People who ask, 'What do you like about me?'

Hey, what do you like about me?

Come to think of it, my wife has never asked me that question. Of course, I have never asked her, 'What did you see in me that made you want to marry me?' either.

Everyone, what do you like about me?

Our couple isn't exactly a pair that constantly validates each other, but we both have a tendency to believe that we are the best man and woman in the world, so we don't really need validation from others.

When I see my wife getting ready to go out and say, 'I thought there was a beautiful woman in the house, but it's just you,' she replies with a straight face, 'Well, obviously.'

Very occasionally, I show my wife the results of my work. When I show her my smartphone screen and say, 'This has good taste, right? I did all of it,' she replies with a straight face, 'It's not bad, but I feel like you could do better. Like, look at this part,' so I say, 'Shut up.'

When I go out and get somewhat close to someone, they ask, 'What kind of person is your wife, Ito-san?' It's a common conversation for married people.

When asked 'What kind of person is she?' out of the blue, I'm at a loss.

I don't go through life thinking about what kind of person my wife is. I've never tried to fit her into one of the 16 stereotypical personality types or label her. So, I have no choice but to talk about her appearance. I have no choice but to say that she is the most beautiful person I have ever seen.

I have never been asked, 'Hey, what do you like about me?' So I have never answered it. Since my wife will likely never ask me that in the future either, I don't need to prepare an answer.

…

Come to think of it, the outer part of the brain, the so-called neocortex, governs language. This area is good at processing language, logic, and profit and loss. In the structure of the human brain, the neocortex is a relatively new area. It is the area that excels at verbalization.

On the other hand, the more core part of the brain, the inner part, is called the limbic system, and it cannot handle language. It governs emotions, instincts, and memory. It is a much older and more primitive area than the neocortex.

In cases like this, the instinctive limbic system is not convinced, and the linguistic neocortex has not been able to process the information. That is why the expression 'I can't put it into words' is born.

...

Well, my wife has never asked me, 'What do you like about me?', so I've never had to answer. Even if I were asked this question, an answer wouldn't immediately come to mind.

In other words, I haven't been able to put it into words.

I cannot explain why I love my wife or why I am with her. I am with her even though I cannot explain it in words. This is a mystery.

When I proposed, I only said, 'I love you, so let's get married.' I didn't say things like, 'I can imagine a wonderful future with you,' or 'I'm happy when I'm with you.'

Therefore, it can be said that language is unnecessary for love or affection. The neocortex can stay asleep.

Thinking about it that way, Kazumasa Oda's masterpiece 'Kotoba ni Dekinai' (Cannot Put Into Words) is a limbic system song.

He repeats 'cannot put into words' over and over, and in the end, he just sings 'la la la la la la,' so he really doesn't put it into words. That song is sung entirely by the limbic system, isn't it?

For one thing, suppose this neocortex functions properly and I can snap back an answer to 'What do you like about me?' For example,

or,

or,

Well, something like that.
How trivial. How stupid. How ridiculous.


I think that being able to put 'what you like about them' into words means that they are 'replaceable.'

Since it would mean someone who is a good cook, always smiling, and goes their own way by not listening to requests, they are replaceable, right? If I wanted to look for someone to take their place, it seems I could find plenty.

In other words, the moment it is put into words, the wife is downgraded to a replaceable existence.

It is probably important to properly put into words what you like about someone, but there is a deeper part of the brain, the part for emotions and instincts.

I think that 'I can't really put it into words, but I just love you' is the best approach in the realm of love and affection.

If I were asked for the reason why, 'Ito-san, why do you think that?', I truly wouldn't be able to put it into words.

This is the kind of thing that should be left to the more emotional limbic system, rather than the neocortex of a pedant.

So, listen up, all you lovers.

Don't overcomplicate things with sophistry in your neocortex,

love people with your limbic system.

[Related] Having said that, here is another article