I gave up on the retroactive application for disability pension. To protect myself.

I am Minami, and I am currently in the process of overcoming depression and panic disorder, which I developed about four and a half years ago.

It was in June of this year (2025), more than four and a half years after my first visit, that I learned about the system called "retroactive application" for disability pension.

"If only I had known sooner"
"Maybe life would have been a little easier back then"
At the same time as I thought that, I also realized that if it were the me from back then, the moment I looked into the retroactive application, I would have thought, "This is impossible for me" or "I can't move that much."

This time, I made the decision to give up on the application.
I worried and cried over and over again before reaching this decision.
Almost every day, I would think, "What should I do?" or "Is this really okay?" and I would feel so distressed that I couldn't stop crying.

Reasons for giving up

In my case, I had been to a total of three hospitals, and all of them are outside the prefecture where I currently live.
Furthermore, I am not currently visiting any hospitals, and because my physical condition fluctuates and I have panic symptoms, traveling to a distant place was a huge burden.

The hospitals for my first visit and my disability assessment date were different, and the hospital I visited on my first visit said they would only see me a few times and told me, "We can tell you the date of your first visit, but we won't write the documents."

Since I started going to the hospital for the disability assessment date because it was my "first time at a psychiatric clinic," one social insurance labor consultant told me, "Let's make this hospital your first visit date," while another told me, "You cannot change the date of your first visit," which left me in a panic, wondering what to do.

Because the first hospital wouldn't write the "proof of first visit" required for the retroactive application, I decided to have the pharmacy prepare receipts, but a social insurance labor consultant told me, "That's weak," and since I went to the second hospital as a "first visit," the state of my first visit could not be written on the medical certificate.

I asked at the city office, was directed to the pension office, talked to social insurance labor consultants, and called hospitals, and each time I shed tears and was overcome with great anxiety.

Ever since I decided to apply retroactively, I thought about it every single day, became filled with anxiety, and shed tears.
My panic symptoms increased, and my physical condition, which had been improving, began to deteriorate.

I also couldn't find a social insurance labor consultant to fight alongside me.

I don't have the money for hospital visits, medical certificate fees, or travel expenses.
It takes about 2-3 months of hospital visits to get a medical certificate written. It takes about 3 months to apply and get reviewed, and about 3 months to receive benefits.

Even if I could somehow come up with the money, and even if the application were approved, it would take a very long time.
How am I supposed to live during the period until I receive the benefits?

My anxiety just kept growing.

"Maybe I can apply"
"Maybe I could receive several years' worth of pension"

I had those feelings, too, all along.
But the feeling of anxiety was greater, and
I was in so much pain every day that I felt, "If things go on like this, I will break down."

So I decided to give up.

To protect myself.

In closing

Perhaps you are also struggling with disability pension issues.
Some people choose the path of fighting, while others choose the path of giving up.

I don't think one is right or one is better than the other.
I am on your side, whichever you choose.

I gave up to protect "the me of now."
But I would be happy if writing down this experience now makes someone else feel even a little bit lighter.

If someday my heart feels better and I think, 'Maybe I'll try again,' then the me at that time can take action.

Right now, I feel glad that I made this choice.
I have more good days now, and my heart feels much lighter🍀

This has been a long post, but thank you for reading until the end🌷

〇I share my experiences on Threads, so please take a look if you'd like🕊