That 'lack of motivation' was just a matter of the wrong fuel. My story of being fired from a convenience store.

You don't have to come in anymore.

When I was a student, I was told that while working part-time at a convenience store.

It wasn't that I disliked customer service. But honestly, I couldn't find any personal interest in that work.

I worked without any motivation, and I didn't feel like going to store meetings that weren't even paid—before I knew it, I was told I was no longer needed.

Why couldn't I keep up with that kind of work?

To be honest, it wasn't just the convenience store job that didn't last. Looking back now, I tried a few other part-time jobs in the food service industry, but none of them lasted long either.

On the other hand, it's not that I'm bad at communication itself. When it comes to interactions in areas where I excel, I don't find it difficult at all; in fact, I actually enjoy it.

So, rather than grouping it all under 'not suited for customer service,' I feel there was a reason elsewhere.

One reason is probably multitasking. Ringing up customers, stocking shelves, replenishing fried food, handling utility bill payments, and accepting deliveries. Convenience stores and restaurants are highly sophisticated jobs where you have to handle multiple tasks simultaneously.

I truly respect people who can handle that with a cool face. But when I'm given multiple things to do at once, my head immediately gets overwhelmed.

And there is another term that has recently resonated with me. It's 'exploratory type'.

Inputting knowledge systematically and executing it accurately according to a set framework—I'm just not good at that. Instead, I want to try things out on my own, adapting to the situation at hand.If there's no room for improvisation, my engine stops running immediately.

I think jobs that require repeating set procedures over and over were just too much for an exploratory person like me.

'Lack of motivation' and 'wrong fuel' were completely different things.

The direct cause of being fired was not going to the unpaid store meetings.

To be honest, at the time, I thought, 'Is there any point in going out on my day off when I'm not even getting paid?' I couldn't bring myself to do something I wasn't convinced about.

Looking back now, there might have been a more mature way to handle it. But I finally realized: maybe I wasn't a 'person without motivation' back then, I justhad the wrong kind of fuel.

Looking back at the past, there were things I was so absorbed in that I lost track of time.

When I was in elementary school, when my friends and I would come up with our own rules and create original games. When I was in college, planning a live event with my peers. I found myself immersed in them without anyone even asking me to.

What they had in common was that 'room for personal improvisation' and 'the feeling of reaching someone' always came as a set.

I think I'm an engine that only runs on gasoline. At the convenience store, the fuel being poured into it just happened not to match my engine. That was really all there was to it.

What kind of fuel ignites your fire?

Lately, I've stopped judging myself based on whether I have 'motivation' or not.

When you can't get a fire going, it's not your weak will that you should blame. It might just be that the fuel being poured in doesn't match your engine.

Being able to think that way has really taken the weight off my shoulders.

What's important isn't forcing a fire to start, but knowing what kind of fuel makes you burn.

Have you ever had a place where you just couldn't get fired up, and another where you found yourself burning without even trying? If you'd like, please tell me about it.

'When do I burn?'—I took quite a long detour before I could figure that out.

I pushed myself too hard trying to fit into someone else's idea of success, broke my mind and body once, and only then was I finally able to start searching for 'my own fuel'.

I've compiled that long, winding journey and the trial and error I went through to clear the fog in my head and finally feel that 'this is okay' into a book. I hope it quietly reaches those who, like my former self, blame themselves for 'lacking motivation'.

If you'd like, please take a look.