[Introvert/HSP] "Why am I the only one who feels cold?" That calmness was actually an "eye for seeing things accurately"

*This article was revised and updated on July 2, 2026.

Everyone is wrapped up in the same excitement. Within that circle, I am the only one who feels a sudden detachment.

Back then, I always thought of this feeling as a "defect." I couldn't get excited. I couldn't join in the sense of unity. I couldn't laugh naturally in the moment.

But there was a reason I couldn't join in. A reason that couldn't be explained by words like "I'm bad at group activities."

And when I realized that reason, I felt like I could finally forgive myself for being so cold.

The moment I get caught up in the heat, I feel like I'm being overwritten by someone else

What I was most guarded against back then wasn't crowds or the atmosphere of a drinking party. It was that split second when I got caught up in the heat of a group.

Raising my voice to match everyone else's energy. Before I knew it, my own pace had been completely painted over by the group's pace. The feeling of being moved by something that wasn't me.

It wasn't that I couldn't join in; it was that my heart would quietly pull down the shutters before I even tried.

I couldn't fully trust the heat of the moment itself. Why couldn't I trust it? Back then, I didn't have the words for it yet.

The day I was told the "regular lineup was being wiped clean"

The reason lay further back.

I was in the table tennis club during my school days. It was a sport I'd played since elementary school, started because a close friend invited me. I didn't dislike table tennis itself.

But I had felt a sense of discomfort about acting as a team from the very beginning. I had barely spoken to the coach. I had no memory of them ever looking after me.

As the final tournament of middle school approached, the coach said, "The regular lineup is being wiped clean."

Maybe this is my chance. Thinking that, I practiced. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was reckless, but I chased the ball with all my might in my own way.

In practice matches, I beat the regulars twice. Having done that much, I honestly had a little bit of hope back then.

But the ones who played in the tournament were the original members.

It was as if my wins and all that practice meant nothing at all. There was no explanation given. There was just the result, right in front of me.

Even if you work hard and are honest, it doesn't pay off. At that moment, I felt like I heard something quietly closing.

Ever since that day, I think my heart has instinctively braced itself whenever I hear "passionate words" spoken within a group.

"Let's do our best together," "Let's trust the team." Every time those words reach my ears, I take a step back, thinking it might be the same thing all over again.

I wasn't being cold; I was just seeing things accurately.

For a long time, I hated that part of myself. While everyone else was getting excited, I was the only one feeling cold.

But now, my perspective has changed a little.

The eyes that cannot swallow passionate words whole were cultivated by the experience of having the rug pulled out from under me that day. Wanting to "protect my own pace" wasn't a flaw, either. My bracing against being swallowed by the group was likely a desperate wish not to lose myself.

That time I stood back and watched alone—I wasn't being cold; I might have been the one seeing the situation most quietly and accurately.

Eyes that aren't caught up in the heat can see the whole picture precisely because they are outside the circle.

When everyone else is obsessed, you can quietly observe the remaining time and the overall situation from a slightly detached place. When the circle starts to head in a strange direction, the person who can gently reach for the brakes is probably the one who felt cold. You don't have to force yourself to be useful. But I think that calmness is definitely helping someone.

I still envy people who don't find it painful to go along with others. But I think it's time to take that calmness off the list of my flaws.

Have you had any moments recently where you couldn't quite get on board with the enthusiasm around you? What you saw quietly at that time might have actually been the most accurate view. Even a tiny moment is fine. I would be happy if you could share such a story with me.

Recommended reading

"Am I a cold person for feeling detached?"—For those who suddenly feel anxious after realizing this. This is a piece that might help you realize that your interest hasn't disappeared, you just didn't have any emotional margin.

It's exhausting to be in a herd in the first place. That feeling might not be a weakness, but a "courage" to choose deeper connections. For those who find themselves drifting away from their circle of friends.

And I, who have carried this feeling of "not being able to get on board with the heat" for so long, have compiled this struggle into a book. One month after publication, I have also posted the voices of those who have read it here.

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