Thoughts on my son's independence and departure
Yesterday, my son moved into an apartment to live with his girlfriend.
Looking at my son's now empty room,
I, a housewife in my 50s, feel a deep sense of loneliness.
In many families, children leave home when they go to university,
but my son started working after high school and continued living at home,
so we were able to live together for 25 years.
I am grateful for that alone, but having no one left to take care of
is truly lonely, isn't it?
Even though I say that,
it's not like he moved far away,
in fact, he just moved into the neighborhood.
But still, I deeply feel that it is lonely not having him in the house.
(That's the second time I've said 'deeply feel')
Once he leaves, I suppose we will never live together again.
So,
I woke up at 3 o'clock today with nothing to do, and for the first time in a while, I was able to sit down and write on note.
Actually, I was asked to give a lecture on SNS at an elementary school this week,
so I haven't had time to write on note.
Yes, as my free time increases like this,
I think my second life is surely about to begin! But at the same time,
what am I supposed to do with this loneliness...
While preparing things for my son to take with him before he left, words came out of my mouth naturally. They were...
'Thank you for taking care of me, (Son's name).'
Hearing that, my son replied, 'It's the other way around.'
But,
it is true that I took care of my son,
but I really feel that my son took care of me.
What kind of care did he provide, you ask?
Well, this makes me want to cry, but
He let me be a mother
That is the only thing.
He gave me the experience of being a mother
That is why I have nothing but gratitude for my son.
I truly feel glad that I became a mother.
I can confidently say that I am who I am today because I was allowed to be a mother.
I can say that with pride.
Raising a child involves repeated emotional ups and downs as they grow,
and while trying to manage my own turbulent emotions,
thinking this way and that,
what lies beyond overcoming it is a more mature version of myself,
and I was given many experiences that I never could have had
if I didn't have children.
When I told my son, 'Thank you for everything,' and he replied, 'It's the other way around,'
I realized the emotions welling up inside me and felt like telling him right then, but
Oh no, I'm going to cry!
I felt, so I stopped myself.
After all, I wanted to send him off with a smile, like a joke, right until the end.
For my son, who loves war movies and dramas,
I sent him off saying, 'Long live the Empire of Japan!'
(Though I didn't go as far as preparing a Japanese flag.)
I also told him, 'Please do your best for your country!'
(Meaning, please cooperate with the declining birthrate countermeasures, haha.)
From the driver's seat of the car loaded with his luggage, my son said,
'I'll make sure you end up in an unmarked grave,'
and we were able to send him off without forgetting to laugh until the very end.
That's how it should be in our family!
Well then, this coming 9th is finally the lecture at the elementary school.
The director of the community center who requested it pointed out twice that my PowerPoint materials were too extensive,
and although it's troubling that I still can't reduce the volume,
I intend to do my best to prepare until the very last minute the day before.
A dream I had when I was a child,
that was to become a school teacher.
(I gave up on becoming a school teacher and became a nursery school teacher instead.)
I had forgotten about my childhood dream for a long, long time, but
I guess they do come true.
While hoping I can share ways to make such dreams come true,
that's all for today.
My son's junior high school teacher said that the loneliness of a child leaving home
is something you get used to after three days,
but I wonder if that's really true?
Please, me, hurry up and get used to it.
My son, may you have a rich and free life with the one you love!
Be happy.
I am rooting for you now, and I will always continue to support you!
From Mom