[Depression] You will feel better once you stop being a 'good person'

For the longest time, I couldn't stop being a 'good person'.

That was because I chose to be the version of myself that my parents would love.
I discarded the version of myself that wouldn't be loved, and tried to live only as the version that would be.

Since that was the communication style I learned with my parents, it was inevitable that I wouldn't know any other way.

Full of wariness and unable to open my heart to anyone, I ultimately couldn't become intimate with anyone.
Some people even pointed it out to me, saying, 'I don't like you because you won't open up to me,'
or 'I don't like you because you don't speak your mind clearly.'

To those around me, I must have seemed suspicious and uninteresting because I wouldn't tell the truth.
The things I did to be liked, in the end, did not make me liked.
When I was playing the 'good person,' it never paid off.

Back then, it must have been painful to live while hiding my true self, but at the time, it was just normal to me.
Even though I was under a tremendous burden because I was suppressing my true self, I wasn't even aware of it.

A 'good person' is not kind to themselves.
People have both white and black sides, and it is the combination of both that makes a whole.
Yet, a 'good person' tries to live only with their white side and refuses to admit that a black side even exists.

I started to feel at ease once I became able to acknowledge my own black side.
I was stunned when I realized that I possessed the very same bad traits in my parents that I had so despised.

My parents had power-harassing and moral-harassing temperaments, so I had been troubled by them since I was a child.
Even after I became an adult and entered society, I often suffered from harassment and had a hard time.

At that time, I believed that I had a pure, white, angel-like heart,
but in reality, I was simply cutting off my own dark parts and projecting them onto others.

Mean people are a part of me.

People might think, 'Wow, you're really going that far,' but you cannot be a counselor or therapist if you don't understand yourself.

I had intended to have absolutely no dark side, but when I realized the fact that I had been engaging in moral harassment, I almost started laughing.

My high school days were the worst.
I remembered that my classmates disliked me because I was 'harsh in what I said' and 'sarcastic,'
and that I had also been mean to my teachers.

When I reflected deeply, I realized I was not a 'good person' at all. Someone like me is in no position to speak ill of others.

When I realized that, I felt as light as if I had been liberated from something.
That means there had been a prison binding me.
I must have been bound by the fear that I wouldn't be loved unless I was a 'good person.'


Living a life where you only live in the white and exclude the black is what is called a neurotic worldview, and it doesn't lead to much happiness.

This is because you end up troubled by the shadow of yourself that you have cut off, and you end up fixing yourself in the position of a victim, thinking that you are a good person while everyone around you is a terrible person.

Acknowledging your own dark side makes it easier to live. Because you can release the energy you were using to suppress your true self, you will feel much more at ease and become more energetic.

Once I changed, the people who came into my life and the people I associated with also changed.

Happiness comes when you accept all of who you are.

So, you don't have to be a 'good person.'
You will be loved even if you aren't a 'good person'.