The process of visiting a psychiatrist and stopping medication

I am Minami, and I developed depression and panic disorder about four years ago, and I am currently in the process of overcoming them.

I first visited a psychiatrist about five and a half years ago, and after attending for about a month and a half, I visited a new psychiatrist six months later and continued treatment for about three years.

At first, there were changes significant enough to make me think that a person's physical condition can easily be changed by medication.
I went from being bedridden to being able to move around, but then I started feeling restless if I wasn't doing something, and when the medication was changed, the restlessness went away.
While I thought it was amazing, I also felt that medication was something very scary.
Among them, there were some that had no effect on me.

After taking many types of medication, in less than two years, I was only taking antidepressants.

About two months after that, I started to think.
Are these medications necessary? What is the point of the medication? Am I just dependent on them?
These were the only questions that came to mind.

At the hospital, too, although I was able to talk about various things at first, day by day they only started asking, "How are you feeling?" and I could only answer, "I'm fine."

Although I experienced the fear of medication at the beginning, my mental state didn't stabilize whether I took it or not; I felt bad when I felt bad, and I felt fine when I felt fine.
When I thought about why I was taking the medication and what effects it was having on my body, I realized, "Isn't this just the normal me?" and decided to stop taking it.

Of course, I consulted with my doctor about wanting to stop the medication, and the process of tapering off began.
At first, if I didn't take it even for a day, I would have withdrawal symptoms so severe that my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, and I would experience nausea and cold sweats, which led me to feel depressed, thinking that I couldn't function without the medication.

However, I gradually extended the time, from one day without medication to a day and a half, and so on, and about a year later, I was able to stop going to the hospital and stop taking the medication.

Even now, I have no regrets about that choice, and I am glad that I stopped taking the medication🍀
There were times when I thought that maybe I was able to maintain the normal me thanks to the medication, but I am relieved that I am still the same normal me today🕊

I hope you all find a treatment method that works for you too!!

○ I am sharing my experience on Threads, so please come and take a look if you'd like🍀