I want to rest, but I'm afraid to. The curse of productivity
Do you ever look at the clock on a weekend evening and suddenly feel your heart racing?
What did I even do all day?
I haven't accomplished anything.
I haven't produced anything.
Did I just waste my time?
The time I spent just staring at my phone in bed starts to feel like something terribly wrong.
I could have read more books.
I could have honed my skills.
I could have planted seeds for the future.
I understand that feeling of blaming yourself all too well.
Even though your head knows that 'resting is important,' your heart won't allow it.
It's like an inexplicable fear that you'll die if you don't keep swimming like a tuna.
Today, let's unravel the true nature of that 'anxiety' together.
Do I have no value if I do nothing?
Why do we feel so guilty just for resting?
It is because deep down in our hearts, the belief that 'I have no value if I am not useful' is stuck there.
I feel like I don't belong here if I'm not being useful to someone.
I feel like I won't be loved if I don't produce results.
I feel like I'll be left behind if I don't constantly update myself.
That 'fear of survival' pushes aside the foot that wants to hit the brake and forces you to step on the accelerator.
But, think about it.
Is a newborn baby loved because they produce results?
They are a precious life just by existing.
Just because you've become an adult doesn't mean that premise has changed.
Time spent doing nothing and just zoning out.
Time that has nothing to do with words like productivity.
It is in those moments that the true radiance of life resides.
You don't have to be desperate to prove your worth; it's okay.
Your body is performing a 'forced shutdown' on its own
'I want to move but I can't'
'I can't find the motivation'
When you feel this way, it doesn't mean you are being lazy.
It is a state where your body has made a wise decision and tripped the circuit breaker.
If I move any more, I will break.
So, it forces a shutdown.
It is a defensive reaction trying to protect your life.
You aren't unable to move because your will is weak; your body is ordering you to 'not move right now.'
Even if your head thinks 'I can work harder' or 'I can still do more,' your body is honest.
The sensation of thirst.
The sensation of your heart shrinking.
The sensation of your internal organs becoming as heavy as lead.
If you ignore the SOS signals from your body and try to force yourself to move using logic, there will inevitably be a backlash someday.
Right now, you don't have to force the tripped breaker back on.
You need time to sit still in the darkness.
Once your energy builds up, your body will naturally start moving again.
Until then, it's okay to sleep like the dead or stare at the stains on the ceiling. Following the voice of your body is your top priority right now.
Without space, the heart suffocates
Do you feel relieved when you look at a planner packed with appointments?
Do you think that completing tasks without any gaps is what fulfillment is?
But a life without space is like a steering wheel with no play.
A small impact can cause an accident.
If a fish tank is too full, new water cannot enter.
In the same way, if there is no blank space in your heart, new insights and ideas cannot enter.
Days spent just stuffing in information and completing tasks will suffocate your heart.
Time spent resting is never a "waste" or a "loss."
It is time to filter the murky water and return it to clarity.
It is precisely in the time when you do nothing that your thoughts are organized unconsciously, and what is truly important becomes visible.
Space is not an empty void, but fertile soil where the next possibilities can grow.
You don't need to rush.
It's okay to stop.
For now, just allow yourself to do nothing.
Take a deep breath and create space in your heart to inhale the air.
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