🌱Trying to Properly Slack Off

It has been about nine years since I became what is known as a "parent of a child who refuses to go to school."
My eldest son somehow managed to become a university student in April.
My second son is in his third year of junior high and is still very much in the middle of refusing to go to school.

It has been a time during which I have been allowed to experience many things.
I worried a lot,
and I thought a lot.

If those fragments
could serve as a hint or support for someone...
that is the feeling with which I am writing this note.

In this series,
I will deliver the fragments of thought
that I have encountered.
I would be happy if you could join me🍀

Furthermore, I will continue to upload non-fiction pieces
to the magazine below.
I hope you will check that out as well.

A Daring Proposal

When you think about a child who cannot go to school,
as a parent, your anxiety grows, doesn't it?

Will they fall behind in their studies?
Will they be unable to acquire social skills?
Will they lose their friends? And so on.
Because you worry about your child's future,
I think it is inevitable
that bad thoughts cross your mind.

Among those reading this,
there may be some
who are in that exact state right now.

However, this time, I
would like to dare to propose that you "slack off together as parent and child!"

What are you talking about!?
They are already taking a break, so
what do you mean by slacking off even more?

...I understand that feeling of wanting to say that.
That is precisely why I used the word"dare."

Fighting Against Something

In our family,
regarding the number of times we have dealt with school refusal, my eldest son had two instances,
and my second son is in the middle of it right now.

Out of the total of three instances of school refusal,
for my eldest son, the primary cause was clear in both cases.
(The first time was not getting along with his homeroom teacher,
the second time was orthostatic dysregulation)

However, regarding my second son,
while I think there was likely an event that triggered it in the beginning,
there was too much patience and hurt that had piled up over time,
and at this point, I am in a state where I don't really know what the root cause was.

But for both my eldest and second son,
for a while after they became unable to go to school,
I could see them spiraling downward.

Even though they chose "not to go"
because going to school was painful and they didn't want to go.

It was as if they were being
held in a stranglehold by something invisible
that could not be seen.

Hurt, stumbling,
unable to get back up easily.
Even though they should be in a safe place,
there is something else piling on top of them.

Because of that something,
their 'will to live' is being drained away,
leaving them depleted.

What is that something?

Children who cannot go to school
often compare themselves to children who do go to school
and are plagued by feelings of inferiority.

They cannot forgive themselves for being that way,
and they often feel
a sense of 'guilt' toward their parents as well.

In other words,
I realized while watching the children that
the very state of 'not being able to go to school'
is the something that torments the children themselves.

Such children in such suffocating spaces.
I don't think they can ever truly rest
from the bottom of their hearts.

Daring to slack off

So,
why don't we try
to 'slack off' properly here?

Parents should take the initiative
to suggest slacking off together with their child.

'Mom insisted that we play,'
'I got dragged along,'
making it easier for the child to convince themselves,
removing those feelings of guilt,
and let's take the plunge and enjoy it together.

Being able to do something like that is
thanks to having become a school refuser.
Since you have the chance,
why not enjoy something that most parents and children cannot experience?

I am sure that not only for the child who cannot go to school,
but also for us as parents,
the day will come when it turns into a good memory.

Both parent and child
dare to 'slack off together'

If the child accumulates the experience that it is okay to take a break,
and peace of mind accumulates in their heart,
the depleted 'will to live' will surely be cultivated.

*****************************************

*This article is not intended to
　simply recommend taking time off from school.

　For children who are still in pain even when they take a break,
　and the parents who support them by their side.
　May this reach those who need it✨

*****************************************

I also post on X and Instagram.

Kaora X　x.com/kaora2314?t=W6P6zq7m-Zm36M4KmFhOIQ&s=09
Kaora Instagram　　https://t.co/nAdRE4zzpn