The Moment History Stood Still | The Zigzag Flight of Flower Idols and Chicken Old Guys - 'The Little Flame Lit in an Old Guy's Heart'

[Synopsis in 1 minute]
I was an ordinary office worker until I got caught up in the activities of 'Fujioka Fujimaki,' a duo of plain-looking middle-aged men. A duet song born from an old guy's delusion miraculously lands a collaboration with a top idol. Just when they hold the ticket to a hit song, they refuse all promotion for the unbelievable reason that 'if we appear on TV, our families will find out!' The old guys scramble to escape, the idol handles it with grace, and I witness it all up close. This is a story of a 'reverse zigzag flight' that only reality could achieve, overturning the theories of a standard drama (which usually goes upward).
This is the lovable chicken-punk prequel to the story of these old guys who, against their own will, would later become national singers with the Ghibli film 'Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea'.

Prologue

There are many interesting stories in this world that remain unknown. This is one of them.

You might not recognize the name 'Fujioka Fujimaki.' But if I mention the two inconspicuous old guys who stood behind the cute girl singing 'Ponyo, Ponyo, Ponyo♪,' the theme song for the Ghibli film 'Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea,' some of you might vaguely recall them, like trying to remember what you had for dinner five days ago.

This story is about how, before Fujioka Fujimaki sang Ponyo, they released a duet song called 'The Little Flame Lit in an Old Guy's Heart' with Mai Satoda, who was a top idol at the time. Despite having buzz and being available in karaoke, this song was almost entirely unknown. Once you open the lid, it's a non-fiction story that makes everyone nod and think, 'Well, of course!'

In August 2007, at a packed live house in Shibuya called 'Quattro.' In the center of the stage, bathed in stage lights, were two plain-looking middle-aged men in suits, backed by a band, receiving applause after their song. One of the old guys was holding the microphone.

'Now, the next song is called "The Little Flame Lit in an Old Guy's Heart." It's a duet with Mai Satoda, so please welcome her with a big round of applause. Here is Mai Satoda!'

A huge round of applause erupted from the venue to welcome the idol.

Chapter 1: Getting Caught Up with Fujioka Fujimaki

I am a very ordinary office worker. However, as if it were a club activity, I meet with the two members of 'Fujioka Fujimaki' almost every month.

It started with something trivial. A long time ago, there was a three-man band called 'Mari-chanzu' that only sang strange, banned songs. If it were today, compliance would probably run away. After all, the title of their debut song was 'Ugly People Have Their Own Way of Living.'

They were a comedy band that the public laughed at, calling them 'vulgar' or 'terrible songs,' but I thought they were the real deal, reaching a level of punk where being funny was all that mattered, so I wrote about it on my blog. This was long after the band had broken up. In the first place, I only learned about them after they had already disbanded.

Then, I received an email from Mr. Fujioka, a former member, saying, 'I read your blog. It's the first time I've ever been praised.' Of course, I was half-doubting if it was really them. After all, does someone like that really exist?

So, we decided to meet up right away. The place was a popular izakaya in a back alley of Shibuya. I checked the emergency exit as soon as I entered the shop, just in case they were suspicious people. Mr. Fujioka and Mr. Fujimaki, also a former member, were at a table in the back room. And when we finally met, we immediately hit it off with silly talk. That was at the end of 2004.

The two were classmates since elementary school; Mr. Fujioka was a music producer at a major record company, and Mr. Fujimaki was a professional behind the scenes at a major advertising agency. Since they were so-called 'industry people,' I had assumed they would be arrogant. But from the moment we first met, they had none of that, and they treated me, who was much younger, just like a classmate.

Kei: 'I thought people in the industry would be more condescending.'

Fujimaki: 'Why? But you know, when we were in our 20s and doing Mari-chanzu, all the adults around us were so arrogant. They were condescending and really unpleasant. So, I thought, "I will never become like that."' Mr. Fujioka: 'Exactly! And then, that feeling became so strong that we actually became increasingly self-deprecating.'

Fujimaki: 'We went too far in the opposite direction. We'll compromise on anything.'

I wondered about that. That's just the art of living for a salaryman. Salarymen are the same in any industry.

Fujimaki: 'Recently, for the first time in decades since we broke up "Mari-chanzu," we did a live show. We had been refusing, but the owner of the live house said, "I really want you to do it." So, it was just Fujioka and me, but when we tried it, it was well-received and fun.'

Fujioka: "We're in our 50s now, and our work has settled down. I'm thinking of forming a band with you called Fujioka Fujimaki. So, I want you to be the brains behind it."

Being the 'brains' was just a title. I still don't really know what that means. But that's how the conversation went, and that's how we got to where we are today.

Chapter 2: Some Strange People

Fujioka Fujimaki started their activities in 2005. From then on, the three of us would gather at an izakaya in Azabu-Juban every week and laugh our heads off at stupid stories. Then, using those stupid stories as material, Fujioka-san would come up with a demo for a new song the following week.

Although we were in different industries, all three of us were company employees, so songs themed around the pathetic nature and resignation of middle-aged salarymen were born one after another in that way. To put it simply, they were strange songs.

"The other day, a friend showed me his mobile phone (a flip phone) with a pathetic look on his face, saying 'Look at this.' It was an email from his wife, and when I peeked at it, it just had three lines: 'Milk, Saran Wrap, Nori.' It didn't even have a single word like 'Please buy these.'"

From a conversation like this, a demo for 'Milk, Toilet Paper, Nori' would be made by the following week. It's touching how he changed it to toilet paper because Saran Wrap is a brand name and he might not be able to appear on Kohaku.

"At Fujioka's house when we were students, his father used to stick life lessons or something like that all over the place. Old guys love slogans and preaching, don't they?" As we laughed about that, a demo for 'My Son,' where a father preaches to his son, would come up the following week. If we laughed about 'What's with old guys who get serious about cabaret club hostesses?', a demo for 'My Daughter,' featuring such an old guy as the protagonist, would be born, and songs were created almost every week.

Around this time, perhaps due to the 'old guy band boom' where old guys who were in bands when they were young started playing again in middle age, Fujioka Fujimaki started to become known little by little. And a year later, we made our major debut from Sony Music.

That said, the position of 'Fujioka Fujimaki' at the record company was somehow strange. It was like no one wanted to deal with us, or rather, no one wanted to get involved, so we were left alone. But that was only natural. After all, no one wants to get close to a weird old guy band. They leave us alone so they don't get dragged into anything troublesome. That is the survival wisdom of a salaryman. If I were an employee, I would do the same.

Because of that, 'Fujioka Fujimaki' was able to work freely without being bothered much. And I acted together with them, coming up with project ideas and writing skits for the intermissions.

Since we were debuting, we needed an album. We had plenty of songs in stock, so production for our first album, 'Fujioka Fujimaki I,' began immediately. Still, I was surprised by the recording scene I saw for the first time.

Because the recording I had imagined was something where you enter the studio and there's some kind of mental concentration or vocal practice, and the air is filled with a feeling like 'I'm full of motivation.'

But the actual recording scene was completely different. For example, the studio for 'Milk, Saran Wrap, Nori' was like this.

Fujioka-san records his vocal part to the karaoke track he prepared with the band members. Fujimaki-san arrives after work. After exchanging a few words, Fujimaki-san leaves his bag on a chair nearby and enters the recording booth as if he were entering a conference room. Fujioka-san gives instructions from the mixing room via talkback.

Fujioka: "For this song, it's not really about 'singing,' and you don't even have to keep the rhythm."
Fujimaki: "Who should I sing like for this song?"
Fujioka: "Who... just sing like yourself is fine."

Fujioka-san turns off the microphone and mutters, "Besides, even if I tell him to sing 'like someone,' he can't do it anyway."

A female staff member assisting with the mixing calls out to Fujioka-san, "The recording schedule for today is going smoothly in terms of time, isn't it?"

Fujioka: "Well, usually, a singer would say something like, 'I'm not satisfied with that take, let me do it again.' Fujimaki-kun never says that because he wants to finish as quickly as possible."

Towards the end of the song, there is a scene where he is 'surprised by a dog barking.' Fujimaki-san lets out a surprised shout in time with the dog barking coming from his headphones. Unlike the vocal recording, he suddenly becomes enthusiastic when it comes to acting. Fujioka-san's direction is also stricter than for the singing.

Fujioka: "Be surprised more plainly! More pathetically!"
Fujimaki: "Whoa!"
Fujioka: "Your timing for being surprised is a bit early. And make it even more pathetic!"

Fujioka-san turns off Fujimaki-san's monitor and gives instructions to the mixer.

Fujioka: "Can you make just the dog sound really loud in Fujimaki-kun's headphones? That way, Fujimaki-kun will really be surprised."

Fujioka-san is a seasoned director. Fujimaki-san is skillfully coaxed, or scolded, into recording his vocals. On the other hand, when Fujimaki-san leaves the booth, his face suddenly tightens, and he stares intently at the delivery menu.

Fujioka-san speaks with a look of pride.

"I'm the only one who can record Fujimaki-kun's vocals. Because you never know where his pitch is going to go. Just when I think it's hopeless, it suddenly starts sounding good. So, I think, 'Alright, one more take and it'll be perfect,' but when I have him sing it again, the pitch goes somewhere completely wild. And even if I think, 'Oh, I wish the person from a moment ago would come back,' they never return. In fact, someone else entirely shows up. I'm the only one who can judge that balance and provide direction."

What is up with these guys? I had always assumed that recording was like this, but it turned out it was only 'Fujioka Fujimaki' who were like this.

Chapter 3: Being Praised by Young People

November 2006. Six months after the album 'Fujioka Fujimaki I' was released, the production of a second album was decided. And after finishing a meeting at CBS Sony in Ichigaya, the two members of Fujioka Fujimaki, a female employee in her 20s, and I headed to a nearby izakaya.

Sitting across from the young woman at a table in the tatami room of the izakaya, the two men of Fujioka Fujimaki looked strangely happy. They drank beer together and the conversation flowed. That was when the woman said something that tickled them again.

Woman: "I'm a huge fan of Fujioka Fujimaki!"

Fujioka: "Really? You're just saying that, aren't you?"

Woman: "I'm serious. I've wanted to talk to you for a while."

Fujimaki: "By any chance, have you been to our live shows?"

Woman: "No, I haven't been to a live show. ...But I'd like to go sometime."

Fujimaki: "Oh, I see. So, did you buy our CD or something?"

Woman: "No, I haven't bought it. ...But when everyone at the company went out for fun, they played it in the car."

Fujimaki: "That's fine, that's fine. I'm just happy you like it."

Fujioka: "Hey, I have a question. How big of an age gap do you think is okay for dating?"

Woman: "I like older men, so even if they're quite a bit older, it's totally fine!"

Fujioka: "Whoa, really!?"

Fujimaki: "Are you seriously, actually for real?"

Woman: "Yes!"

The two old men had their eyes sparkling. Still, what sloppy faces they were making. Their facial muscles were completely slack.

Fujimaki: "I felt a little flutter in my heart."

Fujioka: "Fujimaki-kun, you're looking blatantly happy, but she's not saying she wants to date you, you know."

Fujimaki: "Oh, right... I guess so. I just felt like a small flame had suddenly been lit inside me."

Fujioka: "Like in a manga, that feeling of a flame suddenly being lit in your heart, right?"

Fujimaki: "Exactly! That's it!"

The two of them beaming with smiles. They've never shown me a face like that. What kind of delusions were they having in this fleeting moment? No, I definitely don't want to know.

Fujioka: "So, how old is the acceptable range for an older person?"

Woman: "I'm actually quite open-minded. I'm totally fine with someone up to their 40s!"

Fujioka, Fujimaki: "Huh..."

Woman: "Is that weird?"

The smiles vanished from the 50-something old men in an instant. They looked dejected. Perhaps the crew of Apollo 13, who faced an explosion on their way to the moon, had the same look on their faces at that very moment. But the Apollo 13 crew never gave up. Fujioka and Fujimaki also bet on a slim possibility.

Fujioka: "No, um, what about someone in their 50s?"

Woman: "My dad is in his 50s, so that's a bit..."

Apollo 13, carrying Fujioka and Fujimaki, drifts into the void as cosmic dust.

Fujimaki: "The flame seems to have gone out."

Fujioka: "It lit up for a second and went out in a second, didn't it?"

Woman: "..."

Fujioka: "But you know, old men just imagine things on their own. Like, even if a female employee just makes eye contact at the office, they think she might like them."

Fujimaki: "Yeah, exactly, it's the power of delusion. Old men live on delusions."

Fujioka: "Come to think of it, a long time ago, there was a time when my friends and I would sit at bars and laugh our heads off playing a game where we'd imagine what a 'delusional old man' would write in a girl's diary. Hey, maybe we could make a song out of this."

Old men going up and down because of a young woman's words. But there was a hint for a song there. And just as Fujioka said, a new song would be born from this conversation. And this is the beginning of this story.

Chapter 4: Getting Carried Away and Creating a Duet Song

About three weeks later, Fujioka, Fujimaki, and I were in their hometown, Omori.
The three of us held our weekly regular meetings, usually at the folk bar 'Kaze ni Fukarete' (Blown by the Wind).

This is a bar-style live house with a stage. There is a stage with instruments set up at the back of the shop, and tables are lined up in the audience area. It's a place that can accommodate about 35 to 50 people.

The owner of the shop is an early band member and also a senior to Fujioka and Fujimaki from junior high school. For that reason, we rent it as a place for meetings and practice on the shop's regular holidays. When there are other customers, a nearby karaoke box becomes our meeting place.

The three of us sat around a table and started the meeting while drinking canned beer. In most cases, we would start with idle chatter, and when I was laughing my head off with Mr. Fujimaki, Mr. Fujioka would get angry and say, "You guys, think seriously!"

On this day, after laughing at some silly talk for a while, Mr. Fujioka placed a CD radio cassette player on the table.

Fujioka: "I made this song based on our conversation at the bar the other day. The title is 'A Small Flame Lit in an Old Man's Heart', and this time I tried making it a mood kayo song. It's structured so that when it gets to the chorus, Fujimaki-kun reads an old man's delusional diary as a spoken line. I haven't written the lines yet, so Fujimaki-kun, you think of them. You're good at this kind of thing, right?"

Fujimaki: "Mood kayo, huh. I don't really get it, but okay."

Fujioka: "I don't know either. But it seems like mood kayo has some kind of etiquette. I didn't know about that and just made it based on the vibe, so I feel like it lacks that mood kayo feel. Plus, the melody came out so naturally that I'm constantly worried it might already exist somewhere. If I had just ripped it off from the start, the original song would be clear, so I wouldn't have to worry about that."

Certainly, if the source of a rip-off is clear, you can subtly change the melody. Is this the essence of songwriting?

A demo of 'A Small Flame Lit in an Old Man's Heart' began to play from the speakers. This would later be called the 'Delusion Version' and included on the album. In the final version, there's a skit where Fujimaki-san reads his delusion diary between songs, but for now, it's just background music.

In the skit part, Fujimaki-san, playing the section chief, reads a delusion diary he wrote for his own convenience, having fallen in love with a young woman at the company, with great emotion. When the skit starts, with lines like, 'Month X, Day X, Mai's diary. Today, I made eye contact with Section Chief Fujimaki!...', everyone laughs, thinking, 'What a foolish old man!'

Kei: "This song is interesting! But I feel like this could be a duet."

Fujioka: "You think so too? I kind of felt that way too. Actually, I went ahead and made a duet version. The lyrics are still just placeholders, though."

Fujioka-san rummaged through his bag, took out another CD, and set it in the boombox. What played from the speakers was the same song as before. But the skit part now had a melody, and it was a duet with Fujioka-san doing multi-track recording to perform the back-and-forth between a man and a woman. It's a novel song where, despite being a duet, 'the woman rejects the man until the very end, and they just pass each other by.'

Fujimaki: "Hahaha. This is good!"

Fujioka: "I haven't figured out how to wrap up the ending yet, though."

Kei: "This is great! If it's a duet, if you sing it with someone popular, you can ride their coattails and sell it! You can be a remora!"

Fujioka: "That's it! There's no way we can sell it on our own. We have no choice but to rely on others, right?"

Fujimaki: "That's true. So, who should we ask to sing it? Since it's mood kayo, how about Teresa Teng?"

Kei: "Well, she's dead. Besides, she doesn't really have the image of a new employee."

Fujioka: "It has to be an idol! The assumption is that the partner is a new employee, after all."

Fujimaki: "An idol, huh. Like a member of 'Morning Musume.'?"

Kei: "That's not a bad idea. But do you have any connections like that?"

Fujioka: "Fujimaki-sa, you have an acquaintance at the agency for 'Morning Musume.', so why don't you ask them? We'll make a proper demo."

Fujioka and Fujimaki were getting excited. But would an idol group that once took the world by storm even pay attention to a song brought in by some old men? Still, once an old man's fire is lit, there's no stopping him. They charged ahead with nothing but a vague 'acquaintance' as a connection.

Chapter 5: The Duet Partner Has Been Decided

Fujioka and Fujimaki became determined to promote the duet song 'A Small Flame Lit in an Old Man's Heart'.

Thinking they would need two songs if they were going to prepare a demo for pitching, they also prepared a new song called 'I Love You, Mr. Old Man♪'. This one is structured with a female lead vocal and the old men providing the interjections.

And the lyrics once again reflected that conversation at the izakaya. In other words, from the conversation with the woman at the izakaya, theDelusion VersionandDuetversion of 'A Small Flame Lit in an Old Man's Heart', as well as 'I Love You, Mr. Old Man♪', were born. Just because you managed to have a conversation with a young woman once, how much are you going to squeeze out of that memory! It's like sucking on a yakitori skewer until there's no flavor left. That's greedy!

Fujimaki-san brought the finished demo to the Hello! Project agency. I was impressed that he had all sorts of connections, but it turned out he just had a senior from his student days.

What the agency proposed was a duet with Mai Satoda, a popular idol who was breaking out on the variety show "Quiz! Hexagon II." However, when Fujioka and Fujimaki heard her name, they apparently looked blank for a moment, not knowing who she was. She's a big star! She's super popular! Are you just some random old guys?

At the time, Mai Satoda was a member of "Country Musume," but the group hadn't released a song in over two years. So, she apparently had a desire to sing.

By the way, even though she played the role of a "dim-witted talent," she was actually very quick-witted and very thoughtful. And, to complete the lyrics for this song, Fujioka-san asked her to "write down the annoying things about old men," and from what she wrote, interesting phrases like "telling cold jokes" were incorporated into the lyrics.

For the recording, Fujioka-san provided the male vocals. Fujimaki-san did not participate due to work. By the way, for Mai Satoda's vocal recording, Fujioka-san handled the direction. So, Fujioka-san and Mai-chan recorded their vocals separately.

As an aside, for the coupling track "I Love You, Mr. Old Man♪," the people providing the backing vocals weren't either Fujioka or Fujimaki, but the band members who were called to the studio and me. Even though the credit says "Mai Satoda with Fujioka Fujimaki," the content is actually "Mai Satoda with some random old guys." It's terrible. Of course, it was recorded separately from Mai-chan.

But, to defend Fujioka and Fujimaki, they didn't cut corners. This is a message that "all old men are pretty much the same." And if I may defend myself, that wasn't a defense at all, but what can you do? How else am I supposed to write it? Anyway, the recording finished safely.

Chapter 6: The First Performance of "A Small Flame Lit in an Old Man's Heart"

The first performance of "A Small Flame Lit in an Old Man's Heart" was on April 20, 2007, before the CD was even released. It took place at Fujioka and Fujimaki's solo concert at SHIBUYA-AX.

"SHIBUYA-AX" was a large live house in Shibuya at the time with a maximum capacity of 1,700 people, and it was the first solo concert for Fujioka and Fujimaki at such a large venue. Just to be clear, the maximum capacity and the actual number of guests are different things.

So, this concert had the subtitle "I Told You I Didn't Want To..." but contrary to the wording, because it was a large venue, it was buzzing with a festival-like atmosphere. So, just like popular overseas artists often do, we decided to display their stage costumes in the lobby. That said, Fujioka and Fujimaki don't really have stage costumes. What they wear on stage are the regular suits they wear to work every day.

So, we decided to display the suits they always wear in a way that looked like costumes and set up a board like this in front of them.

Getting carried away, we also made a "face-in-hole" panel for Fujioka and Fujimaki. You know, the kind you often see at tourist spots. A character panel with holes for faces. We intentionally made this a bit small and placed a board with the following notice in front of the panel.

Mai-chan, who was making a guest appearance, would be singing with Fujioka and Fujimaki for the first time at the rehearsal that day. After all, the recording was done separately.

When Mai-chan arrived at the venue, she brought gifts for Fujioka, Fujimaki, and the band members in the dressing room. I mean, it should be the other way around! Usually, we're the ones who bring gifts! Mai-chan is a big star!

I was surprised when Mai-chan entered the dressing room after a knock. In an instant, the room was filled with an idol aura, and it felt like flower petals were scattering. The air had been stagnant like a train station platform waiting for the last train, but it was purified in an instant. Old men can't live in clean air, so we were feeling suffocated.

And as for the band members, they were completely intimidated by Mai-chan, and without the courage to ask for a photo, they were snapping pictures of the gifts after she left. And they were taking close-ups. Those are just pictures of eclairs, you know. When I looked at them later, they looked like dating profile photos for the eclairs.

When the rehearsal with Mai-chan began, she was surprised that Fujimaki-san appeared on stage.

Satoda: "Huh? Fujioka-san sang on the recording, but Fujimaki-san is singing at the live show?"

Fujimaki: "Well, well, all old men are the same, you know."

It was Fujioka-san's wish that Fujimaki-san would be the one to sing. Fujioka-san has this strange aversion to being in the spotlight. But honestly, since Fujioka Fujimaki is just the two of them, it's impossible not to stand out. You're standing right next to each other, after all. Or were you planning on standing in a line one behind the other?

The audience area was still spacious, with the chairs yet to be set up. While I was watching the setup right in front of the stage, Fujimaki-san called out to me.

Fujimaki: 'Keimei-san. What should we do when we're singing this song?'

Come to think of it, nobody had even thought about the choreography.

Kei: 'Since this is a song about an old guy being disliked, it should be the opposite of a normal duet. Let's make it so that when Fujimaki-san approaches, Mai-chan runs away. How about that?'

Satoda: 'Yes!'

Huh? What? Why is Mai-chan giving such a good response? And she's looking at me with such a serious face, too.

I glanced to the side and saw the venue staff surrounding us. They must have mistaken me for a director or something. No, no, that's not it! I was the only one in a suit in a place like this. It seems I looked like some important person to them. There was no way I could say, 'I'm just a regular office worker' at this point.

On top of that, it was time for the press interviews, so reporters started pouring into the venue. They surrounded us too. My escape route was completely blocked.

My heart was pounding. Why is some random office worker surrounded by venue staff and reporters, talking to an idol on stage? This is too weird! Someone, please notice!

I glanced at the wings of the stage and saw Fujioka-san looking at me, laughing happily without making a sound. I think I'm dying right now. My life expectancy is dropping rapidly. I'm going to die young. I have no choice but to play the part.

'Mai-chan, please move further to the side here. Try to dodge when Fujimaki-san approaches. If you can, go all the way to the point where you're almost out of sight from the stage!' I acted like a director with exaggerated gestures. I've never seen a real director, but I figured this is what it's like.

On stage, the confused Mai-chan nodded and gave me a good response. She's a true professional. And behind her, the stage manager was nodding along with his arms crossed. In my heart, I cursed, 'That's your job, isn't it!'

But I want to make one thing clear. Some people say, 'A crisis is an opportunity,' but that's a lie. You don't have the luxury for that. 'A crisis is just a crisis.' Although, because I was pushed to the absolute limit at that moment, I did stop feeling nervous about bluffing in company meetings.

Eventually, the performance began. Since the CD hadn't been released yet, no one in the audience had heard this song before. But when Mai-chan ran around to escape Fujimaki-san while singing, it drew big laughs and applause from the venue.

Still, to think that a duet between a currently popular idol and Fujioka Fujimaki would actually happen. The song is interesting, and it felt like a hit was guaranteed by riding on the idol's coattails. I thought the time had finally come for Fujioka Fujimaki to become a major act.

Chapter 7: Someone Started Saying Something Strange

The solo live concert at SHIBUYA-AX ended as a huge success, with the first performance of 'A Small Fire Lit in an Old Guy's Heart' completed without a hitch. Though, I think about half of that was due to the Mai Satoda effect.

A week had passed since the concert. When I met up with Fujioka-san and Fujimaki-san at an izakaya in Shimbashi, both of them looked downcast for some reason. Now is the time to be excited, isn't it? What on earth happened?

Kei: 'The CD for "Oyaji-bi" ("A Small Fire Lit in an Old Guy's Heart") will be released soon, right! I wonder if it will sell.' Fujioka: 'Hmm, I never thought it would actually be accepted...'

Fujioka's speech is somehow hesitant. Fujimaki is also looking down.

Kei: 'What's wrong? Please look a bit happier. You went to pitch it saying let's make a hit, right? You were so excited about it, weren't you?'

Fujioka: 'That's true, but usually it wouldn't get accepted, right? I'm really happy our project was recognized, but still.'

Kei: 'What are you talking about! It's a duet with a popular idol. The CD might even sell like crazy. By the way, when you sing this song on TV, which one of you, Fujioka-san or Fujimaki-san, will sing it?'

Fujioka: 'Hmm, that's the problem...'

Fujimaki: 'That's absolutely impossible for us!! Magazines or live shows are one thing, but if it gets out to my family that I appeared on TV for a duet, it'll be a disaster. I've even had lyrics found and thrown away before. What about you, Fujioka-kun?'

Fujioka: 'TV is a no-go for us too. We have neighbors and relatives to worry about. Oh, Kei-mei, why don't you go sing it instead?'

Kei: 'What! No way, I can't do that either. I'm a regular salaryman. Besides, I'm not even Fujioka Fujimaki!'

Fujioka: 'But even if we appeared, the people watching wouldn't know who we are anyway. Is it really necessary for it to be us?'

Fujimaki: 'That's right! There are plenty of people who can take our place.'

Fujioka: 'Besides, why do we have to be the ones to appear? The viewers won't be happy, and since all old guys are the same, it doesn't matter who goes out there!'

Kei: 'What are you talking about!'

Fujimaki: 'We just want it to sell silently without us having to do anything, that's all!'

Kei: 'Then what are you going to do? When it's on TV, should we credit it as "Mai Satoda with Fujioka Fujimaki Proxy" and have someone else sing as a proxy?'

Fujioka: 'Who is "someone else"? Like Takao Horiuchi? ...He probably wouldn't do it.'

Kei: 'Obviously! He'd get mad. Oh, then how about recruiting at Hello Work? With the job title as "Fujioka Fujimaki" or something.'

Fujimaki: 'That's obviously not going to work! If I were going to become Fujioka Fujimaki, I'd rather just get a proper job! Besides, there's no salary for that.'

Fujioka: 'How about someone wears a mask and sings?'

Kei: 'Isn't that way too vague? Then, how about having just Fujioka Fujimaki be CG on TV?'

Fujioka: 'Impossible! Then the people at the venue would only see Mai-chan. What are we supposed to do?'

Don't give me that 'what are we supposed to do?'! Just go out there! These old guys... Why are they suddenly talking about their families finding out? Just the other day, they were all excited about riding the coattails of an idol to get a hit. I won't let you call this a youthful indiscretion. You're old guys, after all!

Still, it was a blind spot. Fujioka Fujimaki had a fatal weakness: 'They want to be known by the world, but they don't want their families to know.' Just as Tom Cruise desperately protected the world, Fujioka Fujimaki was desperately protecting their place within their own homes.

Come to think of it, Fujimaki-san used to sneak his guitar out to the front porch early in the morning before live shows so his family wouldn't find out. Furthermore, he would go to the lengths of leaving his guitar at a coffee shop near his office before heading to work so his company wouldn't find out. That's punk, isn't it? It's cowardly chicken punk.

A week passed since then. When I met the two of them for our usual meeting, there was an air of relief about them.

Kei: "By the way, what happened with the TV appearance?"

Fujioka: "I turned it down. I mean, it's impossible because my family would find out."

Kei: "Huh?"

What is up with these people? I mean, why are they turning it down?

Kei: "But the CD is still being released, right?"

Fujioka: "That's happening, yes."

Kei: "If that's the case, won't your faces be plastered all over the CD jacket, so won't you get found out?"

Fujimaki: "That part is fine. I told the agency we didn't need our photos on it, but they said that wouldn't work. However, we managed to get them to make them as small as possible. Mai-chan is clearly visible, but you probably won't be able to tell who we are."

Kei: "Huh? Are they that small? To the point where you can't tell who it is?"

Fujioka: "You can't tell."

Is it even allowed to not want to be on the jacket? The record company representative must have been troubled. I'm sure they had to coax Fujioka and Fujimaki, who didn't want to appear, and compromised on a tiny photo. Just imagining the representative's feelings makes me want to cry. I'm glad I'm not the representative.

Kei: "Ah, but wait. You're making a promotional video, right? Won't you get found out in the end?"

Fujioka: "That's fine too. We declined to appear in the promotional video."

Kei: "Huh? Declined? Then what about the promotional video?"

Fujimaki: "Mai-chan will be appearing in it alone."

These people are just too much. Imagining the representative's feelings makes me want to write a resignation letter on their behalf. It was over the moment they got involved with Fujioka and Fujimaki.

Meanwhile, Mai Satoda-chan gave a wonderful comment in an interview about the release of her first single in a while, saying, "I was so happy. I really do love singing. It's my starting point!"

The idol of the moment is giving such a great comment, so what are you guys doing? It's a duet, so sing, for heaven's sake!! And why on earth are you having Mai-chan appear in the promotional video for a duet song all by herself? Where did your motivation go!

Come to think of it, when we stopped at an izakaya in Shimbashi on the way home from a live show, we both left our guitars behind when we walked out of the shop. The staff member grabbed both guitars and ran down the street to catch up with us. Seriously! Get your act together!

Still, when I saw the finished promotional video later, I saw that cute Mai-chan, playing the role of a temporary employee, was featured prominently, so I figured this was the right way to go. After all, nobody wants to see old men.

Chapter 8: The Climax That Should Have Been a Mess

'A Small Fire Lit in an Old Man's Heart' was released in May 2007.
Of course, Fujioka Fujimaki avoided all promotional activities for fear of their families finding out. So, the new song that Mai-chan was looking forward to singing never once got performed on television.

I mean, come on, there's no way it's going to sell like that! You're sprinting full speed in the direction of not selling. Why did you even go to the agency to pitch it? Think about Mai-chan's feelings!

In the end, the only time Mai-chan sang this song was when she appeared as a guest at a Fujioka Fujimaki live show.

Even so, they don't show up for promotions, yet they have the nerve to ask an idol to come to their own live shows because they don't want their families to know and they want some glamour. Is this what being an old man is all about? I think even if Fujioka Fujimaki were reborn, they'd still be old men as punishment. I'll say it on Mai-chan's behalf: that's terrible! And I'll say it on behalf of the record company representative: I won't forgive you!

On August 29, 2007, Mai-chan made a guest appearance at the Fujioka Fujimaki live show at Shibuya Quattro. This was the first live show since the CD was released. Since excitement was guaranteed, this was supposed to be the climax of this story. It was supposed to be the moment where Fujioka Fujimaki and Mai-chan were showered with thunderous applause, and the audience's clapping caused the floor to rumble... or so it should have been.

The Fujioka Fujimaki live show was progressing nicely. It was nearing the end. That was when it happened, right at the point in the schedule where they were supposed to call Mai Satoda onto the stage to sing 'A Small Fire Lit in an Old Man's Heart'.

Fujimaki-san called Mai Satoda onto the stage.

Fujimaki: 'Now, the next song is a track called "A Small Fire Lit in an Old Man's Heart." It's a duet with Mai Satoda-chan, so please welcome her with a big round of applause. Now, Mai Satoda-chan!'

A big round of applause erupted from the venue to welcome the idol.

However, the timing was off. No matter how much time passed, there was no sign of Mai-chan coming out from the wings. The sound of the applause gradually became sparse. Fujimaki-san shouted loudly.

Fujimaki: 'Huh? Mai-chan? Mai-chan!'

Fujioka: 'Did she run away?'

Because of the unnatural pause, the audience, who had initially thought it was part of the act, began to stir. Fujimaki-san went to peek into the wings and shouted loudly again.

Fujimaki: 'Mai-chan!'

Still no response. This was definitely strange.

Fujimaki: 'I'm going down to the dressing room in the basement to call Mai-chan.'

Laughter echoed through the venue. This wasn't part of the act. What is this? What is this mess? When Fujimaki-san left the stage, Fujioka-san filled the gap with some MC talk. Eventually, Fujimaki-san returned alone.

Fujimaki: 'Mai-chan says she doesn't want to come out.'

Huh? What's happening? On stage, Fujioka-san and Fujimaki-san are killing time with MC talk. Normally, one would write that the two old men are desperate. But there's no sense of that at all. These guys are used to being in a pinch. Perhaps they've caused nothing but trouble until now, so they're used to being scolded.

Come to think of it, salarymen are always being scolded by someone. When you become a section chief, you get scolded by the department manager; when you become a department manager, you get scolded by the director; and when you become a director, you get scolded by the board members. The 'insensitivity' that Fujioka and Fujimaki have acquired is the real deal. On the contrary, these old men, who are usually ignored by everyone, are happily rambling on in front of an audience—a captive audience with nowhere to run.

Just as the audience was starting to lose their patience, Mai-chan finally appeared on stage. When the idol appeared in an outfit inspired by a beige office uniform to match the lyrics, the stagnant air changed completely. It almost makes you think that Fujioka and Fujimaki might have made the air stagnant on purpose to maximize that effect. Of course, I can state with certainty that that is absolutely not the case.

Satoda: 'I'm sorry. I'm late.'

Fujioka: 'I was worried you might have gone home.'

Fujimaki: 'We didn't tell you when your turn was, did we? Come to think of it.'

Satoda: 'That's right. I thought it was terrible. Actually, it was supposed to be a bit later. I was told it would be about 50 minutes later.'

Fujimaki: 'Was it?'

Satoda: 'Yes. So I was taking it easy... I hadn't even changed yet.'

Fujimaki: 'Is that so?'

Satoda: 'I thought I still had time, and then suddenly they said, "Please go on stage." I was like, "Ehh!" I changed in a hurry.'

Fujimaki: 'Oh, I see. I was calling out "Mai-chaaan" from here. Well, you wouldn't know if we didn't tell you the time.'

Satoda: 'Everything is just so out of sync.'

Fujioka: 'Wait, this composition is strange. I mean, it's a conversation between a super celebrity and just some ordinary old guys.'

It certainly is strange. What is this? Fujimaki-san's sense of detachment is incredible.

Satoda: 'But today, when I was coming here, there were lots of young girls lined up, and I thought it was amazing that they were waiting for Fujioka and Fujimaki-san. You guys always say you're no good, right? So I told the staff that you were actually popular, and they said that wasn't Fujioka and Fujimaki, but fans of Yoshimoto performing across the way.'

Fujioka: 'We aren't popular. Even at the after-party, there's really no one there.'

Fujimaki: 'When the live show ends, everyone disappears like spiders scattering. Oh, my finger cramped.'

Satoda: 'Are you okay? You were coughing a lot when you came back after the first part earlier, too.'

Fujimaki: 'That's because there's a song called "Natsu wo Moratta ze" (I Received Summer). It's painful to sing that song.'

'Natsu wo Moratta ze' is a song where, toward the end, they repeat key changes as much as possible, raising the accompaniment until they literally can't produce a voice anymore. It's a song that performs the act of 'becoming unable to sing.'

Fujimaki: 'More than that, I'm worried about whether we can properly sing the song with Mai-chan without looking at the lyric sheet.'

Satoda: 'I think that's pretty much the basics, though.'

Fujimaki: 'I can't memorize lyrics. Just the other day, during a TV recording, neither of us could memorize a four-line lyric.'

To think they invited Mai Satoda, an idol at the peak of her popularity, and this is what happens. Still, Mai-chan's pride as a professional is amazing. She brilliantly corrected the messy atmosphere. She is truly an angel of an idol.

Fujimaki: "Well, let's start again. With Mai Satoda-chan, here is 'A Small Flame Lit in an Old Man's Heart'."

The intro began to play. Mai Satoda-chan and Mr. Fujimaki sang a duet, and Mr. Fujioka joined in on the chorus. Midway through the song, as Mr. Fujimaki approached Mai-chan, she kept backing away, maintaining a certain distance. This time, she was definitely running away for real.

When she went to the side of the stage and looked like she was about to hide, laughter erupted from the audience. This is the power of the glamour that an idol possesses.

Still, what kind of story is this? Isn't this supposed to be the emotional part? Usually, this is where the protagonist works hard to achieve their dream, finally grabs their chance, and is met with thunderous applause for a happy ending. Yet, at the climax, the main act, Fujioka Fujimaki, is becoming more and more like a supporting character.

Oh well. Regardless, Mai-chan was amazing. She is the protagonist of this story now! The duet doesn't matter. Mai-chan is all we need! If this were a video, it would be a close-up of her the whole time! Mr. Fujimaki and Mr. Fujioka could just be in a tiny picture-in-picture window.

When the song ended, exceptionally loud applause echoed through the venue. Everyone in the audience was smiling, and a warm atmosphere filled the room. Surrounded by applause, Mai-chan disappeared into the wings. The first live performance after the CD release was a huge success. Even without any promotion.

Years later, when the topic of this song came up and the two members of Fujioka Fujimaki muttered, "We thought this song would be a hit at karaoke, so why didn't it sell?", I was overcome with the urge to grab them by the collars and shake them while shouting, "It's your fault!"

Epilogue: Is God Really Okay With This?

Even so, the fact that these old men who were running away from promotion would end up singing 'Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea' half a year later... the world is a mysterious place. I want to end this on a heartwarming note, but is this really okay, world? God, are you watching? Were these really the right people? These guys only took one step forward. After that, they were just marking time.

By the way, for Ponyo, Mr. Fujimaki, who was in charge of Ghibli at his advertising agency, was asked to sing a demo as the "tone-deaf father" singing with Nozomi-chan, and it was adopted with the comment, "Isn't this good enough?" Indeed, a professional singer could never produce such subtle pitch variations. I suppose even God must have days when He feels a bit lackluster.

Actually, after 'Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea', thinking this time would be different, a follow-up titled 'The Sequel: A Small Flame Lit in an Old Man's Heart' was released by the unit of Mai Satoda-chan and Fujioka Fujimaki. Despite the buzz of a duet between a top idol and a Kohaku-performing singer, why did this end up being almost completely unknown? That is a story for another time.