Letting go of blaming someone or something

Lately, I've felt like I've been accumulating quite a bit of stress.
On top of the vague anxiety and irritation, the fatigue is also significant.
Just like my children who have started a new life, it's hard for me to find my own rhythm.

Since this spring, I have returned to being an employee with subordinates.
Or rather than returned, I spent a year in a different department, but I ended up back in my previous department, which has been upgraded and expanded.

A company is a "living thing," regardless of whether it has energy or not, and many things change while you are away for a year.
For better or worse, that is a company and that is an organization.

There are tons of things like "Why is it like this?" and I spend every day dealing with them one after another.
The company and my boss say, "I want you to rebuild it from zero..."
No, no, don't say it so easily.

A friend, me, and onion skins

I have a friend (*) who can see auras.
When I think, "Ah, this is a case for her," I sometimes have her look at me.

This time, I finally asked her.
Then... she said my head is
covered in something like onion skins.

O-o-onion...?

It seems to be clinging to me in layer after layer without my permission.
(I haven't told my friend that I have outrageous cases popping up every day.)

You're thinking way too much, aren't you?

Ah. So that's what it means to have layers like onion skins.

I was just feeling tormented by the feeling of being tied down by my environment.
"Why is it in this state?" or
"What happened this past year?" or
I was holding onto this vague, unsatisfying feeling every day.

But after hearing my friend's words, a different feeling suddenly emerged.

Could it be...

Is it my own thinking that is tying me down?

It is true that I am being tossed about by various things.
It can't be helped that I have to fix things while getting frustrated.
I should have returned understanding to some extent that it would be difficult.

However, I realized that I am spending more time thinking about the situation I am in, rather than just the work itself.

Haven't I been picking out the things that 'aren't going well' one by one, as if to curse my own circumstances?

While saying 'Why did this happen...', haven't I been wondering whose fault it was?

...Does that even have any meaning?

Even if you blame someone or something, your own situation won't change.
It would be fine if an epiphany came to you, but that is almost never the case.

Was I trying to escape from the hardship by thinking my circumstances were bad?
Did I want to feel sorry for myself, thinking 'I'm trying so hard'?

Isn't that a poor way of thinking?

Even today, things that make me go 'Huh!?' happen in the midst of a busy schedule.
But there is no need to let my emotions be greatly swayed by each one of them.

Facts exist as facts, and there is no need to attach strange meanings to them.
In addition, there is no need to feel like things are bad.

There is nothing good about being controlled by emotions.

When I think that way, somehow the tension in my shoulders faded.

In a good way, I stopped caring about 'things brought about by those around me'.

I will go with my own way.
It is a waste of time to dwell on past events caused by someone or something.

In that sense, 'building from a zero base' is not entirely wrong.

I feel refreshed!!
...I am not a person with a big enough heart to say that, so I will likely be confused in the future as well, but why don't I act while valuing my own axis?

What I should be doing is not blaming someone or worrying about the situation.
I want to spend my thoughts on what is in front of me and what I will do looking a little further ahead.

In that case,

Let's let go of the mindset that keeps us tied up in knots.

Let's stop wrapping ourselves in onion skins because of things like that.

No matter how much I am swayed by my environment,I am who I am.

Thanks to the efforts of a friend, it seems the onion skins have mostly been removed.

Whether you believe it or not is up to you, but I would like to add that at least my headaches have been freed from the onion skins, and I feel much better.

(*) My dear friend is this person👇

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