Chapter 2-5: The Bullied and the Bully

During my elementary and junior high school years, I was busy with studies,
sports, and extracurricular lessons, and even as a child,
I spent my time feeling stressed, dissatisfied, and
frustrated.

I think I was looking for somewhere
or someone to vent that stress onto.

Since elementary and junior high schools were public schools in the same area,
I participated in the insidious bullying typical of girls in class (collectively ignoring someone).

Once the target became boring,
it would change rapidly, and if I didn't participate,
I would become the one being bullied.

Conversely, I also had the experience of being completely ignored by girls
I thought were my best friends,
becoming a victim on the receiving end of thorough bullying.

I grew tired of the "playing friends" game typical of girls,
found superficial friendships troublesome,
and gradually stopped trusting people who were two-faced.
Even when I was being bullied, I would resign myself, thinking, "My turn has come..."
In a sense, the troublesome "friendship constraints" were gone,

I was free and not bound by anyone, and it wasn't as lonely or painful as I thought;
once I got used to it, I felt relieved.

Whether I was the bully or the bullied,
my mood never cleared up, and my relationships with classmates
with whom I couldn't share my true feelings were not very good.
In the end, during elementary and junior high school,
I never made a friend I could call a best friend whom I could trust from the bottom of my heart.

However, in basketball, which I started in the third grade of elementary school (age 8),
I was able to fully enjoy the fun of sports,
the joy of working toward a goal together as a group, and the sense of accomplishment,
which served as a good way to relieve stress.

Since I was a small child, my leg strength was my weapon,
so after entering junior high school, I would run up the sloped hill behind the local shrine,
training on my own in silence to build up my heart, lungs, and leg muscles.
I was also good at throwing balls and had arm strength,
so I practiced 3-point shots until I was sick of it with my friends before school classes started until I got good at them.
My secret efforts led to the team's victory,

and through the basketball club, I was able to cultivate not only my body
but also my mental strength, developing a "heart that doesn't lose to itself."
I was also very happy to have made close friends through the basketball club with whom I could connect.

Even so, the feeling that there was no one at home or at school
whom I could truly open up to remained.
Always, no matter where I was or who I was with,
I felt a sense of loneliness and emptiness as my ego was formed at that time.

My parents were strict but kind,
and I felt I had a place at home as long as I was a "good child" who could study and play sports,
and my great-grandmother and grandparents were always kind to me.
I had always hated glasses,
so when I entered junior high school, my mother bought me contact lenses immediately for basketball,

which was a very grateful support.

My family watched over the growth of us three sisters warmly,
so I am still very grateful for that.

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