silly conversations,

reminiscing about the past,
or having time where you feel safe.

I think it's the accumulation of those 'small margins'.

—

At the Shikabe roadside station I visited the other day,
steam was coming out of the drain.

What is this, it's amazing.

I was moved by things like that.

Smelling the scent of the shore,
I remembered visiting a dentist's vacation home a long time ago.

I took the children,
we had a barbecue,
ate a lot,
and laughed a lot.

Those memories
didn't hurt today.

—

Until a little while ago,
just remembering the past was painful.

The work of digging up the past for petitions to government agencies
and creating various documents was truly exhausting.
But today was different.

It wasn't 'digging up',

it was 'remembering'.
—

Surely,

the wounds won't disappear completely.
But I feel like one day,

'That was really tough back then,'

a day will come when I can talk about it while laughing a little.

There's no guarantee,
but today,

I was able to think that way.
That's why today was
a day I was able to reclaim a little bit of 'my own mood'.

It was that kind of day.

—

#CoinBridge
Verbalizing structures and connecting the field with systems

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