3 Reasons Why People Who Give Too Much Cannot Be Happy

Hello, this is Ken Honda.

"I want to do something for others."
"I want to be useful to someone."
That feeling is very beautiful.

However, there are times when people who give too much do not seem happy for some reason.

They are always working hard for someone else, yet they are tired.
They are devoted, yet they are not rewarded.

Why is that?

Today, I will share three reasons why people who give too much cannot be happy.

1. Because you have become empty

People who give too much tend to put themselves last.

They cut into their own time to listen to others' problems.
They use their own money to give gifts to others.
They suppress their own feelings to accommodate others.

While doing so, they become empty inside.

If you keep pouring water from a cup for someone else, the cup will eventually become empty.

You cannot pour anything more from an empty cup.

People who can truly give know that they must first fill themselves up.

Because they are happy and full of energy, they can share the overflow with others.

Filling yourself up is not selfish.

It is an important preparation for being able to give for a long time.

2. Because you are unconsciously expecting a "return"

"I am doing so much for you."
"Why don't you thank me?"
Don't you ever have feelings like that arise?

Among those who give too much, there are people who unconsciously expect a return.

Even if the person intends to give purely, somewhere in their heart they are thinking, "I want to be recognized" or "I want to be thanked."

However, giving while expecting a return is not "giving" in the true sense.

It is a "transaction."

When a transaction does not go well, people get hurt and feel angry.

If the words "I did so much for you" come out, that is a sign that it was a transaction.

True giving does not seek a return.

The act of giving itself is the joy, and it does not matter how the other person reacts.

3. Because you cannot say "No"

People who give too much cannot refuse when asked.

"They might hate me if I refuse."
"I cannot abandon someone in trouble."
Thinking this way, they accept every request.

However, people who can only say "Yes" are actually not helping the other person either.

Work accepted by pushing yourself will result in distortions somewhere.

If you are hanging out with someone even though you really don't want to, the relationship will become awkward.

People who cannot value themselves cannot value others either.

Being able to say "No" is a way to protect yourself and also to draw healthy boundaries with others.

You do not need to say "Yes" to everything.

Give what you truly want to give, when you want to give it, to the people you want to give it to.
That is the happy way to give.

Giving is a wonderful thing.

But it is meaningless if you give too much and lose yourself.

First, fill yourself up.
Let go of the expectation of a return.
Have the courage to say "No."

By doing so, giving becomes a true joy.

Please direct your kindness toward yourself first.

When you are able to value yourself, that kindness will reach those around you many times over.

Ken Honda