📘 Adlerian Style: The Art of 'Cutting Losses' in Relationships to Protect Your Peace

When you have lived for over 60 years,
you inevitably encounter people you simply cannot understand,
and you worry about it to some extent.

Even when you think, 'I want to distance myself,'

'Cutting ties is cold-hearted,'

'If I try harder, we should be able to understand each other someday,'

'Giving up means I am immature,'

We tend to be bound by such 'virtues of patience.'

However, from the perspective of Adlerian psychology,

there is not a single relationship in this world
that you should maintain at the cost of your own mental and physical health.

Today, I will talk about the concept of
'healthy loss-cutting' to protect your own heart.

⚓️ The reason you cannot escape the 'quagmire'

In the world of investment,
cutting your losses before they grow is called
'loss-cutting,' but

this is also extremely important in human relationships.

The reason we drag out painful relationships is because
there is 'attachment' there.

'I've put so much into this, so it would be a waste (to quit)'

'That person will fall apart without me (desire for control)'...

In Adlerian psychology, this is sometimes called
'the lie of life.'

It is a state where you blame the other person
or blame the environment for the fact that the relationship is not working,

and you are running away from the task you should be facing:
'How can I make my own life happy?'

🔑 The Scissors Known as 'Separation of Tasks'

The greatest weapon for practicing loss-cutting is,
after all, 'separation of tasks'.

Striving to understand each other and treating others with sincerity.
This is as far as 'your task' goes.

However, as a result,
how the other person reacts and
how they treat you is 'the other person's task'.

No matter how much sincerity you put into it,

if the other person continues to hurt you or
tries to exploit you unfairly,

that is 'a problem for the other person to solve' and
not a burden you should carry.

For you to worry alone about
'whether this relationship can be repaired'

is the same as trampling into the other person's territory.

Draw a clear boundary and
return the other person's task to them.

🌬️ 'Choosing' rather than 'Running Away'

Cutting losses in human relationships is
by no means a defeat.

It is
a proactive choice to decide for yourself
'where to spend your limited time and energy'
.

Adler taught that
humans can only be happy within a 'community', but

that community
is not limited to 'the painful relationship right in front of you'.

The world is much wider, and
there are definitely other places where people will cherish you.

Stopping the act of clinging to a withered relationship is

about creating
'mental space' to welcome new, rich relationships.

💡 Where to use your 'courage'

If you

If you feel paralyzed by the fear that
"I might end up all alone if I cut this person off" or
"I don't want to be seen as a cold-hearted person"

it may be that you are bound by the chains of the need for approval.

In such times, please take a look at the full version of my
[Adlerian Psychology to Dramatically Change Your Relationships, Taught by 38 Years in the Field of Education]
.

In it, I have detailed the commonalities and concrete steps of those who have
"let go of their attachments and stood up on their own two feet," which I have witnessed over my 38 years in the field.

Cutting your losses is not about abandoning the other person, but rather
the most courageous decision you can make to return to being the "protagonist of your own life"
.