[Consultation] I was told my story was 'mediocre' in a public submission

Twitter log & postscript.

■ What is an efficient learning method?

Oh my! Thank you for your kind words!
Congratulations on passing the first round!!

First, please praise yourself for completing the entry, actually applying, and passing the first round, and celebrate it! It is an amazing thing...!
Since only the negative points tend to weigh heavily, do not just take the 'this part was good' for granted and skip it; accept it with the same feeling and rejoice, saying 'Great! I did it!'

This is... this is...I think the most directly efficient way to learn is to have a novel school teacher, an editor, or a professional in the field read your manuscript and listen to their opinions and have a Q&A session.

Other paths are detours or not efficient. If the judge's true intention or way of feeling is in a specific direction, and you don't know it now, you have to consider all possible directions...

I will also post the Poplar Publishing article, but hmm... originality... they are saying that, aren't they...

■ Analyzed and thought about it (subjective)

The method closest to the correct answer is to have a professional read it.
From here on, it is a detour. It is more from the perspective of a single reader than an editor.
I will write with 'entertainment' and 'light novels' in mind.

◎ The 'bones' are probably fine as a template

If I were to consider it from my perspective as someone who has only dabbled in it without responsibility,“At what layer is the story considered mediocre?”I think.

For example, if it is the bone part of the plot, I think everyone is the same.
In TL, it is 'a mistreated protagonist is loved and gets revenge'; in light novels, it is '(reincarnated) protagonist becomes strong with cheats, defeats enemies, and is popular with everyone.'

If youabstractit to this point, everything that sells is the same! It is mediocre! That is what it becomes.
Rather, many publishers are looking for this, and for example, if you try to show 'originality' and deviate from this template, such as 'the protagonist who got carried away is finally kicked out and beaten up and it ends,' that would certainly be no good.I think these bones are fine being 'mediocre'!Hollywood movies have templates too, right?

Reference

◎ The selfish request of 'similar but a little different'

Then, if we get a little more concrete... hmm... it is a guess, but while looking at thousands and hundreds of submitted works, pattern learning accumulates, and I think they got the impression that“everything that happens and the characters' reactions are all as expected” or “I have seen this before.”

However,the demands of many readers and publishers are quite unreasonable.It is like if you serve curry doria because they say 'I love curry! I only eat curry flavor!', they will say, 'I have eaten this before! It is curry flavor, but give me something novel I have never eaten before!'
Then, if you serve miso soup with curry powder in it, they will say, 'It is certainly novel, but this is not curry, so we cannot serve it at our shop. Go to a miso soup shop.' That is the image. *This is an amateur's subjective view.

They want the same thing and something novel. If it is too novel, it gets rejected.
They are always demanding“something similar but a little different,”and the question is what that 'little different' is, right?

I think it is probably okay, but so as not to get lost in that 'originality,' you must not deviate from the broad framework of:
1. Is it interesting for the reader?
2. Is it the style required by that magazine?

◎ Where to show personality

There are several ways to think about the layers where you can show personality.
You don't have to aim for 'everything is novel'! (Rather, it is better not to aim for that)

・Settings and stage

If you can come up with a novel setting or stage, you've already 'won'.
Like the famous 'SAO,' doing a 'VR game story' back when that wasn't the norm. Or doing a death game like 'Battle Royale.' (I don't know the official origin, though.)
If you can create something epoch-making enough to become its own genre, you win!
But that's quite difficult. Also, depending on the label, they might say 'we only want isekai stories,' so you should be careful about that too.

Entertainment Novel Course also introduces this, but since it's hard to create something from scratch, I think it's better to focus on clever combinations.

I think doing a straightforward, classic story in a 'novel genre' is actually a good thing.
For example, if it's super interesting, it might be seen as a 'classic,' but if it's not quite there, it might leave the impression of being 'mediocre'.

>My setting was praised
Excellent!

I don't know what kind of story it is, but when it comes to how to utilize a setting, I'm reminded of (though not novels) 'BEASTARS' and 'Odd Taxi'.
Both fully utilize the setting of 'characters are animals,' and if you removed that, the story wouldn't hold up.
If you weave a novel setting into the story in a good way, maybe the story itself will also seem novel...???

・Episodes (events)

An abstracted skeleton plot can be a classic, but the flow of small episodes that happen within it should avoid things that you've 'seen 100 times in public submissions,' and you want to include at least one element that is 'something I've never seen' or 'that was unexpected'.I want to include at least one element that is 'something I've never seen' or 'that was unexpected' right?
As for what that is... past winning works might be a good reference. It's a pretty difficult topic.

For example, in light novels, I think the number of school-themed submissions increased after 'The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.' At that time, if you included an 'episode where a pushy heroine creates a weird club' or an 'episode where they perform a live concert at the school festival,' you'd likely be told, 'I've seen that 100 times!'

However,it's also difficult to show individuality through episodes isn't it...
For example, if it's a detective story, episodes like 'incident occurs -> deduction or action -> culprit arrested' are required, and while this can't be called unique, I think it's necessary.

It overlaps with the previous topic, but it seems easier to 'make the combination of elements interesting' than to 'create something entirely new'.

・Individual scenes (dialogue and actions)

'Making individual scenes interesting' is easier than the above!
Even if the plot is mediocre, if you can make the reader think, 'But that was interesting' or 'I want to read more,' you win!
I don't know if it will pass a public submission, but I think it will gain popularity with online readers.

The 'interest of a plot' can only be understood after reading the whole story or an entire chapter.
The interest of a scene is the interest of a few lines to a few pages.

Like 'I laughed at the banter between characters,' 'I was on the edge of my seat during the action scene,' 'The horror description made my spine freeze,' or 'So-and-so was just really cool.'
Or things like 'the dialogue was good' or 'that was an opinion only this character would say.'
I feel like in the famous 'Monogatari' series, there were scenes where they spent several pages just on banter.

I don't know if it's unique, but if you earn emotional points one by one in each scene, I think the feeling of 'that was interesting' might outweigh the 'mediocre' feeling...
This is just my own personal speculation, so I don't know the reality unless I look through the eyes of a judge.

Regarding the interest of scenes, the following books are recommended.

・Characters

'Making the protagonist an interesting person' is also easy to do!
If the character is interesting, the 'individual scenes' mentioned above will inevitably become interesting as well.

If the personality is strong, it's actually okay to make the setting a cliché template, and you can create a structure where the strong-personality protagonist destroys it...

The ones that immediately come to mind with strong personalities, including manga, are 'Saga of Tanya the Evil,' 'Hamefura,' 'Ride-On King,' and 'Isekai Hiroyuki'.
Using real people is a bit of a cheat, but if it's this over-the-top, it creates buzz.
If you were to imitate it (though there are already many), it would be something like 'Himiko is reincarnated' or 'Edison is reincarnated'!
Or, just using them as a 'motif' to the extent that you won't get sued, like making a protagonist based on Hikakin, Takuya Kimura, or Osamu Dazai.

...Wait, those already exist!!

Setting aside real people, usually you'll be creating characters from scratch. If you have a strong personality, you win!
This, too... I think it's best to study famous works.
If the character is so well-defined that even the reader can reproduce them, saying 'Holmes would do this,' 'The Rose Cross Detective would do this,' or 'Professor Yukawa would do this,' then you're good!

(If the narrator is mediocre, I recommend making the protagonist who pairs with the narrator incredibly strong-willed.)

■ What are originality and individuality?

How can I bring out originality?
I... I don't know!! It's too much of a case-by-case situation.

By definition, it's not about being 'buried' but about being "outstanding", right?
Per judge... how many are there? They read dozens of submissions at once, so I think you should first aim for a state where "there is at least one memorable element".
For now, I want to include something that isn't easily forgotten and makes them think, 'That element was novel!'

As for studying 'good examples,' I think reading the winning entries of that public submission is the best way!
'What is novel' and 'what is mediocre' are two sides of the same coin. Next, I think it's also helpful to read amateur writing in the same field online and write down 'what was interesting,' 'what was boring,' and 'how to improve it to make it interesting!'
Because every work has its strengths and weaknesses.

'A story only I can tell'... what on earth is that!! I felt like getting angry along with you.
Yeah... it seems like something often said in public submissions...

It's difficult at the story level, but I can think of 'individuality at the descriptive level.'
It's 'fetish.'
In erotic works, 'fetish works written by a fetishist are amazing'...! They might write about an act that an uninterested author would finish in a few lines with agonizing, obsessive detail.
They love it, know it in detail, have strong opinions on it, and love watching it, which is why they can write it like that.
*Since fetishes are a set with niches, it doesn't seem like it would be a reference for public submissions...

For example, if you write a 'tsundere heroine,' it's naturally more charming when written by someone who loves tsundere than by someone who actually dislikes them.
Even in a fighter jet action scene, the one 'written by someone who loves it and wanted to write it' will naturally be more realistic and interesting than one 'written by someone who isn't interested and did it because they had to.'

Medical stories written by former doctors, military stories written by military geeks... that kind of "high resolution" was the first thing that came to mind when I heard 'only I can do it.'

Don't have special professional experience or knowledge as deep as a 'geek'? Don't worry! You can also use things picked up from real-life experiences.

If you remember the anxiety of being lost, you can write a lost-child scene realistically, and you could expand on the 'experience of being excluded from a group by friends' to use in an 'episode of being expelled from a guild.'
You can create a character modeled after an interesting person you know, or create an episode based on a strange incident that happened at your workplace.

'Episodes thought up by geeks only in their heads' might end up similar, but 'things based on real experiences' have fine-grained reality and might have less similarity to others.

Even in manga, the demand to 'write a story only you can tell' is probably the same!
What I remembered was the secret story behind the birth of Yowamushi Pedal.

'The enthusiasm is extraordinary' -> 'You should write it!' This is important!
I feel that many professional authors and manga artists who write sports stories have experience in them.
Even if you don't have it in the past, 'experiencing it in order to write it' is definitely a thing.

I don't think there's really such a thing as a 'story only I can write.' But since that's what's being asked for, I thought I could answer by 'increasing the resolution,' 'reducing similarity to others,' and 'writing about a theme you can have overwhelming passion for.'
That's just my definition and interpretation!

Individuality is not something you aim for, but something that seeps out as a result.
I don't think authors like Otsuichi, Nisio Isin, or Natsuhiko Kyogoku are aiming for it... If you could do it on purpose, that would be amazing.
If you aren't already being called 'super unique,' I don't think you need to start 'training to become an individualist' now.

This is my opinion as someone who loves entertainment, including manga and movies (influenced by Bakuman), but I ultimately believe "it's fine as long as it's interesting."
If it's interesting, that becomes your individuality. People will find your individuality on their own.

As mentioned above, even with a common setting or a common story flow, if it's super interesting, it's called "classic," and if it's not quite there, it's called "mediocre."
Rather than forcing yourself to be 'unique,' I think it's fine to just 'add a little bit of surprise,' 'have one outstanding element,' 'reduce similarities,' and otherwise just "make it interesting no matter what."

The movie Dungeons & Dragons was praised as 'this is the kind of thing I want.'
At the time of release, I saw comments like, 'This is what a Friday Road Show movie feels like. It's not weirdly twisted, it's interesting for everyone to watch, and this is the kind of straightforward fun I was looking for!'

Of course, there are many clever touches like 'starting in prison' or 'sexy paladin,' but I don't think of them as 'curveballs' or 'super unique.'
It's explosively interesting, and this is definitely not a 'mediocre' but a 'classic' piece of entertainment.

So, only the person who read the work knows what the judges felt.
In my amateur opinion, I believe that 'pursuing interest' is more appealing to readers than 'pursuing individuality.' This is strictly from a reader's perspective.

'Whether or not you pass a public submission' is something you can only know by asking the preliminary readers or editors!!
If you find out anything in the future, I'd be happy if you could let me know!

...Ah! There's an article that's just perfect!
Leave it to the experts, as they say.

So, there are multiple layers and elements, and there are multiple paths to 'where to bring out originality.'
I think straightforward training is Q&A by showing it to an expert, and effective study is 'reading 10 winning works, summarizing the plots, and writing down what was novel.'

First of all, please praise yourself!
I'm rooting for you so you can write happily~~~~~!!!!

■ Postscript: It is okay to hold off on making a judgment for now

Up until now, I have been operating under the premise that the judge's feedback is correct.
However, there is a non-zero possibility that the feedback was not entirely accurate.

I intend to write about this in a future article on narrative prose, but it is dangerous to either "believe feedback completely" or "reject it completely."
If you can agree with it, accept only the clearly identifiable points for improvement. For points you do not understand or cannot agree with, I recommend that you hold off on making a judgment for now.

This is because, unlike mathematics, there is no single "correct answer."
There are multiple causes and multiple solutions, and the judge's verbalization is just one path. The impression that "it doesn't feel like it stands out" came first, and that person then pinpointed "the story" as the cause.
Admittedly, they are more accurate than the average amateur, and
since their thinking aligns with the selection criteria for "the correct answer in public submissions," you can basically trust them.

What is the absolute correct answer in commercial publishing? Being interesting. I believe that is it.
As an approach to "being interesting," responding to the feedback that "the story is mediocre" by "improving the story" is the straightforward path. (Of course, I think this is usually fine to do.)

However, there might be another solution. The possibility is not zero.
For example, a work that "uses almost the same plot but is rewritten with an incredibly interesting protagonist" might pass the second round.
This is a different route from "fixing the story," but if the result is a judgment of "Interesting! Passed the second round!", that can also be a correct route.
Regardless of the process or means, only the result determines the correct answer.

This is something I learned from a message I received (with no reply required) regarding my paid feedback advice article, which said, "(When asking an amateur for advice) show the same thing to multiple people. If you show it to two people, the points they point out will differ. Points that both people point out should probably be fixed objectively." (Thank you very much!)

One person's opinion is absolutely subjective. By listening to the opinions of two or three people, you can gain objectivity.
In that sense, I strongly recommend incorporating different perspectives.

Whether it's showing the same manuscript to a different editor or writing and submitting a different work, I'm curious to see if the same feedback is given or if it's different...!

Since I think there are many different people and many different factors, I have considered various possibilities.

■ Postscript: I received some backup

Wow~~~~!! I received a comment from a professional commercial author!
I will quote a part of it, but please read the whole thing!

I, I see...! I can feel the weight of words from someone with a track record...!

They are being modest, but I think they are likely someone who "can write the royal road that meets the demands of the masses required in commercial publishing."
Originality means being sharp, so the number of people it resonates with tends to be small. When you think about "selling to the masses," it probably becomes a well-rounded royal road.

Thank you for the backup!

In the end, things like this are a matter of hindsight, or rather, "if it's interesting and you debut, that becomes the correct path in the end," right...?
There are various routes now, so I pray that you can find a goal and route that suits you!

■ Narrative prose survey

By the way, I am currently writing a paid (low-cost) "Narrative Prose Course," so please let me know if you have any "troubles when writing narrative prose," "things you want to know or have me talk about," or "techniques"!

■ I received a reply

Thank you for your lovely reply!
It was just a case of an outsider who hasn't read your work 'trying to think about it from all angles,' but I am very happy if it provided you with any hints!

To be at a level where you receive feedback from multiple awards is amazing! Please have confidence and enjoy your writing! I am rooting for you!!