Another perspective that slightly changes how you see your child | Part 1
When raising children,
there are times when you might think,
“Why can’t my child do this?”
Morning preparations don't go smoothly.
They can't get started on their homework.
They do the same thing no matter how many times you tell them.
They have frequent trouble with friends.
They can't express their feelings well.
They struggle with switching tasks.
In daily life,
when such situations continue,
it is natural to think,
“What can I do to help them be able to do it?”
As a parent,
you want to help them avoid any trouble.
You want to help them increase what they can do.
You want to help them so they won't struggle in the future.
It is precisely because you think this way
that you end up focusing on
“what they cannot do.”
Therefore,
you don't need to blame yourself by saying,
“I focused on what they couldn't do again.”
That just shows
how much you care about your child.
⸻
However,
at such times,
there is one more perspective
I would like you to have.
That is,
“What lies behind the things they cannot do?”
to try thinking about that.
⸻
The child's uniqueness can sometimes be hidden within “troublesome behavior”
For example,
a child who asks the same question over and over.
“I already told you that.”
“How many times do I have to tell you?”
You might find yourself thinking things like that.
But,
that child might actually have
a very strong desire to
“know more”
or “understand better.”
Of course,
if the repeated questions are causing problems in daily life, you need to think about how to handle it.
But,
“troublesome behavior” and “the desire to know” are not the same thing.
⸻
There are also children who,
once they start doing something they like, cannot stop.
“I told you it was time to finish, didn't I?”
“How long are you going to keep doing that?”
You might feel like saying things like that.
But,
that child might have
the ability to deeply immerse themselves in what they love.
Being absorbed.
Being able to concentrate.
Being able to cherish what they like.
Such strengths
can sometimes lie behind the struggle of “difficulty switching tasks.”
⸻
There are also children who act a little differently from the children around them.
They cannot act the same way in a group.
They don't participate in what everyone else is doing.
They value their own way of doing things.
When you see that,
you might think,
“Why can't they do it like everyone else?”
But,
that child might have
their own way of feeling and thinking.
They are not the same as everyone else.
Just because of that,
it doesn't mean they are “bad.”
⸻
“Fixing” is not the only way to look at a child
Of course,
this does not mean
“it's fine to leave their struggles as they are.”
If they are struggling,
change the environment.
Find creative ways to communicate.
Help them have a sense of what to expect.
Look for ways they can do it together.
Connect them to necessary support.
Those things are very important.
But,
when thinking about a child's struggles,
if you only have the perspective of
“How can I fix this?”
you might overlook
what that child already possesses.
Therefore,
at the same time as thinking,
“How can I help them be able to do it?”
I want you to try thinking about one more thing:
“What is this child good at?”
⸻
For example,
homework doesn't progress easily.
But they can read their favorite illustrated books for hours.
They are not good at talking with friends.
But they notice small changes immediately.
They are not good at tidying up.
But they remember exactly where their favorite things are.
They are not good at sitting still.
But they can act immediately on things they are interested in.
If you look at just one situation,
it might look like “something they cannot do.”
But,
if you broaden your perspective a little,
you might see
the child's “likes” and “strengths.”
And,
you might see their uniqueness.
⸻
A child
is not made up only of
“things they cannot do.”
They have things they are not good at.
They have things they struggle with.
They have things that don't go well.
At the same time,
they have things they like.
They have things they are good at.
They have things they can get absorbed in.
They have a way of feeling that is different from others.
They have their own pace.
They have their own wonderful qualities.
⸻
Therefore,
when you find “something they cannot do,”
I want you to also find
what is on the other side of that.
“What kind of wonderful strengths does this child have inside?”Just by having that question,
you might be able to see your child
from a slightly different angle than yesterday.
And,
when the way you see your child changes,
a parent's heart can also change a little.
Instead of “They couldn't do it again,”
the moments where you can think,
“This child has this kind of side to them,” will increase.
That is
a little different from changing the child,
and it might be a small step
toward making the parent-child relationship easier.
⸻So,
how can you actually
find your child's “wonderful qualities”?
In the second part,
we will think together about
“3 perspectives to find your child's strengths” that you can start today.
🌿