The Truth Behind the 'Vague Malaise' of Your 30s: Pressing the Accelerator and Brake at the Same Time
You've gotten used to your job.
Your salary has increased accordingly.
There aren't any major problems.
Yet, when you wake up in the morning, your body feels as heavy as lead.
The sensation of having a constant fog in your head won't go away.
It might be a state where the feeling of 'I need to work harder' and the honest truth of 'I don't want to do anything anymore' are playing tug-of-war in your mind.
If it's a struggle just to get out of bed right now,
it's okay not to force yourself to move.
Let's take a little time to untangle the knotted threads of your thoughts.
The 'I should be fortunate' mindset is the heaviest burden of all
When you enter your 30s, the roles expected of you by those around you change.
Leadership and mentoring junior staff.
Expectations to be an immediate asset.
People around you say things like, 'You're doing well' or 'You're stable.'
Objectively speaking, it might indeed be a fortunate environment.
But your body's sensations are honest.
Your stomach might be churning, you might have mysterious rashes,
or you might find yourself sleeping like the dead even on your days off.
'I have it so good, so feeling this way is just me being spoiled.'
Aren't you blaming yourself like that?
Actually, that way of thinking is the most dangerous thing.
The gap between society's 'correct answer' and your own 'true feelings' has reached its limit.
Even if your head thinks, 'I can still keep running,'
your body is screaming, 'I want to get off this race already.'
This disconnect is what creates that unidentifiable sense of fatigue.
The more you are someone who has gritted your teeth and endured unreasonable environments, like in school clubs or when you were a new graduate,
the slower you are to notice this 'invisible limit.'
Your body is stuck in a 'fight or flight' state
Your current state is not just laziness or being spoiled.
It is a state where your autonomic nervous system is 'pressing the accelerator and the brake at the same time.'
In your mind, you are flooring the accelerator, thinking, 'I need to improve my skills for the future' and 'I have to meet expectations.'
Meanwhile, deep within your body,
you are slamming on the brakes, thinking,
'What if I fail?'
'I don't want to get hurt anymore,'
'I'm afraid of taking responsibility.'
Imagine it with a car.
What happens if you press the accelerator and the brake at the same time?
The car doesn't move an inch, but the engine overheats until it burns out.
Your current overwhelming fatigue is this friction heat.
The reason you are tired even though you haven't done anything is because
a tremendous collision of energy is happening inside you.
The reason you cannot move is because your body is trying to protect you by
triggering a 'freeze' response.
Therefore, there is no need to blame yourself.
Rather, it is proof that your normal defense instincts are working
to protect you from a dangerous environment.
Stop 'adding' and start 'subtracting' to protect yourself
At times like this, serious people tend to try and find 'solutions'.
They might start studying for a new certification or
try to motivate themselves by watching high-consciousness videos.
However, taking on new burdens in your current state is counterproductive.
When your energy is depleted, what you need is
not 'addition' but 'subtraction'.
Let's declutter your information.
Turn off smartphone notifications.
Decline meaningless drinking parties.
Skip routines you feel you 'have to do'.
I recommend a night walk.
Talk to no one, don't look at your phone, just walk in the darkness.
It is a time to minimize external stimuli and listen only to your inner voice.
'I didn't like the way that colleague said that.'
'I actually wanted to turn down that job.'
The murky emotions and anger that well up,
don't deny them, but acknowledge them by saying, 'So that's how you felt.'
Just doing that will gradually clear the fog in your brain.
You don't need to grow.
You don't need to be useful to anyone.
Right now, just the fact that you survived today
is an amazing thing in itself.
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