[Vol. 4] When you feel that "there is no point in trying," you have reached the second stage as a caregiver

Hello. This is Nishioka.

Last time, I talked about whether you might be hitting a wall where you think, "I feel like I'm trying my best, but is there any point to this?"

"Is there any point?" You can't help but think about that, can you? Caregiving life is not easy, nor is it simple. It's not something you can just keep going by telling yourself, "There is a point to doing this." You want
a purpose, meaning, effect, or result there.

So, what is that "meaning"? Let's think about it together.

1. What kind of "meaning" have you been working hard for until now?

Immediately after a family member becomes ill, you don't know what's what, so you follow the experts' opinions for the time being, right?

It might be something like this. So, this is the "meaning," isn't it? Isn't that what you have been working hard for all this time?

2. How do you feel now about the "meaning" you held until now?

It's been a while since you started supporting your family member; how do you feel looking back at the "meaning" you first found? For example, the "meaning" I just mentioned.

"Since the illness is hardest on the person themselves, the family needs to do their best to support them." => Since we live together, I fully understand that the illness is painful. There are many things they cannot do. If I support them in their daily life, I think that is my role as a family member.

"Don't make them do anything stressful; prioritize letting them spend their time comfortably."
=> In other words, I shouldn't make them try hard. That's why they took time off work, and the only thing they should be working hard at is going to the hospital and taking their medication.

"If they can return to their previous environment, we can say they have recovered. So, let's aim for them to return to work."
=> I want that to happen too. But what can I as a family member actually do? Maybe just try to motivate them.

Having actually tried these things, aren't you finding many things you can do, things that are not quite there yet, and things you don't know how to handle?

3. Don't you think, "But, is that really it?"

If you think, "That's exactly right, let's keep working hard as we have been," regarding these "meanings," you probably wouldn't be questioning whether your daily efforts have any "meaning."

Because a sense of discomfort like that is budding, you are likely wondering, "Is there any meaning?" to your daily efforts.

"But..." This is a sense of discomfort. I understand that what experts and people generally say is "correct." However, if you try to apply that directly to yourselves, it is no wonder you feel a sense of insufficiency, confinement, or detachment.

Feeling that way is not running away, being lazy, or making excuses. You have reached the stage where you
start thinking about the "meaning for yourselves".

4. A sense of discomfort is the seed of your own evaluation criteria

The 'meaning' in 'I feel like I'm trying, but is there any point to this?' becomes visible when you decide what is 'meaningful' or 'meaningless'
by measuring it against an evaluation scale.

Until now, these evaluation criteria were determined by others (professionals).
But when you actually tried it, you found that you couldn't always do things exactly as they said.

This is the wall you are currently hitting. And the answer to this wall is not found outside of yourself.
You can find the answer by using the discomfort you feel as a clue to
create your own evaluation criteria.

Would you like to learn where the breakthrough for this wall lies in our email newsletter course?

A breakthrough email newsletter for mental caregivers who feel they have reached their limit in 'supporting'
—A 7-day course to realize that this is not a dead end and to prepare yourself to look toward the 'future'—