[Diabetes Part 3] Learning to give myself insulin injections while suppressing my emotions | Days spent in a diabetes education hospital stay
Last time, I wrote about how I was immediately hospitalized after a follow-up checkup.
This time, I would like to write about what my life was actually like during my diabetes education hospital stay.
Before I was hospitalized, I was in a state of,
"What do you even do during a diabetes hospital stay?"
I hope this will be helpful for those who are feeling the same anxiety.
The first day of hospitalization was just an overwhelming amount of information
Once I was shown to my hospital room, there was just so much explanation.
Blood glucose measurement
Insulin
Meals
Future treatment
Paperwork
Everything started moving forward all at once.
Honestly, at that time, it still didn't feel real.
Blood glucose measurement becomes a part of life
During my hospital stay, I was measuring my blood glucose quite frequently.
I measured it many times, such as before meals, after meals, and before going to bed.
At first, I was even scared to prick my fingertip with the needle.
"So this is what my life is going to be like from now on."
I gradually began to realize it.
Every time I gave myself an insulin injection, my emotions would fade away
During my hospital stay, I also practiced giving myself insulin injections.
At first, I was really scared.
"Do I really have to stick myself?"
I thought.
But as I repeated the blood glucose measurements and insulin injections over and over, I felt my emotions gradually disappearing.
I think that perhaps I couldn't have given myself the injections with a calm mind unless I suppressed my emotions.
Scared,
hating it,
or wondering why it had to be me.
I tried not to think about those kinds of feelings.
I heard later that the medical staff who saw me like that told my parents,
"They have accepted their illness and are working hard on their treatment with a positive attitude."
But in reality, it was completely different (lol).
Honestly, I still haven't accepted it even now.
Receiving education together with people in various situations, such as Type 1 and Type 2
During the education hospital stay, there are times for lectures.
Calorie counting
About diabetes
Complications
Meals
Future life
I learned various things for after I was discharged.
The content itself was very important.
However, for me, it was a very painful time.
In addition to me, people of various ages and backgrounds were participating in the lectures.
As we saw each other several times, we naturally started talking.
At that time, I hadn't been able to come to terms with my illness
During that time, I would sometimes be told things like,
"It's tough for you, being so young."
"You're so thin, yet you have diabetes."
Looking back now, I think everyone was just worried about me and trying to be kind.
But at the time, I still hadn't fully accepted that I had become ill.
That is precisely why I reacted so strongly to those casual remarks.
"Why did I have to get sick?"
I remember feeling very pained during that period because I was carrying those kinds of feelings.
I would cry in the restroom during breaks
When it was time for a break during the lectures, I would go to the restroom and cry by myself.
I would cry, then go back to the lecture.
I kept repeating that.
I think that back then, I still hadn't fully accepted that I had become ill.
Even though everyone around me was having normal conversations, I felt like I had ended up in a different world all by myself.
And from that time on, I started to suppress my emotions little by little again.
My meals were strictly managed
My meals during hospitalization were managed quite strictly.
A fixed amount was served at a fixed time.
At first, I sometimes felt it wasn't enough.
As someone with type 1 diabetes, I have to decide my insulin dosage using carb counting.
Therefore, while there are no dietary restrictions after discharge,
"This amount of food is the standard."
Knowing that was a big deal.
By measuring my blood glucose after meals,
"This is how much it rises with this meal."
I also started to understand that little by little.
It was surprisingly boring
This is something I only realized after being hospitalized, but it was surprisingly boring.
There are tests and lectures, but the time outside of those is quite long.
Looking at my smartphone,
watching videos,
or just zoning out.
When you are in bed all the time, you want to move your body.
When I told my doctor, they gave me permission to go out for walks.
Walking around the hospital for a change of pace, going up and down the stairs for no reason... moving my body was a bit of a refreshment.
I was wondering, "Will I be able to return to a normal life?"
What I often thought about during my hospitalization was,
"Will I be able to work as I did before?"
Type 1 diabetes is a disease you live with for the rest of your life.
Right after the diagnosis,
meals
work
eating out
travel
I didn't know what would happen with any of it.
But in reality, you get used to it little by little.
Of course, there are difficult times, but I am living a normal life now.
I would like to talk about my blood glucose control method another time.
I'm glad I had the education hospitalization
At first, I was quite bewildered by the sudden hospitalization.
But looking back now, I am glad I had the education hospitalization.
It was a big deal to be able to learn properly about blood glucose measurement and insulin at the beginning.
Next time, I plan to write about how much the hospitalization actually cost, including information about the High-Cost Medical Expense Benefit system.