"If I could go back to those days"—The meaning of painful times that Re:Zero taught me.

The fourth season of "Re:Zero - Starting Life in Another World" has started this season, and I look forward to watching it every week.

The protagonist, Subaru, dies, returns, and dies again.
Watching that loop, I suddenly thought.

I wish I could redo my life from somewhere.

I sometimes think I want to go back to my college days.

I have things I want to tell my younger self from back then.
"Read more books"
"Life naturally gets harder as you get older, so prepare yourself now."
to.

And also—since people you're meant to lose will drift away, choose the people you spend time with more carefully, too.

But then, a question arose.

Could I have actually done that back then?

Probably not.

I only realized that "reading expands life's options" because I am the person I am now, having continued to read.
I only learned that people drift away because I am the person I am now, having experienced it several times.

The wisdom needed to redo things can only be born from the life lived before the redo.

Subaru from Re:Zero isn't strong because he can "Return by Death."

It's because every time he dies, he can bring back his memories.

He returns to the same time while carrying all that pain, all that regret, and all the realizations of "I'll do this next time."
That's why his next choices change.
Without those memories, it would just be a repetition.

When we think, "I want to go back to those days," I think we actually want to go back while keeping our "current mind."
But that "current mind" was formed precisely because we lived through the time we want to return to.

The painful days have become wisdom.

I think people who have lived while carrying a sense of difficulty in life are especially prone to thinking, "If only I could go back to that time."

Situations you couldn't handle well, words you couldn't say, paths you didn't choose.
There are as many "times I want to redo" as there are regrets.

But the reason you can count those regrets is because you, the current you, have survived.

Just as Subaru is able to move forward little by little each time he repeats his Return by Death.
Being able to realize, "I should have done this back then," is proof that you have walked through all the time that followed.

I don't want to say lightly that nothing was in vain.
What was painful was painful.

However, I think the reason I've grown enough to want to "start over" now is because I've walked through all of that time I wish I could redo, carrying it with me.

Is there a time in your life when you think, "I want to go back to those days"?

If you'd like, please tell me about it.