Good Listeners Are Good Parents

For ten years, I worked in a job
that involved "listening."


Since it was a telephone consultation service,
I could not see the other person's facial expressions.

That is precisely why I had to listen intently to their voice.

It is a very delicate act.

Callers would secretly share things
with someone they didn't know,
someone whose face they couldn't see,
things they wanted to keep secret,
things they had carefully tucked away.

I think this also takes a great deal of courage.

That is why I always kept in mind
the feeling of "thank you for gathering the courage to call,"
whenever I picked up the receiver.

At first, you could tell through their voice
that everyone was nervous.

But I could tell when their tension
gradually began to ease.

I am sure that is because
they felt "listened to"
or
"accepted."
Isn't that what they were feeling?

"Listening" is very profound.

Whether in counseling or anything else,
"listening" is the absolute fundamental.

I was training new staff until last year,
and I had the newcomers

thoroughly practice "listening."


This is actually quite difficult.

You can tell if they were satisfied by being listened to
by the caller's demeanor when they hang up the phone.

Some people get angry and hang up in the middle.
(A common occurrence in free consultations, haha)

Actually, there is meaning
in their anger,
and if they would just stay on the line,
it could lead to a new realization.

But it is a free consultation,
so it is their choice,
and it can't be helped.

In my case, even when talking with friends,
people tell me, "You are a good listener."
(I don't mean to brag)

I don't really think about it much,
so when I ask them
what makes them feel I am good at it,
it seems
they feel "like they are being accepted."

So, how can you make
the other person feel "accepted"?

The answer is surprisingly simple:
listen without judgment,
saying, "I see."

I previously wrote an article about this in the context of parenting.

I keep talking about parenting,
but

I believe that if you are raising children,
your human relationships will naturally
become better as well.

After all, if you can
listen to your child,
you'll be able to listen to others, too.
(Or maybe it's not that simple, haha.)

Listening is a skill, you know.

When you hear the phrase 'listening skills,'
you might imagine something
very elaborate,

but when you put it into words,
it's not really like that.

There are many points to it, but
if I had to name just one,


it would be to take an interest in the other person.

When you become interested in someone,
you naturally find yourself saying,
'Oh, really? Is that so!'
and listening to what they have to say.

This is also my stance
when listening to my children.

Because they can feel that
you are interested in them,
the conversation flows.

With that in mind,
these days I'm thinking I'd like to resume
my work of 'listening'.

Speaking is self-awareness,
and writing is self-awareness.
I am a facilitator for a project where you write to know yourself.
(Currently, the third session is underway, so I am not accepting new applications.)