The First Step for a Married Couple

Good evening, this is Karashinchi's wife.
Thank you for reading this blog.

I live with my husband of eight years and our two daughters who attend nursery school.
As a dual-income couple,
our shared philosophy is that
"housework and childcare should be done by both of us in cooperation."

Since we are the type to frankly discuss opinions like
"Don't you think it would be better to do it this way?"
or "I want you to do this like this,"
we have been able to feel that our teamwork has improved
through years of trial and error.
On the other hand, by sharing our opinions,

conflicts sometimes arise.
One of the causes is "differences in values."
This is from before our daughters were born, but

shortly after my husband and I started living together,
there was a period where we frequently fought over trivial things.
(The content was all so silly that I can't even remember it...)
Since we were both people who had lived alone with our own rules,

it is only natural that our opinions would clash
when we suddenly started living together.
At first, it was just at the level of a light lovers' quarrel,

but there was a phrase that acted as a trigger to heat things up.

"But my way of doing things is normal, right?"
The person being told this would say, "No, this way is more normal!"and start searching on their smartphone for information
to assert their own "normal."

I want to tell our past selves at that time,
What is "normal"?What is normal for you is not normal for me, and vice versa.

After fighting in the same pattern several times and realizing that,
we stopped using the words "normal" and "obvious."
Looking back now, I think thatwas the first step for us as a couple.

Instead of trying to force your own values,
try looking at the other person's values as well.
Acknowledge and respect the partner who has different values from you.

By realizing and acknowledging,
"Oh, this person is a different human being from me"
or "There is this way of thinking too,"
I think we can build a deeper marital relationship.

Differences in values are not necessarily all negative.

By cooperating with a person who has a different perspective,
you can compensate for each other's weaknesses,
and by encountering opinions different from your own,
you can receive positive stimulation,
so I think there are actually many benefits.

A married couple were originally strangers.
Even now, in our eighth year of marriage,
there is no end to new discoveries like
"We have more different values than I thought, don't we?"

There are parts that can be gradually adjusted,
and there are also parts that neither of us can bend.

I hope we can continue to explore how to be a couple in our own way.