Why does life become so bland as we grow older?

When I was a child, I thought that once I became an adult, a freer and more fun life would be waiting for me.
But now that I am an adult, every day feels somewhat monotonous, and I feel as if my life is becoming a little more bland with each passing year.

I am sure there are many others who feel the same way.

Why exactly does life fade in color as we grow older?
So, I will try to organize my thoughts into writing about the changes that are quietly taking place within my heart.

The numbing heart and the passing time

Until a while ago, there were days when I was so exhausted from being chased by work that I couldn't even get out of bed on my days off.
When the fatigue is severe, I don't even have the energy to meet anyone.
Even with old friends from my hometown, as our values change and our conversations gradually drift apart, the frequency of meeting them decreases year by year.

That is why it becomes incredibly troublesome to go out of my way to contact them and meet up.
The loneliness of seeing relationships that should have been filled with laughter during our student days grow thin and eventually fade away.

Before I knew it, even when something unpleasant or sad happened, I felt as if my heart had naturally adapted by trying not to feel, trying not to feel.

If you just let the days pass by without being conscious of anything, time flies by in an instant.
The terror of no longer feeling anything, even though I should actually be feeling that I dislike it.
A gray world that keeps losing its color without my heart being moved.

Why do we end up suppressing our true feelings?

The heavy armor and the trap of protecting oneself

If you live normally without being conscious of it, as you get older, you tend to leave yourself to the flow of society or your company and get swept up in the pace of those around you.

Even if you resist in your heart and do not want to conform, humans are creatures that are influenced by their environment to a great extent.
Therefore, it may be unavoidable that we end up being dyed in the colors of those around us without even realizing it.

And as we gain more experience, we end up thinking too deeply about various things.
Because we don't want to fail, be laughed at by others, or get hurt, we end up looking only for safe escape routes.
While enduring the current painful situation, I become desperate to protect myself.
Then, I think I end up choosing to cling to places without change rather than challenging myself with new things.

I believe that this fear of failure and retreating into self-protection is actually a major cause of robbing life of its flavor.

Taking back the time and pace we surrendered

Now I understand that life becomes bland because I have suppressed my emotions to match the pace of those around me.

Because I have been turning a blind eye to my true feelings for such a long time, I need time to stop for a moment, write down my feelings in a notebook, or talk about what is in my heart.
By slowly regaining my original, comfortable pace, I can finally start to hear the voice of my heart little by little.

Things I wanted to do when I was young, or things I really wanted to try more.
They are surely waiting for their turn in a dark, cold place deep in my heart.

Perhaps the time that was stolen from me was just something I surrendered to match the pace of those around me.
Therefore, to bring color back to the gray world, I will start using my limited time for myself little by little from now on.

May the hearts of those who are struggling in the same way also feel a little lighter.

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