27. Raising Myself #ThingsIGladIChooseForMyself

I thought of myself as a science-oriented person, and I have lived my career in that field.
I have been in my current job for over twenty years since graduating.
I take pride in having gained a fair amount of experience.
I have also held leadership positions within a publicly traded company.
Objectively speaking, I suppose I am relatively stable (at least for now).

However, the path to get here has not been smooth sailing.
It sounds good to say that the company was in the process of growing from a small business,
but a company that still holds onto old-fashioned sensibilities
was a rather harsh environment during my early years of raising children.

As the company gradually grew,
I was generally able to achieve a "balance between work and home," but
in our household, our children were sickly, stopped going to school, and
unforeseen situations kept arising, and I feel like I was running at full speed the whole time.

Supporting my children and doing my best at my current job.
I am not at all a dexterous person, but I had no choice but to pretend to be one to get through life.

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It was two years ago that my mental health collapsed due to various factors.
I realized that I had no "core self," and
I learned that unless I fully accepted that version of myself
and stopped lying to myself,
I wouldn't be able to stand on my own two feet, let alone move forward.

And beyond that,
what do I really want to do?
Is there any way I can contribute even a little to the world?
Instead of how I am seen by those around me,
I began to search for what wells up from the depths of my own heart.

Two years ago, I never even dreamed
that I would be writing articles and continuing to publish them.

I realize that by convincing myself "I am this kind of person,"
I was narrowing my own range of motion.

I have something I want to convey.
I have a desire to support, even if just a little,
people who are suffering in the same way I was.

I have found a clear goal that is uniquely my own.

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In order to carefully share my thoughts,
I invested a significant amount of my own money and signed up for a writing class.

Until now, I couldn't bring myself to spend money on myself, but
I decided totry raising myself.

Weaving words carefully so they are understood.
Increasing the resolution of who I want to convey what to.
Above all, improving my own ability to think.

I intentionally jumped into a world that I had previously closed off,
convinced that it had nothing to do with me.

At first,
I was desperate just to complete the assignments for the writing class.
Gradually, I began to write more, and I started delivering Instagram posts as well.
I viewed this not in a financial sense, but as
one of the "training exercises to raise myself".

It takes training to communicate in a way that reaches the other person,
and the best training is precisely to keep sharing.

It is sometimes difficult to keep sharing while also working my current job.
The things I want to convey are things I am currently in the midst of myself,
and my heart sometimes wavers.

Even so, I have a strong desire to forge ahead
on this new path I have chosen for myself,
and I feel that this is my mission.

As I continued to share my thoughts, I also encountered unexpected connections.
The reason I am currently involved with the NPO 'Kozue no Tsubomi,' which supports children who are truant or have developmental differences,
is also due to the connections made through this sharing.

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Instead of suppressing your heart
and pigeonholing yourself by saying, 'This is the kind of person I am,'
focusing on what you truly want to do andmaking the choice to raise yourselftakes quite a bit of courage.

Worrying about things won't make them go away.
You won't know the truth until you try, and
you won't see ways to reduce those worries until you take the plunge.

Thanks to that, I am very fulfilled right now,
and I have a real sense of 'being alive.'

Not living a life for your colleagues, subordinates, children, or family, but
living your own life for yourself.
Deciding and choosing for yourself.

The choice I made back then to learn writing for self-expression
became the fuel that creates who I am now and who I will be in the future.

I will make the most of what I have chosen for myself,
and I will color my life in a way that I can be satisfied with.

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I also post on X and Instagram.

Kaora X x.com/kaora2314?t=W6P6zq7m-Zm36M4KmFhOIQ&s=09
Kaora Instagram https://t.co/nAdRE4zzpn

#66DayWritingChallenge
#ThingsIGladlyChoseForMyself