The Eldest Son and the Second Son 40 《A True Record of School Non-Attendance》

There is only a little time left until the second son's junior high school graduation ceremony.

The homeroom teacher kindly said,
“Why don't you come by once to have school lunch?”
I wondered, I wonder if he will go?
He says he wants to go, but
if the second son is convinced and decides, that is fine.

It seems everyone in the second son's class wrote message cards for their classmates,
and the homeroom teacher also asked,
“Would you like to at least write one for the kids you were with on the school trip?”

The answer the second son gave after thinking about it for a night was
“I'll pass.”

In the past,
I think he would have forced himself to write them, thinking,
“I should probably write them,”
“It would be bad for the teacher if I didn't.”

He thinks about it himself, worries, and makes a choice.
That is fine. No, that is good.

◇◇◇

I was informed that there would be an event (something like a field trip) at the adaptive classroom.
He doesn't really go to the adaptive classroom either,
but he clearly answered that he wanted to go to that.

However, when it gets close to the time,
the feeling of “I don't want to move”
always seems to well up.
The second son was disgusted with himself for that,
but after worrying for a few days, he was able to participate.

I myself am so much of a homebody that it's off-putting,
so I can truly understand the feeling of not wanting to move.

I want to go because I know it will be fun.
But the feeling of not wanting to go also comes up.
It is something you understand by looking at yourself honestly.

If you can see that,
then all you can do is look into your own heart.
Weighing things on a scale, or sometimes letting them go.

If he is thinking “I want to go,”
he has no choice but to come to terms with it,
and how he does that is for the second son to decide.

I think everything is practice.
If it leads to the next step, that is fine.

The eldest son manages his own mood

Since the university spring break started,
the eldest son's mental state had been low.

A year of commuting almost every day and struggling had ended,
and from my perspective, I thought he had tried quite hard.

However, the image he had envisioned for himself
seemed to be further ahead.
He was taking his frustration out on the second son and me.

He must be thinking too much.
I knew that too,
so I watched over him in silence for a while.

◇◇◇

However, one day,
I was enraged by my eldest son's terrible attitude.

I said, "I don't know what you're unhappy about,
but it's wrong to take it out on me,
and you need to manage your own mood!"

He understands perfectly well that he is in the wrong.
When this happens, he blames himself relentlessly
and sinks deeper and deeper into depression.
(This emotional gap is tough...)

Since my eldest son entered university,
I had shifted my focus to being there for my second son as much as possible.
"I haven't talked to my eldest son in a while."
Maybe that had something to do with it.
I decided to talk to him for a bit.

◇◇◇

My eldest son was struggling, going around in circles by himself.

Phew...
Having poured out his inner thoughts for the first time in a while,
his eyes were slightly watery.

The next day, my eldest son started moving right away.

He asked me to teach him how to make dinner,
asked me to teach him how to do laundry,
and he took out the trash and cleaned the bath.

My eldest son gradually started to feel better.
"Things really do change when you take action,"he said.

If you're suffering while being tossed about by waves of negativity,
you just need to change your actions, even just a little bit.

There is surely nothing you can't do.

You could pick up trash on the floor,
or neatly arrange the plates in the cupboard,
you could go out to buy groceries for dinner,
or you could do some muscle training at the park on your way back.

Manage your own mood.
I think my eldest son has taken another step forward.

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