“I’m doing a good job” — Realizing the importance of looking at myself with the same eyes I use for my child, after a trip to the park for the first time in about a year

A story from a day off

“Daddy, I want to go to the park!”

Oh!

My daughter, who for a while was obsessed with indoor activities like watching videos and doing crafts, has rediscovered the joy of playing at the park since the start of this year.
Apparently, she has taken a liking to the athletic equipment at a large park near her nursery school.

Thinking, "Why not?" I put her on the back of my bicycle and headed out.

A park on a weekend morning.
It’s probably been nearly a year.

The thought crossed my mind for a second, "What kind of father of a young child am I?" but considering the recent extreme heat and the time around it, it’s no wonder we haven't been able to go for at least half a year (and even at nursery school, it's really only three seasons excluding summer...). On top of that, there was the unprecedented indoor boom.
Well, I suppose it makes sense that it’s been that long...

As soon as we arrived at the park, my daughter made a mad dash for the athletic equipment she had her eye on.

She’s fast. Wait, did I really need to run this fast to keep up with her?

Before I knew it, I was slightly out of breath and sweating.
My daughter had climbed to the top of the athletic structure before I knew it. I chased after her and we slid down the slide together. Since it has both height and length, it was fun for me as an adult to slide down too.

Watching my daughter, who was still absorbed in playing,

“Last year, she just played around the small equipment, and I was so bored watching her I almost fell asleep... She can do so much more now compared to last year... Wow, her growth speed is incredible...”

I was just deeply impressed.
And when things settled down, I told her how impressed I was, and she looked so proud and happy.

Here, a thought suddenly crossed my mind.

This is the very definition of "Don't compare yourself to others. If you're going to compare, compare yourself to who you were yesterday."... I wonder how many parents who witness their child's growth every day apply that same perspective they use for their child to themselves...
I was like that in the past too, but there are so many people who end up comparing themselves to others...
If we could turn that same gaze we use to celebrate our children's growth toward ourselves, I think more people would find their inner turmoil subsiding and find life easier to live...

Words that changed the behavior of someone like me, who had a habit of comparing myself to others.

The anger I would feel when pushed around by my child, which I would let out despite knowing it was wrong
The self-reflection session I would have afterward
The glittering parenting articles I would see on social media when I couldn't help but look, which would only add insult to injury

I'm a failure as a parent

These words purified those days when I was seriously thinking that.

Even in the midst of all that, there must be something I can do today that I couldn't do yesterday, last week, or last month.

Just as I look for how much my child has grown when I praise her, I want to make sure I don't forget to praise my own small growth every day...

"Papa! ✋"

I suddenly come to my senses.

My daughter is far away on top of the hill.

She'd probably be happy if I chased after her at full speed...

I didn't have this kind of sense of service in the past.

It's okay, my growth is still on an upward trend!